This morning I got up and told Kevin I needed some money to mail with his and his daughters tax returns and some money to pay some bills. Mostly of the bills that are the result of getting this house in order. There was $600 for the new craft cabinet and all the kitchen and bath stuff from Target. He, without a single complaint, handed me 4 signed checks for me to fill out as needed and mail/deposit.
I have bill pay all set up on my internet banking and it is slick as snot. I "push" all the payments when I want them to be paid and I do it all from my online banking website (one location). He generally pays his bills online but goes to each vendor and uses their bill paying option. It is a lot more work and if he loses his password he loses his mind. He told me now that we are living together we need a joint system. This morning, I said "how about I pay all the household bills and you write me a monthly check to cover them and you pay your other bills as you like?" He said that would work great and so, simple as that, we have a plan.
Once again, after YEARS of butting heads with JDK, I am overwhelmed with joy at just how easy it is for me and Kevin to put together an efficient plan that works for both of us. This is why he is my rock. He is a kind, loving, giving and agreeable person. He and I make a good team. My life is so much better because of him!
AND...I think he would say the same of me.
So today I set up the gas bill and the combined utilities (trash, water, sewer and electic) to pay from my BOA account. I still need to set up the house payment but it is not due until the first of May.
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Monster has been doing a great job of getting to work and to the gym despite the fact his car is dead. Today I told him WE would go to the gym. Meaning I would work out at the same time he does so I wouldn't just be chauffeuring him around. I have told him this before but never followed through but today, I put on my capri yoga pants and hit the gym with the boy. I got in a great workout and best of all me and the (now 21 years old) boy connected and communicated.
He showed me his favorite machines at the gym. I joked about how I bench the bar only and can't do it with any weights on it. His backpack zipper wasn't working so I offered to bring him an extra of mine. He needs to file for a lost title to his car and we made a plan to get that done. I love that I can be here for him. I feel like a real mom!
AGAIN, I am so grateful to have this time with my kids.....to be here for them instead of at work feeling rushed and overwhelmed. I couldn't do this without Kevin and I know that. How awesome is this!?!!
I am so very happy.
Showing posts with label Life is Good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life is Good. Show all posts
Monday, April 13, 2015
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Cooperation
Just like most Saturdays, I got up and ran with Stina. That girl is due in 6 weeks and still looking GREAT! She is slower and can only manage a distance of about 5 miles at a time now, but she still wants to join me and I am so glad for the company.
Today I got up early and ran to her house (2.5 miles) then ran with her and then I ran home. My total mileage was 9.66 which is way higher than I have completed in months. It didn't kill me and I was thrilled with my pace given my current lack of fitness. This was a GREAT start to my day.
Back home I was all wound up and in a great mood because that is what a good morning run does for me. As I showered and got cleaned up Kevin and I discussed what we each wanted to do with our day off and then we devised a plan and mapped out a tentative schedule that satisfied us both. We would grab breakfast at McDonalds then head to Lowe's before it got crazy busy, stopping at Hobby Lobby on the way home. Then take the truck up and buy a load of mulch. Then spend the rest of the day getting the yard in order.
As we talked and made our plans I was acutely aware of how (in my opinion) THIS is how it should be, this is how a relationship should work. We talk effortlessly with each other; we communicate well; we can make a mutually satisfying plan. We enjoy spending the day together.
The contrast from how my used to be for years and years with JDK was heavy in my thoughts. He would be grumpy when I got back from running. He would try to bring me down and resent my good mood. He would have his own plans for the day and not want to be with me much less discuss them with me. He would have disappeared soon after I got home leaving me to watch our daughter all day long by myself. Or I could go search for a friend if I wanted companionship.
Having lived with JDK for years makes me so very greatful every single day that I now have Kevin instead. The last time I felt this content with life was when Rocco was living with me and still invested in our relationship....I think that was 1998 or early 1999!! It has been a very long time since I had a healthy relationship!
Life is GOOD!
Today I got up early and ran to her house (2.5 miles) then ran with her and then I ran home. My total mileage was 9.66 which is way higher than I have completed in months. It didn't kill me and I was thrilled with my pace given my current lack of fitness. This was a GREAT start to my day.
Back home I was all wound up and in a great mood because that is what a good morning run does for me. As I showered and got cleaned up Kevin and I discussed what we each wanted to do with our day off and then we devised a plan and mapped out a tentative schedule that satisfied us both. We would grab breakfast at McDonalds then head to Lowe's before it got crazy busy, stopping at Hobby Lobby on the way home. Then take the truck up and buy a load of mulch. Then spend the rest of the day getting the yard in order.
