Long Distance Let Down

My husband was out of town on business yesterday. He actually left on Sunday around noon and I have been rather enjoying the time to myself; me and my Bean doing whatever the heck we want with no one paying attention, commenting or judging. I am amazed at how tidy the house stays without him here. It is so nice.

Not saying I want to get rid of him though…….because I certainly don’t. I don’t want to be a single parent and I don’t want to pay all the bills myself. Having two incomes (or more) for one house is certainly the way to do it.

Last night, my husband called around 10 pm right after I had dozed off. We chatted a bit and I could tell he was lingering on the phone, which he rarely does and made it sure me feel good. I decided if he was in the mood to talk I would ask the question that I have been dying to ask. “So honey, did anything happen while I was in Italy? Cause you sure have been sweet since I returned.”

At first he got put off and asked me if I thought he had an affair and I said “no, I mean like mentally…..an epiphany or something.” (I really didn’t think he had an affair. I am pretty sure he is too lazy and selfish to deal with another woman who would expect something from him.)

He said no epiphany, but the vacation did him good. He said he was so full of negativity and pressure that having 10 days without me was a much needed break.

Well, this did not warm the shackles of my heart. Basically what I heard was “it was sure nice to get rid of you for 10 days!”

I know he loves to be alone and gets tired of people if he has too much interaction with them but still, no one wants to hear that their spouse enjoyed the 10 day break from them.

I didn’t let on that I was totally disappointed in his answer and I knew he wasn’t trying to be mean. I knew that I was fishing for a comment that was more like “I really missed you and I had a chance to realize that life without you is not so great” or something like that. I was acutely aware that I had expectations so his answer was a blow.

We chatted a bit more about his "non epiphany" and I hoped to glean some sort of compliment or love from it but I was still disappointed. I did mention that I do appreciate that he has been more attentive and considerate since I returned. And I suppose that leaving him alone probably did make him feel more like “giving” me what I was asking for. (Or maybe it was just because my sex drive was up when I returned due to the whole Mr. S deal.)

Then he asked me the same question. I explained that I had been trying hard to ignore the little things and to be more independent. This answer was fine for him as best I can tell.

Then, in a rather victorious voice he says “aren’t you happy things are so GOOD?”
…..I kind of froze and said “well they certainly are better”. He insisted things are GOOD and pushed for my agreement. So now, after the disappointment of his answer to my question he wants me to tout how GOOD our marriage is.

Since I am honest and don’t want him to think I am completely satisfied, I told him that I just don’t think I would call it “good”. I would call it “not bad”. I would call it “better than ever”. I would call it “fine or OK”. But good is not where I am at. Of course, I did my best to be gentle, loving and positive as I conveyed this message to him.

Needless to say, he was not happy. Now he was disappointed and felt I had just done him dirty. I explained that my detachment was making me feel better, but I don’t think it makes our marriage great. I explained that I still see room for improvement.

He then lectured me on how I am such a negative person and my glass is always half empty.

I explained to him, once again, I am not a negative person. I do think about my problems in an effort to resolve them and get rid of them. If you ignore the issues, it gets you no where closer to solving the issues and making things really better. Sure, we can all walk around and feel happy no matter what happens but don’t we really need to solve problems and work to make our life ACTUALLY better not just APPEAR better?

I was in a very good mood when he called and by the time we hung up I was feeling sad and hopeless. I think he was sad too. It was so disappointing. We just never seem to really connect. We just disappoint each other.

So I came away from the conversation with these thoughts:
● He is happy as long as I leave him alone and I don’t burden him with my unhappiness. (Whether I am really happy or not is not his concern but I am sure he would not admit that.)
● I still feel that I want a “partner” in my marriage and I know that he just doesn’t get that and probably never will.
● It is sad that we can’t miss each other and have a caring phone call while out of town; one that leaves us both feeling good about our love for each other.
● Really if I am ever to be happy in this marriage, I need to be happy being alone. I need to do my own thing to make myself happy……… independent of him.
● I am still not interested in divorcing him and looking for another “partner” in life. I am 45 years old and know that the chances of me meeting anyone worth a damn are slim to none and I refuse to raise my daughter by myself while he waltzes off into the sunset. I am sure if I wanted a divorce he would be more than happy to go and be free. But frankly I am not about to let him off so easy.

