Crazy Week

JDK had been avoiding my new house for the past three months but finally made a comment that he should probably know my address.  Last Sunday when it was time for Beanie to come home I suggested he drop her off here at the house.  He said that would be fine.  I envisioned him pulling into the driveway, the kid jumping out and me waving from the front door.

Instead, he parked and she brought him in the house to show him her room!  I wasn't real keen on him coming in just yet but then again it would have been hard to stop her.  Luckily Kevin wasn't home because that would have been way too much all at once!  After viewing her room Beanie wanted to show him around so I gave him a quick little house tour.  He gave me a bag of her school stuff he had brought home.  He left and although he seemed a bit rattled I thought it went just fine.  He even let me keep his favorite piece of her art work which was very nice of him.

For a long time JDK has been promising Beanie he would get her a puppy.  He is not a dog person AT ALL and quite honestly I was shocked that he told her he would.  But as more time passed it occurred to me that he would probably never make good on that promise.   It is normal for him to say he will do something and then not follow through.   Seriously, I just can't see him taking on more responsibility for anything other than himself!

BUT.....last weekend JDK presented Beanie with a German Shepherd mix puppy that Roslyn had picked out for him.  Beanie is over the moon.  Me, not so much.  I kind of view it as JDK and Roslyn having their first child together.

I got to meet the new puppy Monday after work when I dropped Beanie off at his house.  It's cute and fuzzy and has icky puppy stink-breath. 

I am embarrassed to admit that the whole thing upsets me.  Still haven't gotten over the pain of feeling that he is doing all the things with her that he wouldn't do for me.  Not sure how I am going to get past this emotionally.  I am sure you are all sick of me going on about it but hey....we all know I have issue.

But it gets worse.

Tuesday Beanie told me that Roslyn works here in town.  Her house is in a town that is one hour from here.  JDK had mentioned that she had switched jobs.  Suddenly a lot of things started to fall into place.  (Like why there were 2 coffee makers on his counter.)  I texted him to confirm because sometimes the kid has her details wrong.  He responded "3 days a week". 

At the time the text came through I was just pulling into the car wash.  I was so flustered that I accidently didn't put the car in neutral like you are supposed to and about wrecked my car.  The boys working there were very pissed off at me as they had to reset the machine because it auto stops when a car jumps the tracks.  I got the car lined up and as soon as my car had vanished into the soap suds and I was out of site, I started sobbing uncontrollably.  It just hurts.  That is all I can say is it hurts.

I cried all the way through the car wash and all the way home.  I just couldn't' stop.  I knew it was upsetting to Beanie.  I don't think she understood why I was crying.  Then Friss called me.  Through my tears I told him.  We talked for a bit.  He was concerned.  He always asks me good questions trying to make me straighten out my thinking..... but I didn't have any answers.  I just felt crushed.  Well I got off the phone I hugged Beanie for the next 30 minutes.  I apologized for upsetting her.  She apologized for telling me.  I told her she didn't do anything wrong.

Tuesday night I barely slept.  I just felt anxious and upset.  Kevin thought it was just my allergies bothering me.  They have been so terrible lately that I spent all of Monday on the couch with my eyes closed!  Besides, Kevin is so preoccupied with being miserable at work he barely talks to me any more.

It's all a mess.  I know it makes no sense.  There is a huge disconnect between my heart and my head!  Why can't I just be happy?  What the hell is wrong with me?

This sucks.

On The Same Team

(I promise this blog is not going to be just me bitching about my ex husband!)

BUT............OMG I need to bitch.

So last week I told him that I wanted to discuss child support.  That I wanted to see if we could come to an agreement that would avoid attorney fees.  He, of course, was outraged that I wasn't sticking to the original agreement and accused me of having some master plan to screw him over. 

I calmly reminded him that I was making $80k when we got divorce, which was a fluke.  A fluke that he benefitted from for YEARS but now things are more realistic.

I mean really he saved up lots of money when we were married because he didn't pay one penny in day care for the first two years of her life and I was still paying 50% of the household bills.  (Actually more than half but he considered it half because HE didn't count things he didn't want to pay for like the cleaning lady and the new carpet and stuff like that.)

