Weekend Getaway was GOOD

POST TO COME

Mothers Day Weekend

WOW…what a weekend.  So busy and so much accomplished.

Here are the highlights:

Friday husband got a new Subaru Outback.  We both love it!   (I am actually a little nervous that I may like it more than my Honda CRV…it has more room.)

Yesterday morning I luckily ran into some friends which in turn led to the four of us running together for 13.1 miles in about 2 hours.  Now that was a run I desperately needed!

Husband was pretty darn good all weekend.  I expected him to be all grumpy from writing large checks at the car dealer but he wasn’t.  I expected him to be grumpy for spending so much money at the grocery store but he wasn’t.  I expected him to be cranky after entertaining family all day Sunday but he wasn’t.  Has anyone seen my “real” husband?

This morning Husband and I had “adult” relations and it wasn’t so bad.  More quick and to the point which is what I needed. 

Over the weekend I asked him some more questions about why he is so “fiercely” independent.  I want to understand.  I think George and I both assume that he was smothered as a child and fears loss of freedom.  The only answer he gave me that I could grasp on to was that he doesn’t want to “bother” anyone.  He told me that other people don’t really care about his life and what he is doing so why needlessly bother them about it.  You see he assumes no one cares what he is doing.  I told him I care what he is doing and would love to be more informed and involved.  I also realize that this is why he doesn’t ask me what I am up to….he doesn’t care.  (See it goes both ways)

Today we had a huge crowd at our house for Mother’s Day; his parents, my mother and her bf, my brother and his gf and one of the girlfriends daughters, Monster and his dog Guillermo, Ramone and her dog Sprout and last but not lease, friend of the family, Lauren.  Super busy, super fun day but wow I am wiped out.  I am going to bed now and it’s only 7:30!

Husband, Beanie and Me.

Ramone and Monster and thier puppies.

I WANTED to Go Home!

one for each Grandma.

It was raining outside so the evening bike ride was cancelled.  I had also planned to attend a multisport club meeting at 7:30 pm.  But at 5, as I was leaving the office, I was tired and I just felt like going home for the night.

On the way home it occurred to me that if Husband and Beanie both came home it would be nice….that I wanted them to be there with me.  This made me very happy.

You see, usually if I go home after work I secretly hope they don’t come home because I want to relax and there is no way to relax with either one of them around.  In the past, husband would be projecting his unpleasant mood around and the Bean would be, well, be acting her age and be loud, agitated, animated, demanding, moody and precocious.  Or Husband would arrive, dump the kid on me and head off to do his own thing and then my "free" night would turn into his free night and I would just feel taken advantage of.

I phoned hubby and asked if they had plans….he said not really and I said why don’t  you come home and all three of us can hang out and Beanie can finish her craft projects for Mother’s Day.  

So they did. 

And we had a very nice evening.  Beanie’s project turned out fantastic (see above) and Husband hung around while I supervised the crafting and we all chatted and had fun. 

Now this is something I could get used to.

He Thinks I have Anxiety Issues

Today was a food visit for Friss and HIS BIRTHDAY.  My eldest is now 31 years old!  He said it is the most anticlimactic birthday yet; that 31 is just no big deal. (He’s right)

I got home around 6 pm and Husband was hauling groceries into the house.  (Early for him to be home.) I was wiped out from all the driving and 3 hours of talking in a big room with lots of people; all the while trying to rein in a 5 year old that was low on sleep and high on silliness.

After we put the groceries away husband was all eager to talk.  I found this odd but whatever.  He asked how the visit went and I told him a few things.  He hung around and acted interested in talking MORE (it was raining outside) so we continued to chat.

He asked me why I don’t meditate and suggested that maybe some ADD meds would help.  I told him how meds fix one problem but create others.  Besides, ADD is not the problem, time is.  He then wondered if I just always keep myself too busy to relax.  I explained that if I quit running and biking I would have spare time.  I used to.  I used to sit and read or enjoy my morning coffee on the porch.  Both these things were when I had no small children around and no time consuming hobbies to speak of.

At some point he started telling me about when his ex wife first left him and he went to therapy and got on meds.  This is something personal about his past and he rarely talks about anything personal or past! 

I decided to share with him how I am very nervous to make new friends and fit in at Beanie’s new “fancy” school next fall.  He told me I try too hard and come across as desperate to fit in.  I guess I am desperate and it is obvious.  I don’t know how to be cool.  He thinks I need anxiety meds.  I don’t think meds are good for ME, but I will look into anxiety issues more.

I also told him how I feel like all the other mothers at Beanies current school are fairly close and I don’t even know how they develop these relationships given all we do is drop off and pick up a kid at the same location.  How do they all know who I am and I don’t know who they are.  Even the parents with kids in the younger classes seem to know my name.  His response to this “you think like an Engineer”.  Well I know I do, both my parents are retired engineers.  That doesn’t do anything to help me understand what is different.  (Feeling hopeless again.)