Ignorance Is Bliss

Lately my marriage has been better and the only change that I have made is this: I don’t pay attention or think as much. I just ignore him more. I ignore what he does. And if I notice something he did or didn’t do, I assume he is just an idiot and can’t help himself. Really, not caring and assuming that he is too dumb to do things intentionally has solved most of my problems.

For example, if I walk into the garage and it stinks because he has not taken the trash out……instead of doing it myself and feeling put upon, I just ignore it. Instead of assuming he is waiting for me to do it, I assume he is oblivious and will figure it out eventually. Basically if I don’t pay any attention, the trash piles in the garage don’t irritate me and in turn my husband does not irritate me. If I feel like paying attention I do and if I don’t…. I don’t.

Now, do I like to live in a house with trash heaped up in the garage? NO. But am I willing to take care of the issue and feel resentful about it? Not anymore. I keep saying ignorance is bliss and my goal as of lately is to just not notice or pay attention and therefore create my own ignorance.

I really do think that most women assume that most men are more thoughtful than they are. In reality, their heads are a blur with thoughts of sex, sports, their favorite hobby and maybe their jobs but it is really unlikely they are thinking hard enough to be sticking you with the trash duty on purpose.

This ignoring plan goes even farther than housekeeping issues and undone manly projects. My husband tends to always go off and do something after work for a few hours. Sometimes he goes to the gym; sometimes he run errands, sometimes he goes out in his boat to paddle. In the past, I thought it was considerate and right for him to tell me where he was going and when he would be home. However, getting him to do that was always a chore and frequently didn’t work well as he would give vague answer or just give me questions in response. The man is not a straight talker and is not fond of blunt openness and honesty. He likes to play his games and he likes to do his own thing and answer to NO ONE. So, I have completely quit having any expectations about where he is or what he is doing from the time he leave the house in the morning (which can be anywhere from 6 am to 8:45) until about 7 or 8 at night. I just give up and admit that I don’t exist in his world unless he wants me to from morning until an hour or two before bed. At which time he tends to come home and act friendly and happy most of the time (lately).

Do I think this is fair or right? NO I do not. Do I think it reduces my stress and aggravation about things? It definitely does. So I just make my own plans to do my own things after work and then I try to arrive home by 8 at the latest. Usually, I am home by 7 if I hit the gym on the way home.

Oh, by the way, he never asks where I have been either.

In short, if you lower your expectations and don’t pay much attention to what he does, your husband will seem like a much better guy!

10 Won't Happen Again

<<--Me and Rocco in Hawaii

One day I would like to get to the point that I feel having Rocco, the ex boyfriend, on this blog seems silly and irrelevant. I am happy to report that lately, it feels less and less important. I know that having a more sound relationship with my husband goes a long way towards making me forget the past. Time has helped too. Every year that goes by, it seems less real and thus is easier to discount.

Sad that the most amazing relationship of my life is one I desperately want to forget. :-(

I know what you are thinking……..you are thinking "Why is she so hung up on this guy? Why after 10 years does she still pine for him?"

Well, I will tell you:
He was my best friend (even before we started dating).
We were extremely close emotionally for the first few years, closer than I have ever been to anyone before or since.
He was the best lover I have ever had.
He took care of me and NO ONE else ever has.
He is responsible, capable and a real asset to have around. He fixed things if they got broke; he did it in a timely, efficient and economical manner.
He is smart and makes good money, has a great career but knows enough to balance work and play.
We were compatible around the house, both of us tidy, adapting similar schedules, ate together most every night, shared chores equally. I never felt he pushed stuff off on me.
He loved to do the same things I do; travel, visit friends, bike, snowboard, etc. He taught me how to ski.
He put me up on a pedestal and I did the same to him. We often spoke about how we were so incredibly lucky to have found each other.

I told the therapist that I think it is easy to get over a past relationship once you get into a new relationship that you actually like better than the lost one. Basically if you think you are better off than you were, then you are not looking back longingly any more.

So my husband is not a bad catch. He is smart, attractive and NOT needy. All things I require. In fact, if I had never dated Rocco, I would not be near as critical of my current relationship. My husband is the second best relationship I have ever had. However, on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best; Rocco was a 10 and my husband is a 5 and everyone else was below that! Come on, there are a lot of losers in the world and I seem to attract them. Guys without jobs, guys without common sense, drug addicts, drunks, I have seen it all. When you are about 40 years old and single the pickings are slim. I have been told I am very picky but, in my defense, I don’t expect anything in my significant other that I would not expect of myself. I hold myself to the same standards.