As we talked and made our plans I was acutely aware of how (in my opinion) THIS is how it should be, this is how a relationship should work. We talk effortlessly with each other; we communicate well; we can make a mutually satisfying plan. We enjoy spending the day together.
The contrast from how my used to be for years and years with JDK was heavy in my thoughts. He would be grumpy when I got back from running. He would try to bring me down and resent my good mood. He would have his own plans for the day and not want to be with me much less discuss them with me. He would have disappeared soon after I got home leaving me to watch our daughter all day long by myself. Or I could go search for a friend if I wanted companionship.
Having lived with JDK for years makes me so very greatful every single day that I now have Kevin instead. The last time I felt this content with life was when Rocco was living with me and still invested in our relationship....I think that was 1998 or early 1999!! It has been a very long time since I had a healthy relationship!
Life is GOOD!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
WOW - Exaclty what I needed to hear!!!
Did anyone check out Chump Lady today?
Today's post was the shot in the arm I really needed. I have too much life to live and too much love to give to ever let JDK drag me down to the pits of .....well the pits. You know what I mean.
I am an ass for all the hours and heartache I wasted on this man. He is not worth it!! I am TOO GOOD FOR HIM! He is a DISORDERED and SELFISH P.O.S.
My new mantra is going to be "Don't let him steal another moment of my life!"
I am still coming out of the fog that this long term destructive relationship had me living in. I am just started to put my life together and really feel like the real me again.
I felt I needed to update my blog to reflect where I am at in life now. The old colors and pictures are in the past, this is a new chapter. I am ready to bloom and keep becoming a better version of the me I once was before life shit on me. I am finding myself under the layers and layers of bullshit that I accumulated in the past 15 years. The old me is in there; it just needs to wake up and want to get out!
I used to be a strong and vibrant women with a lot of confidence. Rocco knocked me down so far and then the tragedy with Friss just crushed my soul. It has been a long LONG time coming but I think I am finally getting back to the surface where I can really live and not just exist.
Kevin's support has been key. Sometimes you just need some loving support to find yourself.
Last week I went to see George and it was nice. One thing I have learned from him is that I need....no I crave affirmation. When he says to me "I don't care if it is right or wrong, if you feel it, it is real to you and it is valid." And he means it and it brings me to tears!! Just being heard and accepted.....so simple, yet so important.
To him, all my feeling are real and of value. I am not crazy or stupid or mentally effed up. I am not just a burden to be put up with or a tool to be used. I am a real person who has value just because I exist! I am a real person with real struggles who needs to be heard and accepted. It is really that simple!
There are people in the world that will love you and "get" you even when you are just being yourself; the good self, the bad self and the ugly self. It is OK to be yourself and expect others to love you just the way you are. YOU DON"T NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED!!
I say these things because I need to hear them, believe them, live them.
I think all this running is the best thing I could have done for myself this Christmas. Somehow the physical punishment that you push through clears your brain and makes you so much better. I hate running (I am a cyclist), but the physical and mental stress of this challenge has been very good for me.
I am a winner cause I keep on going no matter how much it hurts!
Today's post was the shot in the arm I really needed. I have too much life to live and too much love to give to ever let JDK drag me down to the pits of .....well the pits. You know what I mean.
I am an ass for all the hours and heartache I wasted on this man. He is not worth it!! I am TOO GOOD FOR HIM! He is a DISORDERED and SELFISH P.O.S.
My new mantra is going to be "Don't let him steal another moment of my life!"
I am still coming out of the fog that this long term destructive relationship had me living in. I am just started to put my life together and really feel like the real me again.
I felt I needed to update my blog to reflect where I am at in life now. The old colors and pictures are in the past, this is a new chapter. I am ready to bloom and keep becoming a better version of the me I once was before life shit on me. I am finding myself under the layers and layers of bullshit that I accumulated in the past 15 years. The old me is in there; it just needs to wake up and want to get out!
I used to be a strong and vibrant women with a lot of confidence. Rocco knocked me down so far and then the tragedy with Friss just crushed my soul. It has been a long LONG time coming but I think I am finally getting back to the surface where I can really live and not just exist.
Kevin's support has been key. Sometimes you just need some loving support to find yourself.
Last week I went to see George and it was nice. One thing I have learned from him is that I need....no I crave affirmation. When he says to me "I don't care if it is right or wrong, if you feel it, it is real to you and it is valid." And he means it and it brings me to tears!! Just being heard and accepted.....so simple, yet so important.
