Sunday Loss

This morning I was painting the living room at Kevin's house while he was at his parents house shoveling snow when the text came through that John has passed.

I stood alone in the front room and cried. 

Then I got back to painting.  I painted for hours.....crouched on the floor doing the baseboard in Benjamin Moore Dove White....the gold standard of white paint.  I was heavy with sorrow and the work of painting drained every last drop of energy from my body.

Kevin returned around noon and I was running sooo low.   He started to roll the walls and I did some cut-in painting.  My back ached and I was feeling very crumbly.

Around 2 I left to go home and regroup before picking up my Beanie from her father at 3.  Kevin hugged me and I fought back the tears.  It was a flood gate wanting to open....all the pain in the world was weighing me down.

Back home I was both emotionally and physically exhausted.  I cried a lot.....I was a mess.  I finally put on some make up and went to get the girl.  Her dad was cold and prickly.  A feeling I knew all too well.  It only added to my sadness but then again it reminded me of who he really is.

It was a long painful day. 

Late at night in bed with my daughter asleep next to me I would watch the Downton Abbey season finally and cry a much needed bucket of tears.  Kevin never said a word.....he just sat next to me reading his tablet.   He probably didn't know what to say but he was still there if I needed him and I knew that.....and that is what it is all about.  Being there for each other.