As much I wish I could have another 10, a phenomenal relationship that will outshine what Rocco and I had, I think the chances of that ever happening are probably infinitesimal. Most people never even find a 10 at all, so I am lucky to have had mine I suppose. I wish I could FEEL that way. Somehow it feels more like it spoiled me for everything else.

I have vowed to try and quit comparing them. To look at my husband as a great catch instead of the guy that just can’t compare to the 10.

Final thoughts on Mr. S

Now that some time has passed and I have stewed for a while, let me share what my latest thoughts on the whole Mr. S thing are.

I have always said that most any man would ditch his wife (or sig. other) in a heartbeat if he thinks he can catch a younger, hotter women. Basically, the desire to upgrade is an almost instinctual need that men have and it is hard to resist. That is why affairs are so very common. (I didn’t peg him for the type initially.)

I may not be younger than Mr. S’s wife, but I think he felt I was hotter and more desirable in many ways.

After one week of knowing me, this man came back home and just trashed his marriage. A marriage of 15 years with 2 children in elementary school and he pisses all over them (figuratively, not literally) because he has the hots for me.

It’s sick actually. Pathetic.

He told me more than once (and friends have supported his statements) that there was nothing wrong with his marriage prior to meeting me. But, as soon as we got back from Italy he and his wife were having “serious” talks and major issues. He was always vague when telling me what was going on but I think he just decided to be shitty to her in a half hearted attempt to be kicked out or something so he could be with me. He did tell me he was not having sex with her and was emotionally distant to her. I asked him why and again he was not real clear.

Seriously I am not trying to brag that I am a great catch. In fact it took me this long to kind of believe that he was thinking of me as an “upgrade”. But I think that is what happened.

AND, even after she found out, he wasn’t telling me to leave him alone or acting worried about how his wife felt, he was actually telling me that he would not be forced to choose and that she could not make him cut off all ties with me!!

Can you believe that he was so blinded by his penis that he showed so little respect for his wife of 15 years!?!?!

I Love my Pop!

Last night I had a vivid dream that I was holding my father and didn’t want to let him go. It felt real, we felt close and the dream seemed to last a long time. I was sure I could not let go or I would lose him forever. I awoke feeling closer to him than I ever have. I missed him and wanted to phone him but it was 5 am.

I am pretty sure any day now I will get a phone call that he has passed away. He has been in poor health for years now so it would be no surprise.

I don’t normally dream about him. In fact, I generally don’t think about him at all. We have never been close. My father divorced my mother for another woman when I was in the 4th grade. After that he had very little contact with us instead choosing to focus on his new wife. My mother was devastated and I felt abandoned.

When I was a young adult I struggled with our relationship and about 10 years ago I just quit contacting him at all. He never actually cared that much to be a part of my life and I was tired of trying to a part of his. It made me sad but he was happy with his life so I figured why bother him. He doesn't call me either.

We have seen each other once since then at Christmas. Here are my links to my posts on that
http://lifeistooshortandtoolong.blogspot.com/2009/12/reunion-is-scheduled.html

http://lifeistooshortandtoolong.blogspot.com/2009/12/everything-as-planned.html

I will always wish I had a father who made me feel loved and enjoyed sharing his life with me. However, I have the dad I have and I accept that.

AND, I will always love him. After all, he is my Pop.

I thought I might call him to see how he was, but now that some time has passed I don’t feel comfortable making that call. I will just keep waiting for someone to call me.

Who's The Boss?

This morning I completely lost my patience while trying to get my 3.5 year old ready for school. She was being crabby and manipulative about what she was going to wear to school. So much so that every choice; socks, shoes, skirt, shirt, etc. was a battle. She wants one thing and I want another and we are both angry that we can’t easily get it our way.

BUT, I am the grown up so ultimately the whole situation is my fault. Even though I feel she starts it and makes the whole morning a miserable experience. The truth is she can’t push my buttons if I don’t let her.

I think as parents we all fall victim to this when they are about 2 years old. It all goes back to the days when they were newborn and crying meant something was wrong and they needed help. At that point we were trained to react, to stop the crying, and to make it all better for our precious little bundle. Later as they age you tend to still feel compelled, at all costs, to stop the crying. Also, without being conscious of it, the little one takes advantage of you by turning on the tears to get their way.