Anyhow, his first instinct was to distract me by being all lovey dovey and when that didn't work he cut me off and refused to communicate at all.  Which was fine.  It is his go-to response when he doesn't like something.

Then on Thursday night he sent me that text message (see the last post) and then he went NC again until I went to retrieve the girl from him Saturday evening.  We always meet at her school parking lot.  It is a good neutral location.  (He doesn't want to know where I live now.)

When we met at 6 pm he acted a bit stressed and I asked him how his day was.  He said he worked all day; said he had a huge deadline at work coming up this Friday; made sure I knew he was in dire straights.

When we were living together he often moaned about needing to work ALL weekend and then he would work for a few hours or even an afternoon but it was never as extensive as he acted like it would be.  He has a pretty cushy job and the only reason he gets backed into a corner like this is because it is a 6 months project that he didn't start on until a month ago.  SO he gets paid to work for 6 months but it only takes him a month to actually do the project (he works on grants) leaving lots of time for other fun things.  My point is I don't have any sympathy for him.  It's not like they dropped a last minute bomb on him.  He knew the deadline was coming.

As we drove away I asked my daughter how her day was and she proceeds to tell me that she spent the whole day with Roslyn at Roslyn's house in [town an hour from here].  I asked if Daddy worked from her house all day and she told me that he was at his house.  So, Roslyn came out Friday night and spent the night with JDK then went home Saturday morning taking my daughter with her and then drove her back out Saturday afternoon in time to get her to him to give to me.

As you probably already guessed.....I am not real happy about this.

AND before anyone gets all bent out of shape, yes, I know it is out of my control and I will just have to get over the fact that he can do as he pleases with his visitation time.

But here is where I get even madder.  I was home all day doing nothing.  I could have easily kept her but he didn't even ask.  I would assume that Roslyn was told (or assumed) that I would not watch her and that is why she helped.  I had no idea my daughter was out of town and excuse me if I like to know where my child is at. 

Side note: according to a later discussion with JDK, Roslyn did this without him asking or any prior planning...she just up and offered to help him out because she is awesome that way.
SURE. (sarcasm intended.)

So I guess his plan was to work all day and have the kid watch TV in the other room?

So I felt the need to say something to him and texted him that I could have watched her and it wasn't necessary to have saddled Roslyn with the job.  He texted me back.  "Thanks, I would like to think we are on the same team."

WTF!! 
a) he didn't even ask me so how was I not being a team player?  Remember how you weren't even speaking to me "Teammate"?
b) isn't he the one that spent all week trying to wiggle out of being on The Team with child support.  I mean I am not asking for anything other than what the courts calculate as a fair amount.  I am not asking for anything over and above what is normal and appropriate according the laws of our state.
c) I know what he is really saying....I can operate the UBT!  "Thanks, I like when YOU offer to do things for ME!"

Here is another things that chaps my ass.  Last weekend he pawned the kid off on his folks so he could vacation with his girlfriend.  This weekend he is too busy working to spend time with the child so he has the girlfriend watch her.  (Maybe he should have been home working last weekend?...just a thought.) Next weekend it will be something else and he will pass her off to another person.  You see the pattern here?  All the while he bitches and moans that he misses her and wants to spend MORE time with her; that he is so distraught by our divorce and the fact that he only has her 3 nights a week. 

PLEEEEEZ

He knows that keeping her 50/50 results in him having to pay little to no child support so it is in his financial best interest to keep our schedule (which is actually 43% his time).  His work around to still getting his free time is to have a list of babysitters all ready to help him out.

And another thing:  I would never expect Kevin to watch her all day long if I had to work.  I would ask JDK to swap days with me. I would give her father first dibs on the time with her.   I wouldn't want to impose on Kevin.  He only has 2 days a week off and he didn't choose to have a child so it should not be his problem.  Would he help if I needed it?  Yes. But he would not be my first option.

