2015

I am not usually a New Year's resolution fan.  Up until just a few years ago, I didn't even gorge myself during the holidays and gain weight thus requiring the resolution to get in shape.  But, for one reason or another in the last few years I have been guilty of porking out in the winter and getting embarrassingly over weight.

I maintained my weight very well until my mid 40s and then it just didn't seem as important anymore thanks to sagging skin, wrinkles, ages spots, etc.

BUT this year is a BIG year for me because come August 29th I will turn 50 years old!!  I really can't believe this is going to happen.  The years really DO fly by.  I remember when my mother turned 50 and it doesn't seem that long ago.  Heck it seems like just yesterday I was staring down 40 and dreading that milestone.

In order to gracefully slip into my second 1/2 century of life I have resolved to get in great shape and be proud of myself for my birthday.  I want to celebrate and be happy rather than feel ashamed at my lack of self discipline and my shitty relationships.

So January 1 seems like the perfect time to really kick off this project of being fabulous at 50.  (Ugh...that sounds so dorky.)

So this is the breakdown of my plan:

1) WEIGHT -  Get safely back under 130 pounds (my ideal weight) and stay there.  In order to accomplish this goal my action plan involves a number of things that I know work for me.  First, I will control my calorie intake by counting them every day using My Fitness Pal app.  Second, I will weigh in daily or at least every few days.  Weekly DOES NOT work for me....it allows me too much time to get off track.  In fact not weighing is a big part of how I got in trouble in the first place.  It is the feedback I require to get the job done.  I used to weigh my self religiously and stayed under 130 for years.

2) ALCOHOL - No wine until I am back to my weight goal.  Not only are there lots of empty calories in wine but also, it is just too easy for me to have a few glasses of wine and then feel so "relaxed" that I eat stuff for fun and the calorie situation gets out of hand quick.  Since I love wine so much I must just make it off limits for a while.  I can still drink a beer or a margarita if it fits in my calorie count since I know I will not get carried away drinking them. 

3) EXERCISE - get back in the habit of making exercise a priority.  When I am fit and strong I feel better both physically and emotionally.  I joined the gym.  I have started lifting again.  But for 2015 my goal is to work out EVERY single day at least once.  A "workout" consists of (but is not limited to) running, cycling, yoga, swimming, or lifting.  I will be moving in March and I will count a day of moving furniture as exercise.  You get the idea.  I am not allowed to spend the day in sloth mode unless I am sick.  If I challenge myself and set this goal it will gain momentum as time goes on and I can't let my streak come to an end.  This type of pressure works for me.

4) MENTAL HEALTH - I plan to read, write and absorb anything and everything that is GOOD for me.  I already bookmarked this blog to read daily http://tinybuddha.com/.   I will find and implement more ways to be positive and grow personally into the best possible me. 

5) RELATIONSHIPS - I want to build better relationships with the people I love such as my family and Kevin.  I also will strive to develop a positive relationship with JDK and not waste my time feeling negative towards him.  I vow to focus on appreciating the good in people and putting forth a joyous presence into the world.  I don't want to be an old bitchy person!!

I know I will struggle at times because you don't get to be my age and flip a switch and start doing everything you want to do.  BUT...I have goals and actions plans and time to make this work.  I am feeling positive and motivated and I am going to make this next year one of the best years yet!!

Oh....and today I weighed 140.  Christmas was an eat-a-thon!

If McDonald's Was Smart

If McDonald's was smart they would create and market a smaller version of the BIG MAC.

They could call it a Baby Mac and use only one beef patty and eliminate that pesky center bun.

Of course they would have to keep the special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions and the sesame seeds on the bun.

 

So if I was craving a Big Mac but didn't want to spend 550 calories on it, I could choose the Baby Mac and be satisfied.

 

Would YOU buy a Baby Mac?

It's Not All Doom and Gloom

Last night after work I took Beanie shopping for an Easter dress.  She loves to shop.  She is such a girly girl.  I still don’t know how that happened.  I am NOT girly.  I am the type that puts on a pair of earrings and then doesn’t change them for YEARS!

Anyhow…it was grueling.  We hiked all over the mall and she tried on many a frilly frock.  She loved every minute of it.  She even cried once when she had a crush on a particular dress but they didn’t have it in her size.  It was actually sweet because the melt down was short lived.