He also (and is this HUGE) brought up a fight we had in August of 2006 when we were dating and on vacation in Colorado.  While buying supplies at the grocery store in town (we were camping) he picked up a small bag of M&Ms at the checkout.  I saw him getting M&M and said I wanted some too.  I knew his would look good so I figured I should just get some for myself rather than expect him to share.  He got angry and didn’t speak to me for a long time.  I mean like hours or it might have been longer.  (long time ago so details are foggy.)  I never understood what the hell was his deal or what exactly pissed him off so much.  He never would tell me.

(I should have dumped him right there and then but I didn’t * sigh*.)

So he finally told me (almost 7 years later) that he was angry that I was copying him and that he is fiercely independent and I am so needy.  Or something to that effect.  I was being too comfortable for him I guess.

As we stood in the kitchen I could feel my nose turning red as the tears started to well up.  I controlled it because I know how he hates it if I get emotional.  I told him that mirroring people is a technique that is actually supposed to make people like you.  (Not that I was actually thinking that at the time.  At the time I just thought M&Ms sounded like a good idea.)

I told him I got my own to be nice so I would not ask for some of his and ….even more important….it was just a freakin’ bag of candy! 

He reiterated again that he is fiercely independent.

We talked about a lot more and unfortunately, I couldn’t just get up Saturday morning and write it all down.  Wish I had….there was tons of good stuff in there.  This is what stuck and what seems relevant.

Mostly Friday night I felt thrilled that he had finally, finally had a real conversation with me.  That we interacted like close friends or people that have a real emotional relationship.  You know….sharing feeling and thoughts not just exchanging information.

Ramone Wants Her Own Place

A few months ago Monster moved out of his dad’s house and in with a bunch of friends.  He is currently going to college, but as best I can tell has little interest in doing so.  I understand he wants to move out so he can feel like an adult but I also worry that he will need to work more hours to pay his bills and he will then spend even less time and energy on his lessons.  Also I am ticked off because his dad kind of tricked me into helping pay his rent (only $190/ month).  In the end I was hoping it would help alleviate the boy of some financial stress therefore helping him with school.  THEN he went and got a puppy.  I wanted to cut off the rent payment thinking “if you can afford a pet you can afford rent”.  But then I realized I didn’t have the energy to start a fight…..I just want the kid to get through college.

So….with all that animosity percolating in my head and heart on Thursday March 28^th Ramone announced she was also going to move out.  She and her best friend were going to start looking for a place to rent so they could move out as soon as they graduate from high school.  Of course I am opposed and not going to help her.  She views that as me not being supportive.   However, right now, she has no interest in going to college so let her get out and taste the real world and see how hard it is to live decent while working minimum wage jobs.  She will be 18 on May 23^rd which happens to be the day of graduation.

The first place they found was in a terribly dangerous part of town AND they wanted a co-signer.  I told I would NOT be cosigning a lease for her!  Also, that very day there was a shooting by the apartment they were interested in.  She decided to keep looking.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

A few days later, she comes up with an even better place.  This one is bigger, newer and in a better neighborhood.  She was excited and thought she could get her dad to co-sign for it.  When she told me where it was I was immediately thinking no way.  I quizzed her some more and she sent me a photo.  YES, it was the building that her older brother Friss had last lived in.  You know, the one I had to clean out because he was going to prison for a LONG time.  I told her she had to keep looking that I would not step foot in that place…it was making me sick to my stomach to even think about her living there.

And that little brat told me “well you don’t have to come in then”.  This was last Monday the 1^st and I spent the whole day feeling ill.  When I got home my sweet husband listened to me as I told him what was going on.  He was nice and offered me constructive advice. On Tuesday morning I called Ramone’s dad and talked to him.  I cautioned him to let her pay her own way that he should be frank about how he would help or not help.  He is a bit of a softy and the kids walk all over him.  (Ok he has no spine but I am trying to be nice.) I also reminded him that if he co-signed he was putting himself financially on the hook for her.  Later that day he told her he would not co-sign and she called me to bitch me out for telling her Dad not to sign.  My life is always a joy.  But, I was relieved that she would not be moving into that townhouse.

Finally today, she called and had found yet another place.  (I guess this is all they do in their spare time.)  This one is the upper floor of an old house that has been converted into apartments.  It is in a decent part of town and she knows the teens that rent the downstairs place.  They say the landlord is a good guy and he is not requiring a co-signer, just a verbal OK from the parents.  I plan to go see the place and review the lease early next week.  So far this option seems like it may work all the way around. I will keep you posted.

Let's Talk about Porn!

The night my husband stayed out until 1:30 a.m. I was sitting there fuming and thinking things like “if he doesn’t come home by morning I’m changing the locks first thing”.  I also, got up and cleared out his porn drawer.  For some reason, that was the first things I thought to do.  I was going to throw it away.  I hate his porn!  (Later I gave it back to him.)