To him, all my feeling are real and of value. I am not crazy or stupid or mentally effed up. I am not just a burden to be put up with or a tool to be used. I am a real person who has value just because I exist! I am a real person with real struggles who needs to be heard and accepted. It is really that simple!
There are people in the world that will love you and "get" you even when you are just being yourself; the good self, the bad self and the ugly self. It is OK to be yourself and expect others to love you just the way you are. YOU DON"T NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED!!
I say these things because I need to hear them, believe them, live them.
I think all this running is the best thing I could have done for myself this Christmas. Somehow the physical punishment that you push through clears your brain and makes you so much better. I hate running (I am a cyclist), but the physical and mental stress of this challenge has been very good for me.
I am a winner cause I keep on going no matter how much it hurts!
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Beanie's Big 7th Birthday Outing
Saturday I got up at 5 am to prep for a long run. I met Stina at 6 and we ran 12.5 miles at about a 10 minute pace. Then I dashed home to shower so I could meet Husband and girls at 9:30.
In the Toys-R-Us parking lot by the highway we all loaded into Daddy’s car; two WAY OVER EXCITED first grade girls in the back seat and me and Husband in the front. He was in a good mood and we chatted pleasantly for the two hour drive. The girls played with the IPad, the DVD player and each other and were really good except being too loud at times.
Once we got to our destination he started to search for free parking. I said I would pay the $5 to park close and have a guarded lot. I also gave him some money to cover my entrance to the museum and my food for the day. He didn’t ask, I just handed him some cash and said here you go, you buy everything from now on.
It was around noon when we arrived and the girl immediately started climbing into holes and tunnels and we followed in an effort to not lose them. Sophia, Beanie’s best friend, is fearless and would just take off if she saw something of interest so we were on high alert. Wouldn’t want to lose someone else’s kid you know! Beanie is more “stay safe and close” minded, but then prone to a meltdown if she can’t find you easily. I did remember to bring my knee pads so crawling through concrete or metal tunnels wasn’t so awful bad. We crawled through some CRAZY small places. Good thing we are relatively fit and thin.
As you can imagine, my legs and feet were angry at me for doing this to them AFTER a long run! LOL
All day long the girls were thrilled when they spotted a slide. We found many many slides and attempted to do every one at least once. The best one is the 10 story tall slide which we did twice! The girls were just barely tall enough to ride it but Daddy made a big deal to stand them at the line on the wall and pronounce loudly that they were indeed tall enough. I am sure Beanie was about an inch shy and I am sure he did this “display” so the attendant would overhear and not hassle us. Smart Daddy!
Next they wanted to go outside where the sun was shining and it had warmed to a beautiful fall day. We, again, followed them as best we could in an attempt to properly supervise. Fearless Sophia had us crawling through the wire mesh tunnels between the airplanes which are perched about 5 stories into the air. No, there are not safety nets. Yes, they were welded by some stoner artisan types. OMG it was freaking me out but I did it.
Around 3 Husband was itching to go already which surprised me. Then I realized he probably was due home by 7 to see his GF. I also realized that I am starting to get used to Kevin who would have stayed for twice as long and would have made it his goal to be sure the girls did everything and had the FULL experience. I, personally, if left to my preferences, would probably fall in between. I wouldn’t bust my butt to show them a good time as much as Kevin would but I would stay for more than 3 hours after driving two. Then again I am sure the girls were satisfied, tired and hungry so we left in search of some dinner.
We had a nice sit down dinner at a café on the way home. Husband had fish and chips which is a common thing for him to order when eating out. He then told me all about the best place to get fried fish in town. I am sure he was frequenting this local eatery while we were married and never telling me about it. I think he was a regular at happy hour on Friday too and never would admit it to me. But I digress.
We were back at my car by 6:30 where he shuffled them into my back seat and dashed off to do his own thing. Husband was unencumbered for the balance of the weekend, as usual ….which I am sure was not by accident.
I was happy to bring the girls with me to continue the big birthday weekend. I was also happy that Husband was very pleasant and nice all day. It really wasn’t bad at all. He can be a real charmer if you only see him for measured periods of time. He just can’t keep up the act 24/7.
Poor Kevin had to work all day but was happy that I texted him regularly during the day, got home so early and didn’t tell him how much fun we had but instead told him how much I missed him. He came over for cake and presents and Beanie was super glad to see him which always makes him happy.
Really I had a fun day and it all worked out well. BUT OMG I was exhausted by 8:30 pm and luckily the girls were asleep by 9 and slept until 6:30 Sunday morning.