So, I vow, from now on to set boundaries, make rules and enforce them in a swift unemotional manner. I am, after all, in charge. It is my house and my rules and I won’t let a preschooler manipulate me or ruin my morning any more. Once she gets used to this new system I am sure the temper tantrums will become far less frequent and intense!

An idea I plan to try in an effort to make this new mindset easier is to imagine she is 5 or even 8 years old and how I would react should she pull the same stunts. It looks so much more unattractive on a bigger kid and unless you put your foot down now, you will still be having these same battles when they are 5 or even 8 years old. Now THAT is scary!

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Original version with too much detail (don’t read unless you are hella board)

So this morning at 7 am I went to wake my 3.5 year old little girl and found she was awake and had taken her over night diaper off, gone to the potty and was selecting a pair of underpants from her drawer. So far so good! She seemed to be in a good mood and was cooperative when I suggested that she let me wipe her bottom for good measure.

(In retrospect I am already braced for her to get moody and make the morning miserable.)

Then, I asked (again wrong, shouldn’t ask should tell) if we could try on a few items I had purchased yesterday on clearance. She was agreeable and tried everything on. Making a stinky face if she did not like the item and smiling and acknowledging the items she did like. So far, mommy is cool with all this. I figure the items she does not like are a bit large and can be worn next fall or winter so not a major deal if she is currently less than enthusiastic.

Today however, she so badly wants to wear the new yellow skirt to school. Even though I know it will end up soiled, never to look nice again, I tell her she can wear it. She’s been nice and I am returning the nice. So, I looked in her drawer for a top to go with it. As I started pulling shirts from the drawer, she globs on to one she wants to wear. BUT, it was not at all good with yellow. The one or two shirts that would actually GO with yellow she turns her nose up at.

Then, trying to keep everyone positive and the whole process moving along, I suggested she wear the new purple skirt to school, with the shirt she wants so badly and that we could make a special trip to the mall after school to pick a top to go with the yellow skirt. She frowned and made groaning sound, pouting that she did not like my idea. Again, I told her (just in case she didn’t understand) that we could go shopping for a shirt and even a headband to go with the new yellow skirt after work TODAY. Still I got nothing but a negative attitude that equated in my mind to “I want it my way and I want it now and no matter how nice you try to be to me I am going to be a spoiled rotten little bitch and make your morning unpleasant!”

Trying to keep things positive, I told her that she could wear her new socks which perked her up. I went and found then and then she put them on and of course they were not just so and she complained some more. I was glad we were past the yellow skirt, but the minutes were ticking away and I was really sick and tired of spending all this time and energy to dress a 3 year old for preschool where she would sit in the sand box. (Not like we are headed to a wedding with camera in hand.) However, I would like her to at least match so I am not embarrassed by what she is wearing……..hey, I have to look at her too.

Finally, the socks were on and I suggested her tennis shoes, but she insisted on her silver sparkle Mary Jane’s. Now these shoes are almost too small, most of the sparkle is knocked off them and they do not go with her outfit at all. BUT, I think to myself “not worth a fight, let’s just go.” She puts on the sparkle shoes and we move on to doing her hair.

But wait, she wants to wear leggings and now starts crying that she has to have them. I tell her it is going to be hot today (high in the upper 80s) and that she would be way too hot. She complains anyway but I escort her to the kitchen to do her hair on the table where I can reach her.

Still crabbing at me over her leggings she begins the wiggling so it is REALY hard to comb her hair. I asked her to sit still and she starts putting her head down low so it is hard for me to reach. That is when I snapped. I just lost it. It was now 7:30 and I was destined to be late for work. I had been trying very hard to keep her happy and remain positive and upbeat but now, NOW I was out of patience. I found myself brushing with anger so I picked her up, swatted her butt and yelled at her to go in her room. By now I am just HOT with anger. The idea that this little ungrateful person was actually bitching all the way through her morning was too much for me. I know she doesn’t get it, but really she has tons of adorable clothes and is so lucky she has no idea. ALSO, and maybe more aggravating to me is the fact that I was not raised to let your kid boss you around. I was raised in a house where the parents are in charge and that is just that. Her sassy, selfish and disrespectful attitude would never have been allowed in the house I grew up in so I have a low tolerance for it now.