He keeps telling me he does it for me. That he has a very high sex drive and prefers to ejaculate at least once a day so he “uses” the porn to aid him in this activity.  Usually on the days I leave the house early to run, before our daughter gets up, he takes the opportunity to relax with some lube and one of these DVDs.

My husbands porn collection.

He says if he did not do this he would never leave me alone and he would be staring at random women’s breasts all day long. 

You know what I think about it……..

a)      The fact that men are such slaves to their sex drive makes me crazy.  EVOLVE MEN..EVOLVE!

b)      I really don’t want this crap in the same house with my kids.

c)       I HATE the way porn portrays sex!

I think men who watch a lot of porn get effed up ideas about what sex is and what it should be like.   You ever notice that the people in the movies are never in a committed relationship? It is like the pizza guy shows up and the scantily clad horny rich girls having a slumber party drag him into the house so they can have their naughty way with him.  Yes, this is every man’s fantasy, and I understand that is why it sells, but how many men out there start wanting or expecting something similar to happen to them or they are disappointed? 

NO men…..chances are………….your wife is NOT going to great you at the door dressed as a French maid and beg to give you a 1 hour blow job!  NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

Now, I am not advocating making porn illegal nor do I think anyone that watches it has issues.  I think porn has its place.  But at my house it is substituting for a real physical relationship between me and my husband which I am sure is wrong.

I always wonder if he isn’t addicted or something.  I wonder if he didn’t masturbate so much he might have more of a desire to actually work on a real relationship with me so he could be sexually satisfied by a real person.  I mean for a guy that is scared to connect how convenient to have sex with a movie and when you are satisfied you can just pop it back in the drawer until next time.  So neat and tidy, not messy like a real relationship.

This last week husband has been pretty darn sweet and I have been enjoying the low stress feeling of nobody being in a bad mood.  I have been doing great on my diet, getting in my workouts and getting caught up here at work.  Peace is so good for me.  :)

I never did get up the nerve (or have a good opportunity) to discuss “negotiation” with him but I have that discussed filed away in my head should I need it.  

I don’t feel like I really NEED to talk to George tomorrow and I was even thinking about cancelling since it does cost me money.  Then I got to thinking that last week George and I spoke briefly about my husband’s porn habit and he agreed with me that it is not good for our marriage.  I think tomorrow I will go in and talk to him some more about porn and see what George thinks I can do to get the porn out of my house.  (it can be awkward to discuss though)

Another Snow Day

taken with my phone out the bathroom window.

Yesterday was yet another snow day. 

Monday I did EVERYTHING I could think of to ensure that Tuesday I could stay home and enjoy my day off.  I even made sure I had a few podcasts on my MP3 player to listen to.  As long as I didn’t have to drive I was more than happy to let Mother Nature do her thing.

Yesterday morning I tried to sleep in but my alarm went off.  Oops…forgot to turn it off.  (I usually get up at 4:45 on Tuesday for my morning run.)

Then I tried to watch TV in bed and relax with my hot chocolate but my 5 year old had to dance on the bed and be all fidgety so I gave that up before something was spilled or I yelled at her.

Then husband went out to shovel and the needy 5 year old hogged all my attention and wouldn’t let me do anything but play with / appease her.

After husband shoveled he cleaned the basement and his man room.

I keep entertaining the little brat.  I mean sweet girl.

I tried to get online to order her a new set of swim goggles….her good ones have vanished.

I couldn’t even place the order because she was nagging me to do a puzzle and about to dump a 1000 piece puzzle on the floor!!

So I found a 500 piece puzzle and started it with her.  She of course was knocking pieces off onto the floor and the dog was trying to eat them.  Frustrating.

(She did a 45 piece puzzle in about 15 minutes with no help from me…….and the 500 was the next easiest one in the house.)

Husband was still waltzing around the house doing whatever he felt like.

By now I was just feeling pissed.  I had a book on tape, a real book, an assortment of magazines and a few projects that I thought I might get a chance to do but NOOOOO……the kid would not leave me alone for a freaking second. 

Then, the power went out!!  CRAP

Husband knew I was getting impatient and when I asked him to do the puzzle with us he balked at first and then joined us.  It’s not as bad entertaining her when he is not off doing EVERYTHING he wants to do.

We moved the table by the window and the light was sufficient.

The next 20 minutes were fairly pleasant.

Then Beanie got even more jittery and yappy so I finally made her take a nap. Then of course, Husband hovered around me like a dog in heat.  You see if we are ever alone for a nanno second he thinks he needs to make a move in order to get some sex.  Yet, when sex is not possible he shows very little interest in me at all in any way.  Frustrating!

I finally told him to get lost.  NOT IN THE MOOD!

I did puzzle by myself for an hour and listened to my podcast of TAL.  Finally I had some alone time.  Yeah.

The house was so quiet that I got sleepy and was bored with puzzling alone so I took a little nap. 