In the Toys-R-Us parking lot by the highway we all loaded into Daddy’s car; two WAY OVER EXCITED first grade girls in the back seat and me and Husband in the front. He was in a good mood and we chatted pleasantly for the two hour drive. The girls played with the IPad, the DVD player and each other and were really good except being too loud at times.
Once we got to our destination he started to search for free parking. I said I would pay the $5 to park close and have a guarded lot. I also gave him some money to cover my entrance to the museum and my food for the day. He didn’t ask, I just handed him some cash and said here you go, you buy everything from now on.
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| You really can't imagine all the spaces to crawl in this place. Mind blowing! |
It was around noon when we arrived and the girl immediately started climbing into holes and tunnels and we followed in an effort to not lose them. Sophia, Beanie’s best friend, is fearless and would just take off if she saw something of interest so we were on high alert. Wouldn’t want to lose someone else’s kid you know! Beanie is more “stay safe and close” minded, but then prone to a meltdown if she can’t find you easily. I did remember to bring my knee pads so crawling through concrete or metal tunnels wasn’t so awful bad. We crawled through some CRAZY small places. Good thing we are relatively fit and thin.
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| There is a whole underground cave area. |
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| Beanie started to count steps but then got distracted. My legs were SCREAMING! |
All day long the girls were thrilled when they spotted a slide. We found many many slides and attempted to do every one at least once. The best one is the 10 story tall slide which we did twice! The girls were just barely tall enough to ride it but Daddy made a big deal to stand them at the line on the wall and pronounce loudly that they were indeed tall enough. I am sure Beanie was about an inch shy and I am sure he did this “display” so the attendant would overhear and not hassle us. Smart Daddy!
 |
| YES - I CLIMBED IN THAT TUNNEL....UP THERE.....YIKES!! |
Next they wanted to go outside where the sun was shining and it had warmed to a beautiful fall day. We, again, followed them as best we could in an attempt to properly supervise. Fearless Sophia had us crawling through the wire mesh tunnels between the airplanes which are perched about 5 stories into the air. No, there are not safety nets. Yes, they were welded by some stoner artisan types. OMG it was freaking me out but I did it.
Around 3 Husband was itching to go already which surprised me. Then I realized he probably was due home by 7 to see his GF. I also realized that I am starting to get used to Kevin who would have stayed for twice as long and would have made it his goal to be sure the girls did everything and had the FULL experience. I, personally, if left to my preferences, would probably fall in between. I wouldn’t bust my butt to show them a good time as much as Kevin would but I would stay for more than 3 hours after driving two. Then again I am sure the girls were satisfied, tired and hungry so we left in search of some dinner.
We had a nice sit down dinner at a café on the way home. Husband had fish and chips which is a common thing for him to order when eating out. He then told me all about the best place to get fried fish in town. I am sure he was frequenting this local eatery while we were married and never telling me about it. I think he was a regular at happy hour on Friday too and never would admit it to me. But I digress.
We were back at my car by 6:30 where he shuffled them into my back seat and dashed off to do his own thing. Husband was unencumbered for the balance of the weekend, as usual ….which I am sure was not by accident.
I was happy to bring the girls with me to continue the big birthday weekend. I was also happy that Husband was very pleasant and nice all day. It really wasn’t bad at all. He can be a real charmer if you only see him for measured periods of time. He just can’t keep up the act 24/7.
Poor Kevin had to work all day but was happy that I texted him regularly during the day, got home so early and didn’t tell him how much fun we had but instead told him how much I missed him. He came over for cake and presents and Beanie was super glad to see him which always makes him happy.
Really I had a fun day and it all worked out well. BUT OMG I was exhausted by 8:30 pm and luckily the girls were asleep by 9 and slept until 6:30 Sunday morning.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Some pics from the Memphis Birthday Trip
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| The cabin we stayed in. Basic but great on a rainy weekend. |
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| Touring Graceland. I have a new appreciation for Elvis. It was very cool. |
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| Beale Street was so much fun! |
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| He put that hat on my head and declared he was buying it for me. I love that man so much! |
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| House we arrived 5 minutes too late to tour. We were so sad. |
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| Many cool old homes to be seen. |
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| A Selfie! (I need to practice this fine art. |
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| Beale Street getting crowded as we were headed home |
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
NO TIME
Last Monday I went to court and got it done. I did feel relieved that it was all behind me. I had a little mini meltdown before going in the court house (it's a trigger for me) but I got past it. I didn't talk to Husband (that still feels like his name) all week. I felt good last week....really good. I even signed up for another half marathon (Kevin nagged me into it). I was thinking this morning that I have signed up for 3 half marathons and one triathlon since the decision to divorce and I have not competed in a single one........or even started for that matter! This time I will get to the starting line and be somewhat ready to run.
