Contract

JDK finally got an offer on his house.  It wasn't quite as much money as he was hoping for so of course he just had to make the comment about him "losing" money on the deal.  I didn't respond.  I know what he paid for the house.  He's not losing money....even after the commission.  No point in rehashing that crap.  I just decided I was pissed and made myself scarce.

Then I decided not to care again.  Whatever.  Not worth getting worked up about.

Friday he was moody and distance all day. Saturday he sulked around the house.  Such a familiar vibe...just like the good old days when we were married (sarcasm).    He projects this attitude like he hates everyone and everything and he wants to be left alone.  There is no point in trying to interact with him.

In the last 6 months he hasn't acted this way very often and if he did, it would pass within hours, or at most, a day and I could just let it slide.  But after a full 24 hours of this crap I was starting to feel almost irrationally not OK with it.  I dealt with this crap for years and I refuse to deal with it now.

I also know that change is hard for him and he is just stressing about getting this house sold with as little headache as possible.  I get it.

He did assure me (more than once) that he wants to sell it....he wants to be rid of it.

Saturday night we had a dinner date but before we headed to the restaurant he wanted to stop by his house.  When we got there he wanted me to come in the house with him but I told him I didn't want to.  He got angry.  I explained that the house is cold (thermostat is at 45) and that the car was warm.  He was just running in to turn on the water so he would only be a few minutes.  When he returned to the car I asked him why he was so mad and he explained (which is good...I'm glad he told me!) that Beanie hates going up there and complains whenever she has to and has been ZERO help in selling the house and that I am almost just as bad.  He said he feels like he has no support from us and this is ALL on him.

WELL.....

I sat there and pondered how I would respond and then I decided to be perfectly honest (even though I was sure it would ruin our night out):

1) YOU told me it was your house and your money and you made it quite clear that you didn't want to commingle funds.  So you told me it was all YOURS so why would I want to invest my time/energy/money in selling the house if you just plan to go off and plunk it in YOUR savings account?
2) The comments you made (more than once) last year regarding me "screwing" you over on the price of the house did nothing to motivate me to help you, especially since we are supposed to be back together.
3) We aren't married and you don't want to treat the proceeds like they are OURS.  If its going to be "mine" and "yours" what did you expect?

He wants me to invest like its for "us" yet he has spent so much time and energy making it clear that he views it as "his".   He didn't suddenly offer to share....nope, he plans to squirrel it all away for his future (with our without me).

On top of that, I am way busier than he is EVERY SINGLE DAY.  He has a cushy, great paying job that he can come and go as he pleases and take off when ever he wants.  If he needs to go work on his house he can just go.  My daily duties FILL my days.  I don't have that kind of spare time.  I do 99% of the work around the house we live in (this happens when you work from home).  I pay the cleaning lady, I do the dishes, cooking and laundry.  (Hell I should have mentioned that his is my way of helping him...by taking care of us EVERY damn day.)

I did tell him that I am planning on helping with the move (which he knows).  I will box, sort and sell most everything in his house before closing.  I'm not being a jerk about it.  I'm just not throwing myself into the situation...I'm not busting my ass to help him.

He's just a spoiled only child that wants everyone to do his bidding.

He told me repeatedly that he loves me and plans to spend the rest of his life with me, etc etc. and tried to make up as we drove to our dining local.  It softened me up a lot and we just dropped the subject and had a good dinner.

Today he has been in a better mood and even apologized for being so moody and stressed.

It is so much better than it used to be.  Yes, we still have our issues but at least now we can air them and move on relatively quickly.  It sure feels more like a real relationship and that is a good thing.