When Beanie woke up, Husband made a big deal about me being asleep.

“Beanie, mommy is resting…...don’t bother her!!!”  “I will play with you!!” 

Not sure why he has to be that way.  I feel like maybe he is trying to show off that he is being considerate.  Like hey, everyone look, I am being generous!?

They finished the puzzle and I just rested in bed.  Not really asleep but not in the mood to get out of the warm covers.  I played solitaire on my phone and listened to my podcasts. 

Not sure what the temp in the house was but once I put on a stocking cap I was fairly comfortable.

My phone finally died around 7 pm.  No more Facebook or texting.  Cut off from the world for real.

By now my biggest concern was I wanted to eat a warm meal and I couldn’t even boil water thanks to the lack of electricity.  Wishing I had a gas stove!! 

I asked Husband if we could get out the camping stove and he was all “NO”.

So I ate a bowl of cereal for dinner and set the milk out in garage to stay cold.

We put an extra blanket on the bed and all three of us were plenty warm all night.

Since the power was still off this morning, I came into work to shower and eat.  Lucky we have a full bath and full kitchen here!  When I took Beanie to school at 8 the roads were fine.

When I got back I quickly jumped online and ordered her goggles and some 100 piece puzzles for the girl!

Then I realized today is my Husband’s birthday!!  OOPS

At lunch I ran and got a gift and a card.  On the way home we will pick up a pizza and then make a fuss over him tonight.  Felt bad that I forgot this morning, but trying to decide how to feed the kid and get a shower with no electricity was taking up my brain space.

Hope everyone is staying safe and warm out there!

Stepping Back and Thinking

Seriously some days I feel so frazzled and think my life is just such a giant piece of crap and other days I think WOW…it’s just not so bad.  I suppose that some of it is hormones.  I mean really, some days you just feel more stable than others.

So Last Friday night, husband got home late and then vanished into the basement. I was just hating him.  Then all weekend he tried to be so nice and then finally Monday I started to feel less mad.  I am really realizing that he is so much nicer to me now than he was even 6 months ago.  BUT, after 6 years of him being a jerk it doesn’t really sink in that he is not being a jerk much anymore.

If he had behaved like this say 5 years ago right after our daughter was born I would have said “I am very happy to have such a great husband.” 

SO…..for my own amazement I am going to make a list!! (I love lists)

1)      He used to ignore my emails most of the time.  Now, he responds to them all and he even initiates emails.

2)      He takes care of our daughter a LOT more often…..still not as much as I do but he certainly tries to do his share.

3)      He does try to talk to me most every night when he gets home from work.  (Last Friday he was more his old self, came in and grunted and disappeared, but that is becoming less frequent.)

4)      His mood used to be a crap shoot.  On the drive home I would have no idea if he would be pissy or nice when I got home.  Now I can say that he is usually pleasant when I arrive home.

5)      He now tells me where he is more often.  He used to NEVER tell me where he was going or when he would be back.  Now he is probably up to at least half the time he let s me know.

6)      He never could manage to agree on a vacation with us but last summer we all went to Cancun.

7)      He has been trying to kiss me more and compliment me more.  Things I have asked for over the years and he is now making the effort.

8)      He is still passive aggressive at times but it is MUCH better.

9)      I can ask him to take out the trash or unload the dishwasher and he does it.  This had been a total NO-NO.  If I asked it was a guarantee it would NOT be done.

Why has he changed?  I'm not sure, but her are some ideas:

In the past two years I have just totally gotten away from expecting ANYTHING from him.  I do my own thing, live my own life and pretty much leave him alone.  It has been absolutely terrible for my attraction to him, but I think it may have helped him to feel less pressured by me and therefore (being a stubborn and backwards man type) made him feel more agreeable to actually work on our marriage and doing things for me.

His ex wife left him for another man.  It’s possible that he worries that I might run off with Uwe or one of my tri buddies.  I do have many male friends.  I wonder if he thought it through and decided it would be easier to make good with me than it would be to start over…again?

As our daughter gets older he has more of a need to set a good example and behave in a fashion he would want her to learn.  He does take raising her to be a good person very seriously and hearing her say he was acting like a jerk did shake him up.

He is just older, more mature and learning to be a better person.  He has “grown” over the past 6 years.  This is what George told me to keep in mind as I find my husband being a better person than he used to be.

I am happy that he is doing better.  Now I just need to be more excited about working on my marriage again.  I have just detached emotionally so much in past few years.

It was Awkward

My husband has been kind and helpful lately.  He has certainly been bending over backwards to be nice.  We only had a 3 day workweek last week and he picked up our daughter all three days and did it with generosity, not resentment.  (I was tending to older kids.) He also spent more time at home interacting in a pleasant way.  We were both in the kitchen cooking on Sunday morning and it was actually fun.