My attorney only charged me $1000 for the whole thing!!! She is AWESOME!
Last Wednesday I worked a 13 hour day; 8 hours at the new job and then I went over to old job at 5:30 to train my assistant on how to do the account reconciliations. I was there for 5 hours. Then on Sunday I worked another 5 hours with her. Oh and the previous weekend I was in there with her for a few hours too. It really hasn't all worked out like I thought it would and I am frustrated. The deal was he keeps me on insurance for 2 months and I do month end close for him. There was no deal about training someone which makes it take WAYYYYY longer. Also, the requirements for closing have tightened due to the companies precarious situation with the bonding company and the bank so close MUST BE more detailed and perfect than I had been doing it mid quarter. And the final kicker is that everyone there is mad at me so I am not wanted there during business hours. My former assistant said "i wouldn't show your face around here when other are here". Really? I am too fucking nice. They should be grateful, but I also understand that they are upset that they will most likely be with out a job soon and it is easy to take that frustration out on me since I am not there. I am still thrilled that I am not dealing with their BS on a daily basis BUT....the fact that they do manage to still stink up my life is a bummer. Hopefully I am done now and that chapter is closed however there is talk of extending the deal one more month since the assistant is really not able to do it on her own yet.
In the last two days I have had two people contact me about hiring me. Both are good opportunities with better pay than the nursery. I need to think fast and hard about my next move. I love that I have such flexibility right now and I feel I am really helping out some nice people. On the other hand my income is about $500 shy per month of meeting my expenses so it is not a sustainable situation. It was a temporary move to save me from the sinking ship at the old job. Thinking.....
I have been thinking of a million things I want to blog about each day but sadly I don't have time. SUCKS!!! (But know I still read your blogs.) I am just really busy. Beanie has homework and swim lessons and then there is still my accounting duties for the multisport club. I want to spend time with Kevin and get some runs and rides in. There really are not enough hours in the day. And holy cow did this summer fly by way too fast or what!?!?
I am still having moments where I feel guilty about getting divorced or try to think of what I should have done differently in my marriage. I realize that I am wasting time with the "should of" game. At times I make myself just crazy thinking about it. If I had been more assertive from the start maybe he would have had more respect for me? If I had threatened to leave him sooner would he have tried harder to change? How can he stand to spend so much time with his new GF when he couldn't stand to spend time with me and told me repeatedly, over the years, that he is a loner and people drain him and he should have been a bachelor farmer because he loves to be by himself. I know....nothing new there.
I do eventually stop myself by thinking about his character or even recent outright lies he has told me...... or how he has to ejaculate every day. I mean new girlfriend doesn't understand that his interest in sex with her is based on his need to ejaculate not his desire for her. If she is not around, porn is just as good. I still wonder if he is really capable of real intimacy. I am betting he is not.
Then, yesterday I had to tell my boss's wife that I am twice divorced. I felt like a total loser. I know she was judging. I should have flat out told her I was in an abusive situation and I am proud and happy to say I got out. Then again she would have judged me for getting into that "abusive" situation too. Then I start looking at my life and I see how bad I look. 4 kids, 3 fathers, 2 husbands, teen pregnancy...I sound like an idiot. Then I just start wishing I had somehow figured my issues out sooner and had a better more acceptable life. Picked better mates and all. Then I think about how proud I am now that I am making progress. Then I realize that I can't change the past and "haters are gunna hate" and I should quit worrying so much about what other think. (Also a legacy from my parents.)
I should sign off now and go to work.
Kevin is still my hero and the kids are all healthy. Really life is good and I am happy.
My attorney only charged me $1000 for the whole thing!!! She is AWESOME!
Last Wednesday I worked a 13 hour day; 8 hours at the new job and then I went over to old job at 5:30 to train my assistant on how to do the account reconciliations. I was there for 5 hours. Then on Sunday I worked another 5 hours with her. Oh and the previous weekend I was in there with her for a few hours too. It really hasn't all worked out like I thought it would and I am frustrated. The deal was he keeps me on insurance for 2 months and I do month end close for him. There was no deal about training someone which makes it take WAYYYYY longer. Also, the requirements for closing have tightened due to the companies precarious situation with the bonding company and the bank so close MUST BE more detailed and perfect than I had been doing it mid quarter. And the final kicker is that everyone there is mad at me so I am not wanted there during business hours. My former assistant said "i wouldn't show your face around here when other are here". Really? I am too fucking nice. They should be grateful, but I also understand that they are upset that they will most likely be with out a job soon and it is easy to take that frustration out on me since I am not there. I am still thrilled that I am not dealing with their BS on a daily basis BUT....the fact that they do manage to still stink up my life is a bummer. Hopefully I am done now and that chapter is closed however there is talk of extending the deal one more month since the assistant is really not able to do it on her own yet.