The other reason he didn't ask me is because I would have wanted to swap time out.  I would have said "I will be glad to keep her all weekend so you can work...lets just swap weekends and you keep her all next weekend".  Which is actually fair and respectful of his right to visitation.  (And then me and Kevin could go for a motorcycle trip.)

You see even though he can't get enough of the girl (that's what he says) he really doesn't want to swap time with me because that would mean that he works this whole weekend and then he has her all next weekend.  And OMG that would suck because then when would he have time to bike, run, go to the gym and fuck his girlfriend all day long?

Hurt, Sad, Angry then Depressed

I'm back.

I ran a few errands and decided I was just feeling too mopey to actually get anything accomplished.

I am trying to get to the root of my issue.....to peal back some layers and get to a more central issue.

I think it is odd that today I feel depressed and I haven't felt depressed due to the whole Boston thing until today.  I think at first I was hurt or sad but then I channeled that into some anger which was very productive. 

Today he texts me "Since we can't change that I made you unhappy in the past and our marriage is now over....tell me what I can do now to make you happier because I really want things to be better."

This sounds so nice but it only makes me feel worse.  Why couldn't he be this way when we were married? You know back when I begged him to listen to my concerns, to understand that I wanted him to be close to me, that I needed communication and reciprocity.

Then again, even if he had said this back then he would have agreed to do "X" to make me feel better and then just proceeded on doing what ever he wanted with no intentions of doing "X" for me.  He would have just said it at the time because it sounded nice.....to sooth me and get me off his back.  Oh and he doesn't consider that lying.  I do though.

That last paragraph was good.  I tend to assume people mean what they say since that is how I think.  It is good that I thought "oh that's right, he would say something nice just to get me off his back not meaning a bit of it".  How can I forget that shit.  I just DO NOT think like that so it always boggles my mind.

Really talking to him is so stupid.  I think it is a real conversation and it isn't.  It is just a game he plays to appease me or to seem like a nice guy or to get me off his back for child support.  That is the real issue....he is just trying to distract me from child support.

GRRR

I think today my depression is more complicated than this one issue (of course).  I am sure that the central issue for me is actually feeling unloved....or unlovable.  Evidently people need to be loved. I mean I do anyway.

I know that my parents loved me in a way, but not in the way most parents do.  Not in a way that produces a well adjusted grown up.  I think my father didn't want us in the first place having already raised my older brother and sister.  And my mother was never cut out to be a mother and after she had us she didn't enjoy being a parent at all.  Then my father moved away so I was abandoned by him and then my mother resented being left all by herself to raise us and she would actually tell us that she was stuck making us happy instead of doing what ever she wanted.  She bitched about it a lot....how kids ruin your life.

Flash forward to when Rocco left and broke my heart.  At one point he told me that he never believed in a soul mate until he met me.  He seemed to really be totally in love with me and I believed him, I believed in him and I trusted him with all my heart.  When he left, my heart heard this message "see, even your soul mate doesn't love you!"  At the time I didn't realize that this was totally triggering so many of my childhood issues.  I just knew that I had never felt so depressed, rejected and lost in my whole entire life.  I wanted to die.....I wanted to die A LOT!

Eventually I set out to find a better future and a real loving relationship and all I got time after time was a pile of shit.  I got a broken foot.  I got a son in prison.  I got a jerk of a boyfriend or a shitty friend.  I got a job that sucked.  A therapist who was clueless or a psychiatrist who told me I needed meds for the rest of my life.  I kept working to move on but it seemed like the cosmic forces of the universe just didn't want me to dig out of the hole.  I was meant to be buried in some depth of hell on earth where everything was pointless and depressing.

Then, for some dumb reason when I was in my early 40's I thought menopause was kicking in until I figured out I was actually pregnant.  At the time I was completely shocked and surprised.  I mean at first it just seemed so surreal.  I, of course, told JDK right away (because that's the right thing to do) before I even think thought of all the implications.  He and I had been dating off and on and not really serious at all.  It was a super big mess.

I searched my soul and decided that the child "was meant to be!"  I mean the odds that I would conceive at my age given I had sex one time and had only days before gone off my birth control pills.  It was just too impossible.