Saturday afternoon my daughter’s friend had a birthday party so we never got in a much needed nap.  Saturday night both the 5 year old and the puppy were fast asleep by 7:30 leaving me and my husband alone with each other for hours. 

At first we watched TV together which is pretty normal.  But then, he turned off the TV and tried to get all affectionate.  It felt so awkward that I physically reacted by pulling away and saying “wait”.  He then acted kind about that and went on to tell me that his new year’s resolution is to be more loving and kiss me more. 

I really felt he was making an honest effort and being sincere.  I was touched but still it just felt odd.   This is what I have been asking for and now that he is making an effort I am not happy about it….. I’m uncomfortable.

It just felt strange because over the last year or so, in an effort to not feel hurt by his distance I have distanced myself from him emotionally.  We function more like roommates and pretty much leave each other alone and mind our own business.  That is what I am used to because I have adjusted to him.

When we do have sex (couple times a month these days) it is just a physical act with no real affection involved.  I just put up with it because I know it makes him happy.  He does it for the physical release.  He does not NEED intimacy like I do.

So now I feel bad and I am thinking I need to research ways to get back my desire…..to feel closer to him again.  I don’t want to get my hopes up but if there is a chance I don’t want to pass it up.  I don’t know if he can keep it up.  I hope so.

GOOD WEEKEND

We had a very good weekend mostly because Husband was so sweet.

First, Friday night I went to some friend’s birthday party and left him in charge of the puppy and our daughter.  I thought for sure he would be mad and grumpy all weekend because of it so I was thrilled that he wasn’t.  At the party we played laser tag….OMG so much fun!

Saturday morning I did my usual long run and again….Husband had to watch both the puppy and Bean for 2 whole hours.  He had to take the puppy outside because she gets pretty rowdy in the morning, but he did a fine job.

Saturday afternoon Beanie attended a birthday party for one of her classmates at the bowling alley.  That was fun and a bit crazy.  I had hoped to sneak out to test drive some cars but there was no leaving.  These kids needed adult supervision!  

She picked out the outfit herself and did her own hair!

 

Saturday night I dozed off trying to watch Sherlock Holmes with Hubby.  It was just boring and I had been up since 5 am.  He didn’t seem too upset with me or act stupid about it.  So relieved.

Sunday morning Husband suggested a family bike outing.  Beanie keeps wanting to ride her bike with us but we both know she will last about 10 minutes and then be done with it so we keep balking at the idea.   This time we decided to bring the trailer so when she ran out of steam we would pop her in the cart and still get in our ride.

I tossed the dog in the kennel and we headed out before 9 am.  (It’s been crazy warm weather here for December.)  Husband had the idea to drive to a little town nearby that we could catch the trail on.  It was a bit farther than I thought we were going but no big deal.  Once there, Beanie jumped on her bike and rode with great glee.  Daddy and I were thrilled as she kept saying she was having the best time and loved riding bikes with us. 

20 minutes later she was crying and would not ride her bike anymore, or walk, or talk or anything.  We tried everything to make her happy again but nothing worked.  The kid just shuts down at times and it is so frustrating.  Finally Husband rode back to the car and fetched her trailer.  He stuffed her into it against her protests.  He finally spanked her after she was just totally mean and out of control for the longest time.  I was proud of him actually.  He tends to let her walk all over him at times and I think it is spoiling her and making her a brat.

From there we headed off biking and she sat in the trailer bitching.  I offered to take her home so Husband could ride in peace but he said NO we need to teach her that she can’t win by being mean and nasty.  He was right so we biked on.  After we had biked for maybe a half hour the girl fell asleep.  I think it might have only been 10 am by then.  This is when I realize how badly we need to work on getting her to bed earlier in the evening.  She needs more sleep!

 

Soon we came to a scenic outlook we wanted to explore so we woke her up and much to my surprise, after some initial grogginess she was sweet as could be.  The rest of the outing was nice and fun and the girl was happy.  We biked a total of about 24 miles.

As we loaded the bikes back into the SUV Beanie insisted we go out to eat so Daddy took us all to Taco Bell.  Sitting there eating it struck me how odd it felt all three of us in a fast food joint.  It was common for me to take Ramone and Monster here when they were small children but this was only the second time Beanie had ever been there.  We eat out so rarely.  She loved her taco and fruit smoothie.

I was starting to worry about the puppy…..we had been gone much longer than I thought we would be.  It was 1:30 pm when we got home and found Pasha was dry and clean and in good spirit.  She of course missed us and mauled us with puppy love but no accidents while we were gone.  She wanted to play and I wanted to get Beanie to take a “real” nap.  I had to lay down with Beanie so I put the puppy outside alone.  Hated to do that to her.

Thanks to her cat nap in the trailer earlier Beanie would not go back to sleep.  I dozed off just long enough to make me grumpy.  I had planned to do some Christmas photos while the weather was so nice, but I knew better than to try if we were both not well rested.  This actually upset me because I knew I wouldn’t get another opportunity in December to take photos on a sunny afternoon with the temperature above 70 degrees.  Hard to believe it is December!