In the last two days I have had two people contact me about hiring me. Both are good opportunities with better pay than the nursery. I need to think fast and hard about my next move. I love that I have such flexibility right now and I feel I am really helping out some nice people. On the other hand my income is about $500 shy per month of meeting my expenses so it is not a sustainable situation. It was a temporary move to save me from the sinking ship at the old job. Thinking.....
I have been thinking of a million things I want to blog about each day but sadly I don't have time. SUCKS!!! (But know I still read your blogs.) I am just really busy. Beanie has homework and swim lessons and then there is still my accounting duties for the multisport club. I want to spend time with Kevin and get some runs and rides in. There really are not enough hours in the day. And holy cow did this summer fly by way too fast or what!?!?
I am still having moments where I feel guilty about getting divorced or try to think of what I should have done differently in my marriage. I realize that I am wasting time with the "should of" game. At times I make myself just crazy thinking about it. If I had been more assertive from the start maybe he would have had more respect for me? If I had threatened to leave him sooner would he have tried harder to change? How can he stand to spend so much time with his new GF when he couldn't stand to spend time with me and told me repeatedly, over the years, that he is a loner and people drain him and he should have been a bachelor farmer because he loves to be by himself. I know....nothing new there.
I do eventually stop myself by thinking about his character or even recent outright lies he has told me...... or how he has to ejaculate every day. I mean new girlfriend doesn't understand that his interest in sex with her is based on his need to ejaculate not his desire for her. If she is not around, porn is just as good. I still wonder if he is really capable of real intimacy. I am betting he is not.
Then, yesterday I had to tell my boss's wife that I am twice divorced. I felt like a total loser. I know she was judging. I should have flat out told her I was in an abusive situation and I am proud and happy to say I got out. Then again she would have judged me for getting into that "abusive" situation too. Then I start looking at my life and I see how bad I look. 4 kids, 3 fathers, 2 husbands, teen pregnancy...I sound like an idiot. Then I just start wishing I had somehow figured my issues out sooner and had a better more acceptable life. Picked better mates and all. Then I think about how proud I am now that I am making progress. Then I realize that I can't change the past and "haters are gunna hate" and I should quit worrying so much about what other think. (Also a legacy from my parents.)
I should sign off now and go to work.
Kevin is still my hero and the kids are all healthy. Really life is good and I am happy.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
So Proud
I don't know if proud actually sounds right since he is a grown man, not a child, but I feel pride in his accomplishment.
This weekend Kevin and I did a two day charity bike ride to collect money for MS. Saturday we biked a total of 76 miles and today we biked a total of 28 miles. For a two day total of 104!!
(we would have biked 40 on day two but I wanted to get my daughter back so Husband wouldn't be all grouching at me that I never keep her.)
That's a lot of miles... especially for a man who only took up cycling this summer and has only owned a real road bike for about a month. He is a natural on the bike!
We even rode in a pace line for a while (which is super smart if you are trying to conserve energy for a long ride) and he did a great job of figuring out what he should and shouldn't do and not being an annoying novice. I mean most beginning cyclist are no fun to ride close to, one wrong move and you can have a wreck.
He told me he really had fun which makes me SO happy because I just love love love cycling.
This weekend Kevin and I did a two day charity bike ride to collect money for MS. Saturday we biked a total of 76 miles and today we biked a total of 28 miles. For a two day total of 104!!
(we would have biked 40 on day two but I wanted to get my daughter back so Husband wouldn't be all grouching at me that I never keep her.)
That's a lot of miles... especially for a man who only took up cycling this summer and has only owned a real road bike for about a month. He is a natural on the bike!
We even rode in a pace line for a while (which is super smart if you are trying to conserve energy for a long ride) and he did a great job of figuring out what he should and shouldn't do and not being an annoying novice. I mean most beginning cyclist are no fun to ride close to, one wrong move and you can have a wreck.
He told me he really had fun which makes me SO happy because I just love love love cycling.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Birthday Weekend
For my birthday, we did a little road trip for the weekend. We hopped on the motorcycle and went to Memphis. We stayed at the official Graceland campgrounds right by the house and museums. It was a bit rainy to have only a motorcycle as transportation but other than that it all worked out perfect.
Friday we drove down and had great weather.