We finally left Dillard’s with a dress in her hands.  They bagged it on the hanger and she proudly carried it to the car.  She was just beaming and could not wait to get home and decide what accessories would go with it.

I was pooped when we got home but in a much better mood.  The kid can wear me out but she is also such a breath of fresh air in a world that is frequently just a letdown.  Five year old just have a zest for life you can’t beat.

Once home I opened a bottle of wine and sipped a glass while husband dutifully listened to his girls tell him about their shopping spree.  He was sweet and patient as we both yapped away, which made me feel better too.

I also vented to him a little bit…..about my bad mood.  (I don’t tell him it has anything to do with Rocco and that certainly is not the only thing getting me down.)  Husband listened and it was nice.  I keep telling him that he doesn’t have to fix anything….I just need someone to listen and not judge.  He even slept close to me last night.  I woke up feeling loved!

SO…..what was my deal yesterday? 

It’s a combination of things I am sure.  It’s never just one thing and generally it’s nothing new.  First, the weather is obviously not helping……..so tired of winter.  And my feet hurt ALL THE TIME, which gets very old.  Another contributor is lack of social life.  I haven’t seen much of my friends lately, for one reason or another.   This will improve when we finally get some biking weather however, some of my friends are just headed in different directions which is depressing.

Also I will probably be out of a job in the next year or so.  Our little construction company is headed into some tough times and I doubt we will make it.  I already decided that when things get ugly I am quitting.  I am not going to suffer.   I know I shouldn’t worry about any of it yet….but I also know, the back of my mind is already thinking “what the hell are you going to do when this job is over?”   In all honesty I am old and lazy and don’t want to work hard anymore.  Been there done that!  Now I am spoiled to a cushy well paying job.  I am so not looking forward to getting a REAL job!  And there is the whole issue of can I even find a decent new job in this small town we live in.

No wait…there’s more …….I am still battling my weight loss and lack of discipline.  I have NEVER had problems losing weight in the past.  I just decided to do it, ate less and there you go, back to normal weight.  This spring has been crazy, all I can figure is lately, food and wine is the only fun I have.  (Again, better weather will help.) 

Another thing that brings me down is my family.  Teenagers …you know how they can be.  And my parents, they play no role in my life.  (Tough words post on her mom got me thinking)  I am so jealous of the people who have a family to lean on when they need help.

AND I need to do a whole post on my meditation class…..

Sometime I just want to make up a new persona and a name and go become someone else.   I can’t run away from home can I?

Weight Loss

Over the winter I put on a few unwanted pounds.  Then come January 1, I was going to diet and eat right and get my act together.  Then I didn't do it.

The good news is that I have finally been losing weight the last few weeks by doing the not so fun job of counting calories.    BUT in order to make the counting a little more fun, I have been using Myfitnesspal.com.   It's a very basic little program / app and I use it at my desk mostly but can update it from my phone too.  It just kind of gave me the extra push I needed to REALY count the damn calories.

Just passing this on in the hopes someone might find it helpful.

2013 New Year’s Resolutions

Hard to believe another year has flown by.  I wish I could say it was a great year, but it wasn’t.  BUT, I am thrilled that it wasn’t a terrible year either.  I remember back in 2002 & 2003 I would just put a big X on the calendar and think “that was the worst year of my life!”  The sad thing is…..I know I did that at least 3 years in a row.  Everyone used to say things would get better but they didn’t.  No wonder I got sick of hearing that.

Things ARE better now.  I don’t wish I were dead nearly as often.  I don’t wake up and think “NO! I don’t want to be awake!” as often.  It still happens but not every day…..just once in a while.

Why are things better now?  Well, I guess mostly time has passed….so memories and feelings have faded and seem less real.  Also, I have lowered my expectations of life.  I no longer expect things to ever go back to the way they were.  Also I fixed a few problems.  I mean getting a job that allows me to have a life too was huge.   Finally getting back on my bike with regularity….that is good for me.  Having some stable relationships have helped.  And I know this will sound a bit superficial, but having some extra money has been nice.  I don’t worry so much that I will go broke and lose my house and everything I have ever worked for.

Now comes the part where I ponder what went right and what went wrong in 2012 and what I want to do with my new year labeled 2013.

2012 GOOD

The first thing that jumps to mind is my half iron man.  I am proud of myself for working hard to make that happen, both physically by training and then additionally by procuring the time for myself from my family and employer to do that training.  It wasn’t easy to chisel out so much time to do something that was just for me.