I started to feel agitated because I am rather tired of dealing with a crabby kid and the fact that nap time takes up the best part of the day and that the puppy was getting neglected.  I assumed that Husband would probably want alone time so I plotted to escape to Uwe’s house.  Much to my surprise, Husband actually volunteered to keep the girl so I could get a break.  I left feeling guilty as hell, but still….I left taking the puppy with me.

Once I got to Uwe house we took the dog for a walk but he seemed a little bit odd and I got the feeling he didn’t really want company so I didn’t stay too long. 

When I got home around 7 Daddy was just putting the girl to bed AND he had even given her a bath!   GOOD DADDY!!

I of course gave him sex as a reward.  I think we all enjoyed our weekend which was such a treat.  (Although I’m still disappointed I did not get some nice photos to give Grandma for Christmas or have the time to go car shopping.)

Good-Bye Oliver

Oliver was a good looking chap!

Yesterday my husband shot and killed a deer and our rooster.  It is deer season here and we always stuff at least one if not two deer into the chest freezer.  We eat the meat, we don’t waste it.  The rooster, well, he was just a pain in the butt.  He would start crowing WAY before dawn then the rest of the day he harassed and humped our hens.  Basically he ate our food, bothered the other chickens and woke us up too early so he was not doing anything GOOD to earn his keep.  Husband butchered him up and stuck him in my fridge.

Last night the garbage disposal conked out too, so poor husband had to deal with that as well.  He didn’t collapse into bed until midnight.  He is earning his keep big time unlike that rooster named Oliver.

Today I cooked up the rooster; mainly to get it out of the fridge.  I stuffed the meat in packages for Husband to take them to work.  I really didn’t want to eat it.  Not for any emotional reason, just because I like big fat juicy breast meat and you don’t get that with a home grown rooster.  Husband will be happy to eat it so he can have it.

He did however offer some to Beanie.  His exact words were “Hey Bean, want to taste Oliver”.  I was like OMG really?  But she was fine with it.  She tried a bite……she said she didn’t like it.

The puppy was pretty good while Grandma and Grandpa were here which was a relief but then later her diarrhea got worse again and she had to spend the night in her kennel.  She was pretty good when I put her in the first time around 10.  Then I let her out around 2 so she could go potty and then when I put her BACK in she was so upset she yelped and cried for 45 minutes.  When I awoke in the morning I found her covered in poop.  She couldn’t hold it, which I thought would happen, so I had to do a lot more poop cleaning.  I am really tired of poop cleaning.

Tomorrow I will ring the vet and see what else we can do for this poor puppy!

Still No Name

This morning Husband watched the puppy for 2 hours so I could go run and he also made shims for my dog gate so it would fill the wider than normal doorway we need to secure.   He also talked to me about dog names some more.  We still can't figure out what we want to name our new little girl.  All of these things I would not have even dreamed he would do a few months ago.  It is great.  It's the way people should work together.

But I do have to say, I had forgotten how much work a new puppy is.  She has sharp teeth and tries to chew EVERYTHING and she can sneak a pee in the house if you turn your back for one second.  Worst of all, she is whining like crazy if I try to crate her.  That makes me nuts.  If I can't watch her because I need to do housework or whatever, I want to put her safely in the crate.  But then she whines so loud that I worry the neighbors will come over to complain.  I have never had a dog so noisy before.  This concerns me.  I can't stand yappy dogs.  :(  I sure hope she grows out of it!

Two Puppies

The week flew by and it was really a pretty good week.  Husband has been super sweet and helpful.

Monday night he even volunteered to pick up our daughter from school and that is usually my night to pick her up.  So while he took her to the gym with him (don’t worry she loves to go there) I tried to track down some brown leggings to go with her Halloween costume.   Then I picked her up from the gym and took her to swim lessons.  She is really doing great at swim lessons now which thrills me to no end.

Tuesday night is my normal night to bike with Uwe, but he was grumpy and we didn’t go.  We did watch TV coverage of all the terrible things Hurricane Sandy did to the East coast.  Wow I can’t get over the destruction and devastation.  My heart goes out to all involved.

Wednesday was Halloween so no ballet class.  Husband joined us at Beanies school for her Halloween party and we all had a good time. He then went back to work and I took my tuckered out 5 year old home to rest.  She did not go trick or treating because she didn’t want to!

As soon as I took the picture she wanted the make up off!

Thursday morning I ran with Stina as usual.  She is now pregnant (weeks not months yet) so I am kind of palling around with her as much as possible because I know in a few months she won’t be able to run with me anymore.  I am also going to sell her my jog stroller so next summer, we can drag the baby along on our runs.  Man I am going to miss her while she is out of commission thanks to her pending little rug rat.  She is always so much fun to chat with and I just enjoy her company so much.  She makes a 10 mile run fun!