Saturday the rain let up long enough that we snuck out for breakfast and found a place that had great pancakes which are one of Kevin's favorite foods.
We toured Graceland on Saturday and got there a bit early and beat the crowds.
Saturday night we took a shuttle to Beale Street for dinner and just to hang out. FUN!!!
It was great to have the shuttle and not have to worry about driving back to the camp site. At 10:30 pm we jumped on the bus and I fell asleep on his shoulder the whole drive back.
Sunday morning it was raining but we walked to a nearby café and had an amazing breakfast. The toast was to die for and I think they just grilled it on the cook grill and slathered it in real butter. I have never loved toast so much!
The sun finally came out around noon (SO HOT) so we hopped on the Harley and went site seeing. We went to a museum called the Pink Pallace. It would have been a great place to take my little Beanie so I was really missing her at that point. We also tried to tour an old historic home but arrived 3 MINUTES too late. Mean lady at the door would not let us join the tour after it had started. We were sad.
Sunday night was another trip to Beale Street.
Monday we road the motorcycle back home and for most of the 8 hour drive we watched thunderstorms rolling around in the sky but only got sprinkled on once. LUCKY!!
It was a GREAT birthday weekend and I wish I had time to post more photos and tell more stories. Maybe later.
(the only bad thing is I am now 49!!....that is really freakin' old!!!!)
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Clarity
Yesterday I woke up at 5 am and tried to get a bunch of things done. I became very frustrated when everything I tried to do didn't work out. I talked to Kevin on the phone and he soothed me and was very kind and supportive.
Then, while I was delivering the Bean to school, he stopped by and fixed her clock for me. I didn't ask him to do this, he just did it on his way to work because he knew it was one of the things that I was stressing over.
Next, when my first attempt to get Ramone's new car inspected failed, he fixed me up with a friend and got me in right away. Car was passed but I was advised it needed new tires and wiper blades. I am sure the other auto shop would have failed it and tried to sell me on the fixes.
After the inspection I told him I needed to buy tires so he made some phone calls and hooked me up with a super deal. After work he also took me to Walmart to purchase wiper blades.
I thanked him a lot and declared him my hero once again. He told me he was just being a good person, doing the right thing and it was not a big deal. He said I would do the same for him. (I would.)
It feels so nice to have someone take care of me and help me in life. I really have spent my whole life helping others and this is such a refreshing change.
Later I e-mailed my attorney and asked for the next available court date.
I really do count my blessings every day and feel grateful to have such a wonderful, kind caring man in my life. There has always been a shortage of such men for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning I was talking with Friss and he was asking my WHY I finally found it in myself to leave my husband after years of being neglected, disrespected and taken for granted.
I thought for a moment and told him the first three things I could think of:
1) after Pop died I finally realized that I wasn't just raised with some lingering issues I was raised in an abusive situation that has left me with many mental scars. I am more aware than I used to be of the lifelong issues of self esteem that I need to address. I guess I am understanding myself more than I used to.
2) Talking to Kevin on a regular bases helped me to realize that my thought processes where often off base.....that I was too accepting of mistreatment and too quick to doubt my gut instincts. In a way he has been my therapist and is around all day every day to assist when I might need advise. I am sure a "real" once a week therapist could not be as effective if for no other reason, time constraints.
3) Reading Chumplady every day really has helped me to find my MIGHTY and feel better about being strong instead of being a chump. I know that sounds odd but her delivery method of self esteem/ self help works for me. It is like group therapy that I can participate it at any moment I need it. I find myself going to her blog after I talk to my STBX just so I can regroup and feel "level" again.
In the final analysis I know I haven't always proceeded in the most eloquent fashion in the past year, but I have managed to make some much needed changes for the better in my life.
I finally feel like I am headed in the right direction after almost 14 years of searching for some answers to why my life exploded and I could not find the ground again. I think I am finally starting to figure out some of the answers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this blog entry from the new home computer. It has been a pain in my ass but the keyboard ROCKS!
Then, while I was delivering the Bean to school, he stopped by and fixed her clock for me. I didn't ask him to do this, he just did it on his way to work because he knew it was one of the things that I was stressing over.
Next, when my first attempt to get Ramone's new car inspected failed, he fixed me up with a friend and got me in right away. Car was passed but I was advised it needed new tires and wiper blades. I am sure the other auto shop would have failed it and tried to sell me on the fixes.
After the inspection I told him I needed to buy tires so he made some phone calls and hooked me up with a super deal. After work he also took me to Walmart to purchase wiper blades.