The next step was determining how JDK (the father) would be involved in this child's life.  I wanted her to have a dad.  I wanted everything to be GOOD.  I wanted what was best.  At first he begged me to abort then begged me for adoption then basically said he would try to be a good father but he didn't want ME to be his girlfriend or wife.  I, being pregnant and hormonal just hung in there hoping for the best.  I put up with terrible bullshit from him that I really shouldn't have.  I blame those damn hormones that you produce when you are pregnant; you know the ones that make you patient enough to care for a newborn child.

Later, after Beanie was here, JDK seemed rather fond of her and I just figured it was easier to stay with him than to be a single parent.  He was moody and difficult but my other option was to be lonely and have no help so I just stuck around.  Eventually I pretty much told him that if he was going to leave me he needed to just do it.  He said he wanted to stay and that he "loved his little family".

OH YEAH....this whole time.....even before Beanie was conceived he did tell me he loved me.  I had no idea that a person could wield those 3 words around and have no real meaning behind them.
 
Friss just called and is filling me with ideas: 
Do I feel guilty for not giving him a second chance? 
Do I regret not trying harder or threatening divorce sooner as a tool to change the marriage?
Do I think he means anything he says despite all the evidence to the contrary?
Do I just let him manipulate me...same as he always has.....he always gives me the opposite of what I need?

Overwhelmed and signing off for now.

Necessary Boston Rant

When I was married to JDK he always told me he hated crowds (one of the reasons he would never go skiing with me).  He always said he didn't want to do a vacation unless he could bike or paddle there (because he would be bored).  He said he didn't like to do anything "touristy".  He wouldn't travel to races with me.  He had no interest in running events and never participated in them.  He told me he ran cross country in college and was sick of running.

So late last week he sends me a text message that I have since deleted but I will paraphrase.

"Rats, I forgot to tell you I need to be out of town this weekend but will be back on Tuesday around noon.  I can take Beanie to my folks house on Saturday on the way to the airport if you can arrange to pick her up.  Also can we swap Monday night visitation to Tuesday since I will still be gone Monday evening?"

I asked if it was personal or work related and he said (and this is word for word his response) "Personal I guess."  << what does that mean?  I guess?  Ass-wipe.

I didn't ask what he was actually up to because I figured I didn't want to know.  I was right.

Beanie slipped and told me after I picked her up on Monday (they didn't have school so I made a daytrip to BIG city 2 hours to the west of me).

After I found out where he was I (once again) felt punched in the gut by how he now blatantly does so many things that he told me OVER AND OVER again that he wouldn't do, couldn't' do or refused to do.

And, maybe it is just me making something out of nothing, but when he does this it basically makes me feel that he was even MORE abusive to me than I had originally suspected.  I wanted to believe that our relationship was full of misunderstanding and not intentional pain.  I wanted to believe that his "winning over of the girlfriend" was just a phase.  But he is still doing it.  I understand he no doubt worries she will dump him if he is not more careful; after all his first two wives left him eventually because he was so selfish.  Still on some level he just took me so for granted that it makes me sick.

More and more I think back about all he did and said and his overall attitude was this:
"well I am stuck with her but I am certainly not going to go out of my way for her.  She would never leave me so I can pretty much get away with anything that makes ME happy.  I will do just enough for her to keep her from being a raving bitch to me but other than that, I will be happy to let her work hard to be a good mother and wife while I carry on as if I am not in a relationship because HEY, I didn't choose this option she chose it for me so she owes me.  She is not the boss of me....I will never let her win!"

And if he thinks that is not abusive than he is completely delusional.

I kick myself in the ass for letting him use me for so long.  I hate the fact that now, after all that has happened he feels he was the victim and that he did the best he could and he didn't want the divorce and he is a poor sausage that everyone should feel sorry for.  I know his narrative is all about how I forced him to marry me and how he eventually fell in love with me only to have me betray his trust.