After work on Thursday Uwe and I finally did get on the bike.  Yea!  We had a nice ride and then after I logged my phone into the Wi-Fi at his house and tried to upload some videos to YouTube.   I think I have it figured out but ran out of time and had to get home.  Right now I have ballet videos in my Smartphone that I can’t get out and I want to post them on the family blog so badly so Grandma can see them.

Tomorrow, we are driving to pick up the, yet to be named, pup.  Husband and Bean are both going.  It is going to be an all day family outing.  I am really excited.  Husband says he can’t understand why I would sign up for all the work of having a puppy.  I guess it’s a girl thing but I am so looking forward to having that little pup in my life.  I know it will be work, but I really want a dog because you know they are mans (and woman’s) best friend!

Puppies

My husband is not a pet person.  BUT, I have been really wanting a new dog.  I miss miss miss my old dog.  So I found a breeder within driving distance and started eyeing her pups.  I was scared to broach the subject with husband thinking it would turn into a big fight.

Well, last night I brought it up and he pretty much said, he knew it was coming and although he would prefer to not have a dog, I could get a puppy.  Wow I am thrilled.

Then, today he took it to a new level........a first for him I am pretty sure.  He discussed this future puppy with me.  He told me which of the three he thinks is cutest and he even said he wants....wait for it.......wait......he wants to help with the training so the dog will respect and work with him too!!

We are going to have a family pet and all take care of it!!  WOOT WOOT

Beanie is going to love having a puppy.  I am going to hate the work, but love the dog. 

So, I can't pick between the three.  Top dog has cutest face but she is a blue merle and so was my Anselle; I worry she would look too much like the old dog so I would expect / want her to "be" like the old dog.  May be too much pressure.

Make a Plan and Stick to It

Tuesday was a really good day.  I did my morning run, got lots of work done at the office, at lunch time I found the perfect carpet for the new “lounge” area in my kitchen.  Well the carpet is a wee bit too big, but it was only $40 so it was perfect.

After work I joined my friends at a cyclocross event here in town.  I really just wanted to go home and work on my projects or just relax in my new lounge.  I was looking forward to seeing husband too!  That’s rare.  BUT, Tuesday I am scheduled for cycling so I went.  It was fun except I called a girl named Annie by the wrong name which was embarrassing.  I had her confused with another girl, and in my defense, they do look a lot alike.

When I finally arrived home husband helped me install the new carpet and was just as sweet as can be.  Lately he has been great.  I mean really nothing to complain about.  Heck he even went and got Beanie some cooler clothes Tuesday when he realized he had let her wear a winter outfit and the high was set to be 80 degrees.

Tuesday night I slept great; that hard, peaceful, all is right with the world sleep.  Wednesday morning I woke up and as I laid in bed in the dark, I thought how I was really happy.  How lately things have been darn good.  How husband has been so much better.  Really, if I feel like we are on the same team, I feel pretty capable of dealing with the rest of the world no matter what it throws at me.

So husband comes back in the bedroom with his coffee and flips on the morning news.  I asked him what his mom had to say last night (Me and Bean went to bed while he was on phone with her).  He then tells me they are not coming to visit this weekend as planned.  I asked why and he tells me because I am not going to be home.   WHOA (I sat up in bed like I was possessed) ………this is all effed up!!

To make a long story short, his parents have been on and off and on and off lately about coming to visit.  I hate when people make plans and then change them over and over again.  I like to make a plan and stick with it; more efficient, less confusing and quite honestly more responsible.  Also, historically, they want me and husband to go do things when they visit.  They encourage us to see them as babysitters and take some time for ourselves.  So this whole story stunk and I told him so.  I was honest and to the point and I did not start cursing or being an ass despite being pretty darn angry and upset.  (Good for me.)

He then told me that he thinks they just really don’t feel like visiting.  OK, that’s fine, but don’t blame it on me.  Don’t make me feel guilty or feel like I must cancel my plans at the last minute, plans I have had for weeks.

I signed up for a trip to a winery with some friends only after husband encouraged me to do it because we had a sitter and he would be bored if he went along having done the winery thing many times before.  I have never been so I was kind of looking forward to it, but it was no big deal really and I would gladly have passed on the opportunity if I thought husband or family would be upset with me.

So he left for work knowing I was upset.  I mulled over my options….maybe I should just cancel my outing on Saturday.  But then my friends would be upset that I backed out on them last minute.  I don't want to be that person!

I told husband I would call his mom and tell her I won’t go but he encouraged me not to because he thought it would put them on the spot to come and they didn’t want to.  His family plays these games.  Mine would just bluntly and honestly tell me they weren’t up for coming.  Simple.

After a few hours of mulling it around I decided that I would just proceed as planned and let him deal with his family and the consequences of their lack of commitment to a plan.  I really should not have to suffer because they can’t make up their mind or be honest about their intentions.  As long as husband is willing to keep Beanie then I am free to go and I am not going to feel guilty for it.  Besides, you know on Sunday I will watch her all day while he ventures off to do his own thing.