I thanked him a lot and declared him my hero once again. He told me he was just being a good person, doing the right thing and it was not a big deal. He said I would do the same for him. (I would.)
It feels so nice to have someone take care of me and help me in life. I really have spent my whole life helping others and this is such a refreshing change.
Later I e-mailed my attorney and asked for the next available court date.
I really do count my blessings every day and feel grateful to have such a wonderful, kind caring man in my life. There has always been a shortage of such men for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning I was talking with Friss and he was asking my WHY I finally found it in myself to leave my husband after years of being neglected, disrespected and taken for granted.
I thought for a moment and told him the first three things I could think of:
1) after Pop died I finally realized that I wasn't just raised with some lingering issues I was raised in an abusive situation that has left me with many mental scars. I am more aware than I used to be of the lifelong issues of self esteem that I need to address. I guess I am understanding myself more than I used to.
2) Talking to Kevin on a regular bases helped me to realize that my thought processes where often off base.....that I was too accepting of mistreatment and too quick to doubt my gut instincts. In a way he has been my therapist and is around all day every day to assist when I might need advise. I am sure a "real" once a week therapist could not be as effective if for no other reason, time constraints.
3) Reading Chumplady every day really has helped me to find my MIGHTY and feel better about being strong instead of being a chump. I know that sounds odd but her delivery method of self esteem/ self help works for me. It is like group therapy that I can participate it at any moment I need it. I find myself going to her blog after I talk to my STBX just so I can regroup and feel "level" again.
In the final analysis I know I haven't always proceeded in the most eloquent fashion in the past year, but I have managed to make some much needed changes for the better in my life.
I finally feel like I am headed in the right direction after almost 14 years of searching for some answers to why my life exploded and I could not find the ground again. I think I am finally starting to figure out some of the answers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this blog entry from the new home computer. It has been a pain in my ass but the keyboard ROCKS!
Monday, July 21, 2014
GREAT WEEKEND
After my run I enjoyed doing my chores and running some errands unencumbered by a child or anyone else. It was pleasant.
Then I dug out some blue jeans so I could go for a motorcycle ride; which reminds me I really need to buy some Harley Davidson stock. They have got to be making a fortune given how overpriced ALL their merchandise is and how loyal their customer base is.
Kev and I met Danny and Sally at 12:30 and headed to a “Frogs and Hogs” bike rally located in a small town that is a 45 minute scenic ride from home. It was 75 degrees and partly sunny, perfect weather to really enjoy a motorcycle ride. At the rally we looked at motorcycles, old restored cars, some interesting vendors selling everything from bandanas to clothing made out of chains and all the crazy people that come to such events. Oh and of course, Sally and I drank some wine.
We returned home around 5 pm, ate a little snack and fell fast asleep. All of a sudden my phone woke me from the most peaceful rest I have ever had. It was my STBX calling because he was at my house with our daughter. I quickly jumped in my car and dashed over there still half asleep when I arrived.
The Bean brought her Cirque Du Soleil DVD to watch so we went back to Kevin’s house to watch it with him on the BIG TV. He has never seen Cirque Du Soleil before so it was fun to share with him. Years ago I was in Las Vegas and paid over $100 to go see them live at the Wynn. It was worth every penny!
Sunday morning we dined on hotcakes at McDonald’s (which has become a Sunday tradition) and drove down to visit Friss for the morning visiting hours. He was thrilled to see us and we had a very good visit. At one point I was at the vending machine buying a sandwich and I looked over to see Friss and Kevin just chatting each other up so nicely and it felt so good. Kevin relates so well to people (at least to me and my people). He is just a joy to have around.
Sunday afternoon Kevin’s son Aaron, his wife Candice and their son Gage all stopped by for a visit. I set the two kids up with some crayons and a coloring book and they had fun. Gage is three and the minute he saw Beanie he exclaimed “hi Beanie!” He was happy to see her and knew just who she was.
Sunday night we did our grocery shopping for the week and I ran into my oldest friend in the world, Sue-Sue. When I was growing up we were neighbors and we played together EVERY day from the time we were about 3 years old until junior high when her social skills were more evolved than mine (and still are) so I skulked off with a crowd of anti social boys.
At the store I saw her from behind standing near the check out and recognized her instantly, without a doubt, even though I haven't seen her in a few years. I ran over and said hi and we chatted for a while as we wondered towards the parking lot until her husband said “we have ice cream” and then Kevin said “we do to”. We all laughed and headed home ASAP before our ice cream turned to mush. Sue-Sue lives a bit out of town and we just never find time to hang out anymore. I am going to do a better job of keeping in touch with her from now on. We are like sisters you know.
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