The next thing that comes to mind is that my husband has really quit being a total ass hole to me.  He is still a jerk at times and still hard to relate to but at least he does not go out of his way to be mean.  He actually tries to be nice to me now.  That being said, he still is the most selfish man I have ever had the “pleasure” of having anything to do with on a personal level.

Friends, I have made a huge effort to make more friends and have more of a social life.  For the most part I think I have done pretty well.  I certainly have more friends now than one year ago.

One more item I just remembered (and this makes me sound old) this last year I found a new dentist and a new doctor that I like.  I had been looking for a dentist for years.  I finally got a bad tooth fixed and got my blood pressure medicine adjusted.  Glad that is all taken care of.  I feel less like I am falling apart.

2012 NOT GOOD

So many things come to mind…I really don’t want to focus on the negative but here goes.

OMG I have totally let myself go in the last 3 months.  Self discipline is at an all time low and my weight is at an all time high.  NOT GOOD

Lately I feel more and more hopeless about my marriage.  I don’t think we will ever work out all our differences to become a “real” couple.  I used to believe that two smart adults who genuinely love each other and can live together could figure out how to make a good marriage if they both tried.  I no longer believe that.  Sometimes people are just too different.

Most all of my relationships drain me and make me feel used.  It’s exhausting.  AND, there really isn’t much I can do about it because these relationships are family and employment and things you can’t just walk away from. 

PLANS FOR 2013

My first resolution is to get therapy.  I have the name of a new guy (highly recommended) and I should give it a chance.  I have gone to a therapist before but never felt it did me much good…. besides it is time consuming and expensive.  BUT, I still WANT someone to help so I will go see if this guy can shed any light on my life….my issues.

Second, I am joining a weight loss group and I will start busting ass to get back into shape and quit doing self destructive eating and drinking.  I know I do this because I am depressed, but I also know that it only makes me more depressed.  Typical cycle that I have to break.  Today I will go weigh in……….in public and people will know how much I weigh and I will feel like a big fat pig and be ashamed and go home with new resolve to get my shit together.

Husband wants to quit drinking and I need to as well so we are both going to stop drinking.  We will see how long he lasts.  I know I can quit if I really want to.  I am not sure he can.  I just need to cut out the calories.

I should set some running / triathlon goals.  At this point I don’t have a lot of solid plans but I do have some ideas. 

1)      Run at least 100 miles per month.  I used to do this and only the last few months have gotten lazy and let that go….so back to 100 miles per month. 

2)      I already signed up for a half marathon in May….I would like to PR that. 

3)      I plan to test some longer runs and possibly do a full distance marathon.

4)      I want to do at least one or two triathlons this summer.  It will motivate me to bike and swim which are things I think are very good for me both physically and mentally.  I will never win anything in triathlon because I am an endurance athlete (which means I am not fast) but I do enjoy my tri friends and the atmosphere of it all.

That’s all I have for now.  The next month here at work will be busy so I probably won’t have time to post much.  But don't worry.....I will still keeping reading all your blogs.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Weight Loss Rant

Last week I was in “taper” mode for my race.  I was letting my legs rest so instead of running 6 hard miles on Tuesday and Thursday, I only did 4 easy miles.  I skipped all weight lifting and only biked once and it was a slow easy relaxing ride.

Also last week, I implemented a full blown calorie reduction plan so I can lose my love handles before we go to Cancun in July.  Time is running out and it’s time to knuckle down and eat right so I can don a swim suit on a beach and not feel like a frumpy old mom.

Last week I did great…while tapering…..I stuck to my calorie plan.  I ate my 1500 or less calories per day….except 2000 on the day I biked and ran.  By the weekend I was feeling thinner, svelte.

This week I cannot stick to my calorie plan at all.  I am freakin’ starving to death and can’t reel it in.  I am talking dizzy, head ache hungry, not just wanting to eat but NEEDING to eat.  This week I am back to running hard and biking hard and lifting weights.

I am seriously just going to have to quit working out for a few weeks to whittle my weight back down to where it should be.  I packed on 5 pounds over winter and can’t shake it as long as I am training.

I hate when people say you HAVE to exercise to lose weight.  WRONG, you have to run your body with a calorie deficit to lose weight and it’s a lot easier to do that if you are NOT exercising.

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