I want to be a patient and loving parent, but this is not right, this is not how it should be. This is not the lesson I want her to learn. I don’t want her to be spoiled and I don’t want to feel trampled and used!

I washed a pan and tried to calm myself. Then I marched in her room where she was crying and told her in a roaring shout (yes I was too angry) that from now on she would wear whatever I told her to wear and that would be that. “I am NEVER going to negotiate with you again, EVER!!!”

I pulled off the sparkle shoes and put her tennis shoes on her, finished her hair and without a word plunked her in the car. We drove to school without a word and she occasionally sniffled. I was feeling angry all the way to school. I just feel so used. Like EVERYONE in my life uses me and I don’t get shit in return.

At school we hugged and kissed goodbye and she seemed less stunned and I felt less angry. Now, as I type this I keep thinking that it is not so bad and I should not have lost my temper. I just need to put on her what I want her to wear and when she cries and complains ignore her. She will cry but so be it. She cries most every morning one way or another so I guess I should just lookout so I don’t feel so used. At least one of us would be happy. (Actually when she cries and complains I am not happy either.)

NOTE: the above photo is the yellow skirt from this story with a shirt that we picked after work today. We were both happy with this outfit and lucky to find matching socks in her drawer!

Therapy

My husband and I agreed to stop seeing the therapist. He believes it just dwells on the negative and makes things worse. In part he is right. I don’t think it was really having any impact on him other than to depress him and make him feel badly about our marriage so there certainly is no point in him going.

I am more apt to quit going because $50 per visit is just too much money for what you get. I am fairly confident that she has no great insight or life altering wisdom to pass on to me. I have read a million self help books and seen many a psychiatrist and therapist so I think I have heard just about everything there is to hear. Still not much changes in my head……..that is the reality of the situation.

I had decided to go one more time to tell her why we were quitting and pay off our balance due, but on the drive there, I was almost in tears, still feeling so down from yesterday’s series of punches.

I told her about my day and she listened so thoughtfully. I told her how my intimacy needs are not getting met. How I am lonely, how I want to feel connected. She says to ask for dates. I do and once in a while I get them. But I hate begging over and over again for his attention. I wish he wanted to hang out with me and felt it was important to him too; important enough that he would initiate them.

A perfect example is going out to dinner. If I ask him to take me out to dinner he will, and, he will try hard to be fun and show me a good time. But, I know he is not fond of dinner out preferring to save his money for other things. I know he will be going through the motions because he is trying to MAKE me happy. There is a difference between wanting me to be happy and wanting to be happy with me. Does that make sense? I only want to go out with someone who wants to go out with me and would enjoy it. Long and short of it, it is no fun to go out to dinner with someone if it is not fun for them too; so we don’t go out to eat much at all.

Today I felt the therapist was totally defending my husband, I am sure, in part, because he is not there to defend himself. But still, I always feel like the message I get is “he loves you and if you love him then you just need to accept him and be happy.” I suppose she is right, I need to just get used to him or get rid of him.

After I left the therapist’s office, I started thinking of all these things to tell her so she will understands better where I am coming from. I don’t know that she really understands the magnitude of the whole Rachel deal. I feel compelled to tell her more so she won’t think I am just being needy or jealous. Then again why does it make a hill of beans difference in my life what the therapist thinks of me or my situation. It really does not matter at all.

It was a Bad Day

I woke up this morning feeling blue. It was cold outside so I didn’t go do my normal Tuesday morning run…….big mistake. I should know better. I spent the balance of the day feeling guilty.

Then I stewed a lot on why I was feeling down. I figured out I am sad because today Friss turns 29 and I can’t be with him, or even call him (plan to go visit next weekend though). I can’t bake him a cake or give him a special day. Prince William is basically the same age (two month difference). The contrast is overwhelming, how different their lives turned out. I wouldn’t want my boy to be king but I am still so sad that he never got the opportunity to be something by now. It’s such a waste.

On my drive to work I continued to fuss negatively in my head. I feel like I HAVE to be happy. Like if I am a good person and want to do the right thing I need to focus on positive things, remain upbeat, glass half full and all that jazz. But the reality is, I don’t feel happy, I am faking happy most of the time. My life feels like a lot of drudgery, a lot of work and hardly any fulfillment or satisfaction. My job & kids suck up my energy, time and money. Sadly, my husband is not a lot of help either financially or emotionally. I am very much on my own.