I was mad at his parents but now I am over being mad.  I am glad husband is trying to keep me happy and let me do my social things.  I will just let some time go by and call his mom and act like it never happened. 

Husband must have felt bad because he came home with a gift for me last night, a belated anniversary gift, a new fire pit for our new front patio.  How sweet is that!!

Teenagers Suck

Last Friday afternoon I had sat here at my desk thinking how nice it will be to finally have a nice quiet weekend at home.  No big road trips, no stressful parties, no big training plans or races.  Ok a very little race with Husband but really no big commitments.

Then around 4 pm things got derailed.  Ex-husband phoned to let me know that Ramone was in jail and to make it even worse, she was also 3 hours away from home!  She and a girlfriend had been road tripping to a music festival and got stopped for speeding; evidently, my daughter had some “magic” mushrooms in her possession.

Ex-husband told me he was going to go get her on Saturday morning so I offered to go along and to drive.  My car is more reliable than his and my head is certainly more level than his.  He is really neurotic at times.  He did not know a lot of details about what was going on but he did have the number of the sheriff’s office where she was being held so as soon as I got home from work, and had poured a glass of wine, I phoned to get the scoop.

The officer told me they were holding her for 24 hours and that at 3:10 pm on Saturday she would probably be released.  I told him we lived 3 hours away and he advised us to call at noon to see if she was for sure getting out before we drove all that way down there.  Other than that, he didn’t tell me much of anything but as best I could tell there was nothing I could do but wait until noon on Saturday and call back.

Husband and I spent the rest of the evening rearranging the kitchen and making a lounge/reading area at one end where the table used to take up a whole lot of space and rarely get used.  We moved the dining table to the middle of the room where we used to have an old table that was just a place to accumulate junk.

I found the chairs on Craigslist for $25 each. And the end table and coffee table had been in the basement.  I still need to buy an area rug and install a can light above the new kitchen table location.  But so far this makeover has been cheap and easy and I just LOVE it.  I wish I had done it years ago; it is so much more functional for us.

Saturday morning I needed to keep occupied so I worked on organizing my daughter’s clothes.  Her room was a disaster because the winter clothes had been dumped out and rooted through but had no place in the dresser to be stored. 

At 11 we went and did my husband’s little duathlon.  I had to run 2 miles and then he paddled 3.  We took second place.  I was pleased with my 16 minute time.  I did not warm up because I was distracted by neurotic ex-husband calling me to fuss out loud.  I finally got a bit testy with him and reminded him to settle down because we really had no information yet.

At noon I left the race and headed home to call the jail.  This time a female officer answered and she was not as nice as the man was last night.  She said she didn’t know anything and would not know anything until 3:10.  So ex-husband and I decided to just start driving that way.

As soon as I picked him up, he flopped the chair back and closed his eyes.  He told me he needed to relax.  I agreed and put in Eckhart Tolle’s New Earth book on tape; thought it may be just what he needed.  I know I didn’t want him yapping at me.

At 3:10 the girl called to say she was free.  We told her we were on our way but still an hour away so she would have to hang tight.  Her father relaxed a bit after that and he wasn’t so bad after all.  We talked about lots of topics and had a pleasant drive.  I was relieved.

We got there and found her waiting in front of the court house.  She was so happy to see us that she cried and hugged us both.  On the drive back she told us all about her experience and we offered up much parental advice.  Seems teens are more receptive to their parent’s ideas after they just spent the night in jail!  I sure hope she learns from this and it does not mess up her future.  They still have not formally charged her with anything.  She told us they had to get the lab results first.  I hope she falls through the cracks and we never hear from them again.  (Wishful thinking I know.)

It was around 8:30 when I finally arrived at home and Beanie was asleep which made me sad because I had really missed her.  Also, my back was killing me from spending the day in the car.  I HATE driving, especially at night.  I chatted with husband for a bit, he has been super sweet, and then I was soon asleep.

Sunday morning, I did my long run with Stina and told her the whole story.  She is such a good listener.  I felt much better after that.  Back home at 8 am Friss called and I had a really nice talk with him too.

The balance of the day was good; I hung out with Beanie and got lots of things done.   Still, Monday came way too fast and I never did get a chance to sit and read in my new lounge.

Beanie's Birthday (part III)

GREAT NEWS....I survived the kids birthday party.

By nature, I am a closet organizer NOT a party organizer. I was stressed all week. 

I forgot important things...like to put the SD card in the camera.  I felt like I was being pulled in 5 directions at once.  BUT, the party was a hit, everyone had fun and I survived!!

Husband was there and did his best to be helpful.

Beanie (right) and her best friend.

There was a lot of running!

The cake was boring...but we ate it all.

The goofy glasses were a huge hit.

She had a great party and was very pleased.