IT MAKES ME ILL

I saw his parents on Monday and they were nice to me.  They are nice people.  I always wonder what he has told them.  I, of course, never bad talk their son to them, but on some level I wish they knew half of the crappy shit he did to me so they would understand that I didn't do him dirty; that I just had to get out of a one sided relationship that was heart breaking for me.

I know that in order to live with himself and in order to explain his divorce to other people he has to paint this picture that he wasn't a bad guy.  I know that no matter what I think or do he will cling to his new and improved story of the past.  It's not like he will suddenly validate my position.  Yet I still can't seem to stop pointing out how he contradicts himself by telling me one thing one day and then months later totally denying it.

Anyway, I need to quit giving him real estate in my head so I will wind this bitch session up and get on to my next project for the day. 

Chump Lady

Of course I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn't sleep.  I always churn over my discussions with the ex husband.  I am always shocked at how he can think the way he does.

I know it does me no good to stew about things!!

I have noticed that I can barely find time to read chump lady until I tangle with him and then I can't get enough. 

Last night at 2:30 am I got up and read Chumplady for over an hour.  I read almost every comment on yesterdays discussion about child support.  I really want to get ex to pay child support since he is so super stingy about helping out with her expenses (mainly clothes and activities such as her swim lessons).

I had been meaning to hit him up for some child support but I had been balking because I knew the confrontation wouldn't be fun.  I know he will be adamantly apposed to paying anything in child support.

Then when I found out he traveled to Boston with his girlfriend who was running the Boston Marathon I thought to myself "why do you worry about making him mad?  Ask for child support and get that ball rolling."

My attorney suggested I offer to work with him outside of the courts and if he wouldn't agree to that to call her and we could file the papers and serve him.

You see when we actually filed for our divorce my salary was MORE than his.  (I was grossly overpaid as I have told you many times.)   Now I make NOTHING.  When I do get another accounting position (which I plan to this fall) I will be making about half what I was when we got divorced.  By my calculations he owes me a minimum of $188 per month and if I could get away with claiming my current income he would owe me about $850 per month.

The point is he pays nothing and currently makes $65,000 more than me so he needs to start paying more of his fair share.

The fact that he has always tried to take advantage of me financially is certainly a part of my decision to get him to start paying more.  I spent hundreds on her swimming lessons this last winter and he refused to help out.  He also refused to contribute to the cost of her school supplies.  I think I did manage to recoup that by having him pay for art camp last summer. 

Anyway......he needs to help pay to support HIS child and I shouldn't feel bad for asking!

rewriting history in your mind doesn't change reality

Wow!!

The ex husband continues to blow my mind with his blatant changing of history.

I really only go on what he tells me.  I only believe what he actually says or does. Yet, after the fact he acts like I dreamed that truth up and I am so far out in left field that he doesn't even understand.

How the hell can a guy who flat out told me he didn't love me when we got married later tell me that he never lied to me!!?!?!?!?!

WTF!!!

today he said "How can you say I abused you?"  I respond "all the lies"  he responds "if you think I lied then....I am glad you are in a better place. I will do my best to strengthen that happiness.  Sorry I made you so unhappy."

So dramatic!!

He just sucks on some astronomical level.

I gotta go ride my bike.

More later.

Feels Like Monday

Last night I barely slept.  My mind just WOULD NOT STOP GOING!

At one point I got up and did some internet shopping and looked for a job on line.  Shelter insurance had a job for a "Life Accountant".  What the hell is that?  There description didn't help fill in the blanks either.  Weird.

From 3-4 a.m. I just laid in bed shivering.  I rarely get cold and I thought it would pass.  I finally got up and put on some sweatpants and a sweat shirt and went back to bed.  I'm a mess!

I think some people just think too much.  I seem to think more than most people.  Sometimes it's a blessing but often it's a curse.  My mind is always churning.  I mull over so many things...too many things.  It would be impossible to even tell anyone.  I wish I had a quiet simple mind.

My cold is better.  I don't think I have a sinus infection.  I think I am on the mend.  I am so thankful.