And the teenagers; seems every time I turn around I am trying to save them from some disaster. I am weary of this challenge. If they don’t want to brush their teeth, I can’t make them and then they will struggle as they age with bad teeth and expensive dental bills. If they don’t pass the class they won’t graduate or get into the college then they will struggle to earn a living for the rest of their lives. Monster is a senior this year and Ramone will turn 16. Both scary ages.

Speaking of college, I am really stressed about paying for his tuition. I think it is fair to have his dad pay one third and me and the boy pay a third. That is the agreement I have proposed. Their response is “we don’t have any money.” So, why should that be my problem? But it is. So frustrating. I hope the boy can get a student loan / financial aid to pay his portion and the ex husband has agreed to forgo child support payments to reimburse me for the tuition he owes. Still, I have to have the money or it won’t work and I hate feeling trapped by other people’s incompetency. I have to make this all happen. Tired of taking care of everyone else!

Then I get to work and this week I am preparing for an audit. So much to do, mounds of things to do, and I can’t move forward until my boss approves the financials. He of course, is stalling because he doesn’t like the results. So he is trying to figure out a way to cook the books so we don’t show a loss. This makes me crazy. The idea of actually managing the company and producing a profit so there is no need to cook the books at the end of the year is an idea he cannot seem to wrap his head around. I will no doubt end up working all weekend to get everything done because of his procrastination. Meanwhile he will be at his lake house enjoying a fabulous spring day.

Then, at work, Mr. S shows up to drop off my flash drive. I told him when all this blew up to stay away, to not temp disaster, that his wife could be watching, that I don’t want to be involved….. but he came by anyway. I was already in a bad mood and this made it all worse. I was simultaneously mad and sad. Mad that he defied my wishes and showed up but sad that I did not get to see him……or maybe sad that I wanted to see him. He gave the thing to my assistant so I did not actually see him. I am just so tired of the mixed bag of feelings and all the confusion of the whole thing. I just want it to go away.

Then, via email, I am chatting with the Rocco’s wife. She seems to be dropping hints about having a baby or being pregnant; talking about being so tired and not running. She seems like she has been doing this a lot lately. I finally just flat out asked and she told me she is planning on getting pregnant this summer so they will have a baby next spring. Not a good day for me to hear this. It makes me sad. She will get to stay home. I am so very jealous.

I worked late and my husband picked up our daughter which was nice. Once I got home, around 8 or so, he said he didn’t feel well. His stomach was upset. He lies down on our bed and put his head in my lap which was also nice. Then, he told me that Rachel (the girl he cheated on me with) had contacted him via email today. I was happy he came out and told me. I always try to ask every 3 or 4 months if he has heard from her because I really want to know what is going on between them. He reassured me that it was no big deal, that she was just letting him know that she has a new love, moved to St. Louis and is happy and has no hard feelings for him. So I guess they are no longer mad at each other. Wonderful. I feel so much better.

I was happy he told me. At least he told me.

Nothing but good wishes

I talked to Mr. S today. He told me that he and his wife are working things out and that she is being really positive about the whole thing. I am happy for him and totally hope that this experience ends up making their marriage much stronger and happier. I wish him all the best in the world. He deserves it.

“Bloodlust will only get you more blood and martyrs are much more dangerous than heroes.”

That title was a FaceBook post by an old friend of mine today. He is a beautiful soul and I agree with him on this.

So, they finally found and killed Osama bin Laden and people are dancing in the streets. People are overjoyed. People are self righteous and feel it was justified.

Well I am of the opinion that killing someone is wrong. Period. End of story. I think the bible backs me up on this one but I am no expert on the bible that is for sure.

I don’t even understand how the US government can just go murder someone like that. I don’t think they killed Hitler at the end of WWII? The whole idea of killing a person is sad and illegal under any other circumstances and the fact that the whole world feels it is just fine is deeply disturbing.

So now an eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth is right?

I was always taught “Two wrongs don’t make a right”.

I don’t know…. maybe we should have let God or at least the legal systems decide his fate. I am not saying the guy did nothing wrong. I am just saying that no matter what he does it does not give another human being the right to kill him.

“Violence has never stopped violence and forgiveness is much more healing than justice. Remember those people in the Middle East who celebrated on 9-11? Don't be those people. It is sick and unhealthy.” posted by Mike F. on FB today.