I got up this morning and tried to get a lot done.  I was sure I would crash from lack of sleep so I got Beanie to school early, ran a few arrands and then came home to work on taxes.  I am doing Kevin and his daughters taxes two ways.  First the right way; the way the auditors would be happy with and then the way that makes them pay the least.  I think we can get away with the second way.  I have to do them both to be sure which is best.  It is a pain in the ass to do two peoples taxes each two different ways.  Especially when I don't have last years returns or all the documentation I need.  On the bright side Kevin is helpful and knowledgable so it could be so much worse.

I also researched the filing status for me and JDK.  I assumed that since we were married for more than 6 months of 2014 we should file jointly.  BUT, the IRS says if you are divorced on December 31st you should file separately.  THIS WILL PISS HIM OFF FOR SURE.  I just about had our joint return completed.  I think he will owe more when I separate them.  Ugh.

I love fighting with him......NOT.
Actually I am so sick of it I can't see straight.  I would rather have a root canal!

One of the things I thought of last night is the fact that I no longer go to his parents house so no one is taking photos of Beanie with her Grandparents.  This gives me great stress.  I don't want her photographic evidence of her relationship with her grandparents to end at 6 years old.  They are good people who love her so much and do so much for her.  I want her to have fond memories and photos to reflect on.  I have only ONE photo of me with my grandmother and it makes me so sad.  I wish there were more tangible eveidence of our relationshnip.  Beanie loves them so very much and I somehow feel that no one values that.  Her dad just drops her there and heads out to do his own thing.  When I used to go along I would take tons of photos.  I have asked her dad to take pictures but he can't be bothered to stop being selfish long enough to pull out his phone and snap some nice shots.  Asswipe!

Today I asked him for the $250 he shorted me on the house deal.  Mind you, he got a fucking unbelievable deal on that house because I am a chump and felt guilty and I moved to a super tiny place and had no choice but to leave so much behind.  Anyhow....I asked him and he got all bent out of joint and said "I will pay you but lets never speak of it again....it upsets me greatly."  I then replied "how can you be upset that you shorted me money and I didn't make a huge deal about it and now some 6 months later I really need it and I ask?"  So he ignored me.

He is the most selfish fucked up manipulative jack ass I have ever known in my life!! UGH

How did I get to be so lucky as to marry a person who didn't really love me and just used me for 8 years and basically took anything and everything he could from me. 

Sometimes I feel my life has just been a waste.  Like I was just put on this earth for others to suck the life out of me.

Saturday Morning - Sinus Infection

Pretty sure I have a sinus infection.  I used to get them all the time....then I had surgery and for a few years I didn't have a single sinus infection.  But in the past few years I have had at least one.  Anyway it looks like I will be making a trip to the doctor on Monday to get some antibiotics. 

Boo!

I really don't have time to be sick.  I need to get our taxes done next week.  My deadline is Friday.  I must have them all done by Friday.

I just put color on my hair.  I pay about $7 to buy the home coloring kit.  It's really easy and it doesn't look too bad...I don't think.  I can't believe that many woman pay $70-$100 per month to get there hair professionally colored in a salon.  It may look better but not 10 times better!  Before Beanie was born I had a friend who was a stylist; she would color my hair for free using the salon colorants.  It actually dried my hair out more than my Performing Preference does so I told her I would just do it myself and save her the hassle.  I didn't tell her I felt it was ruining my hair.

I am anxiously waiting for Friss to call.  His dad was supposed to go see him yesterday.  I am dying to hear how it went.

Ramone called me yesterday just to say hi and check in.  That was nice.

Monster hasn't asked for a ride to the gym in days which has worked out well for me since I am sick.

I told Kevin it is time to pay my credit card and I will need his help.  He grumbled a little.  Hopefully it won't be a big deal.

Today Beanie is with her Dad at G&G's house for Easter.  I will have her tomorrow and we will celebrate with Kevin's family.  I am looking forward to a day of family.  I hope I feel better tomorrow.

I hope Beanie has a nice day.  She tells me all the time how she misses me coming along to visit G&G.   I miss them too.  Divorce sucks.

Oh that reminds me......JDK keeps telling me how sad he is we got divorced and how he wishes it could have worked out.   Yesterday I told him I wish it could have worked out too (that is always what I tell him because it is true).  I also told him that you can't have a real marriage with someone who doesn't want to be your friend.  Just last week he admitted he didn't want to be my friend when we were married and it took me leaving for him to realize he did want to be my friend.  In his mind, the fact that I didn't want to go back to him after I moved out and he was dating Joslyn was me ending our marriage.  In my mind it was over way before that; in fact it never began because he never tried to be married to me.  He legally went through the process but mentally never wanted to be my husband or friend.  That is why we never had a REAL marriage!

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that a person would marry someone they don't love and then actively make it a point to not be their friend.  That is some sick messed up shit!  I guess that is why I stayed as long as I did.....I kept thinking that he would try to make a good relationship with me, because isn't that what any NORMAL person would do?

Shitty Gifts

Today, around 1 pm Beanie's Dad (JDK) showed up at my house to pick her up for Christmas.

He dropped off three things while he was here.

1) some wind chimes that where mine and I told him I wanted them back if he didn't want them. They had been hanging on the front porch and I knew he pulled them down because they had old wasp nests in them. They seem to be in working order....missing a part but that may have been gone a long time ago. This was nice of him.

2) a gift bag with some chocolate and a bottle of wine. So....this from a guy who is health conscious and knows I need to lose weight and a person who is always bitching that WE need to drink less alcohol.  I am not really impressed by this offering. It is drug store shopping and I would rather he didn't bother. (It wasn't even the special chocolate I would have preferred.)

3) A box all wrapped up in pretty paper with a big bow on it.

I opened the box after he left and this is what was in there; a bottle of run and a disc of some sort.  On the surface it seems nice enough.  In fact....is that a "mix tape"????  (GOD I am dating myself with such comments. LOL)  That could actually be sentimental or sweet.  (Not that I am holding out, no I am just saying, "what is he up to?")

Let us examine further this "gift"...........

Last time he got me some rum it was for valentines day 2013.  (The only time he got me rum because really it is a shitty gift no matter how you look at it.)  At that time we had a huge fight and he left the house and didn't come home all night.  I drank said run over the next 24 hours and was as sick and drunk and stupid as I have ever been.  I DO NOT LIKE hard liquor and would never drink run normally.  So, this gift was just a gentle reminder of a huge fight we had about a year before we got divorced.  He knows I do not like hard liquor!  Gift of rum = shitty gift!

The enclosed disc....what the hell is it?  I tried it in my CD player and it doesn't appear to be music.  The description that he wrote on it make me think maybe a cycling DVD to play on the TV and ride your bike to?  I tried it in my DVD player and it didn't work.  I haven't tried it on the PC yet....maybe it would do something then.  I can't even get it to play so SHITTY GIFT!!!

But, if indeed it is a workout video then why?  I took all of OUR work out videos because I had purchased them (paid for them).  I can't help but think this was his way of saying "I purchased more, better videos so you taking the ones we had is no big deal"  In other words "I win again!"  STILL A SHITTY GIFT!

OK, maybe he was trying to share something cool and was just in the spirit of giving but I really doubt that since................and this is the kicker!!!

The box he chose to wrap this all in is from some women's shoes.   I have never seen it before...not a box I left at his house so who do you think might have left it there?????  I don't know but it is my understanding there is only one other women who hangs out at his house and that would be his girlfriend Joslyn. 

Wait, why would SHE have the box at his house if she purchased them for herself?  Wouldn't that box be at her house?  No doubt he purchased them for her and that is why the box was at his house.  Maybe from her birthday?  and early Christmas gift?  I don't know and I don't care but really....do you think that might have been planned?  Did he do it just to punch me in the gut ONE MORE TIME?

I think he probably did.  I may be just making something out of nothing.  Maybe it was a box his secretary gave him or he found at the recycle bin.......but I don't think so.

Anyhow....the whole thing was just one crappy moment after the next which I really think he meant it to be.

I didn't get him anything.........nothing....zip............ZERO!