1/2 Marathon

Every year I sign up for a few half marathons because it motivates me to keep running and not skip my runs even when the weather is terrible.  It also motivates me to keep my mileage up. 

I am not a great runner and I am certainly not fast.  Here lately I am running about a 10 minute average.  I am still struggling with some breathing issues too.  I sign up for the races knowing I won't win anything except the satisfaction of doing them well (or not so well).

So this spring I already signed up for my favorite early spring half.  It is in a small town located about one hour from here.  It is a charity event for a friend of mine.  It is low key and rather inexpensive.  It is also in the town that Roslyn (ex husbands GF) lives in.   I know she will be there because she helps put on the event.  I already did the mental math and decided it was not big deal.  I can handle "seeing" her there.

Usually a small group of us carpool to the small town an hour away.  We run the race in the morning then dine at a local Mexican restaurant for lunch before heading home.  Last year I skipped the race because I was too overwhelmed with moving, or maybe it was the weather.  I cant recall now.

The last few weeks I have been very purposefully running more to ramp up my training for this March 21st race.  Kevin hasn't signed up cause "its too cold" for him to run outside and he doesn't have a gym membership.  He's pretty out of shape at this point.

So, I paid my fee and mailed it off, put the race on the calendar and have been rather looking forward to it.  It is motivating me just like it is supposed to.  I am sure Kevin will tag along to cheer me on which will be fun.

Then, I happen to mention I was again going to this race to my ex-husband.  He responded by telling me that he too was going to race it.  In fact, his old adventure racing buddy and his wife would be there too because they are doing it for a little spring race challenge, just for fun.   They are all excellent runners.  XH went to college on a running scholarship.  He is without a doubt the most beautiful and gifted runner I have ever personally met.

I have known ex husband since spring of 2006.  In that time he has NEVER, not once, done a 1/2 marathon or any other running race that I can recall.  He does adventure races and boat races but he hasn't done running races since college.

I asked him who was going to watch Beanie while he raced.  He told me he didn't have a plan yet.  (The race is during his scheduled visitation.) I know he was just going to leave her with Roslyn at the race start but he didn't want to tell me.

So now the mental math adds up to NO I don't want to see him and his buddies and his girlfriend all being chummy.  No I don't want to deal with the feeling it will stir up in me.  No I won't be going. 

AND he even told me he wants me to go so he can see me.  He is obviously out of his mind.  Like it would be fun to chum around with him and his friends that don't like me and feel that I fucked him over by cheating on him and leaving our marriage.  Like I want to see his GF watch my child so he can race.  Like I want to be there when he gets an award while is GF watches on beaming with pride.

No I won't be going.

And I am sad and disappointed and quite frankly pissed.  It's not fair that I have to change my normal habit so he can do something out of the ordinary.

I did tell him I would be keeping our daughter and he can have her Sunday instead.  Basically swapping days.  Knowing she isn't hanging out with them will make me feel a little bit better.

Why does it always seem that I end up having to change MY plans so I don't have to deal with an ex friend, husband or whatever who is acting like and ass?

My Running Buddy Stina

Not sure if I told you but Stina is pregnant again.

 

she posted this on her blog a few weeks ago.

This morning Stina and I ran a slow 7 miles together. She is now about 22 weeks along now and can only manage about 7 miles at a time. She is getting slower and slower. I love to run with her and value our time together so I am just hanging in there with her despite the fact that I want, and need, to go further and faster. I did this last time when she was pregnant with Isaac and it hurt my training a lot.

The new baby is a girl and we are calling her Clair-bear.  I am really excited for her. 

But golly I need to train harder and get my diet back under control.   I was feeling strong about my resolve to get back in shape and this last week has been a disaster!

Running Challenge Finished

 

Thursday Stina showed up even though it had snowed.  She is pregnant and does not want to fall!  She ran about 5 miles with me and then thought it prudent to get her butt home and beg her husband not to be too angry that she ran outside.  I finished up my 7 all by myself but the music was good and the sun came up on the snowy trail so it was so beautiful I ran a little extra.

Friday afternoon I barely managed to get my 6 miles in before I had to pick up my daughter from school.  This time the extra mileage was due to a potty break that required me to go a bit off course.  You don't need the details!

Saturday December 20th I got my 5 miles done early so I could concentrate on finishing the newly remodeled bathroom at Kevin's house.  Pictures to come soon.

Sunday the Bean was with her father so I ran with Kevin.  He is a MUCH faster runner than I.  We split the difference and my pace was sub 9.  It was a good run.....I felt great!!

 

I skipped running Monday.  I had my daughter and it was 35 degrees out and raining. YUCK  But Tuesday morning I ran my 3 for Monday, my 2 for Tuesday and my one for Christmas eve.  Yeah....there is no point in running only 1 mile. 

So I did it.  I finished the challenge.  It was really hard at times but mostly it was a fun and positive experience.  So glad I had a chance to do it.  Life is good.

WOW - Exaclty what I needed to hear!!!

Did anyone check out Chump Lady today?

Today's post was the shot in the arm I really needed.  I have too much life to live and too much love to give to ever let JDK drag me down to the pits of .....well the pits.   You know what I mean.

I am an ass for all the hours and heartache I wasted on this man.  He is not worth it!!  I am TOO GOOD FOR HIM! He is a DISORDERED and SELFISH P.O.S.

My new mantra is going to be "Don't let him steal another moment of my life!"

I am still coming out of the fog that this long term destructive relationship had me living in.  I am just started to put my life together and really feel like the real me again.

I felt I needed to update my blog to reflect where I am at in life now.  The old colors and pictures are in the past, this is a new chapter.  I am ready to bloom and keep becoming a better version of the me I once was before life shit on me.  I am finding myself under the layers and layers of bullshit that I accumulated in the past 15 years.  The old me is in there; it just needs to wake up and want to get out!

I used to be a strong and vibrant women with a lot of confidence.  Rocco knocked me down so far and then the tragedy with Friss just crushed my soul.  It has been a long LONG time coming but I think I am finally getting back to the surface where I can really live and not just exist. 

Kevin's support has been key.  Sometimes you just need some loving support to find yourself. 

Last week I went to see George and it was nice.  One thing I have learned from him is that I need....no I crave affirmation.  When he says to me "I don't care if it is right or wrong, if you feel it, it is real to you and it is valid."  And he means it and it brings me to tears!!  Just being heard and accepted.....so simple, yet so important.

To him, all my feeling are real and of value.  I am not crazy or stupid or mentally effed up.  I am not just a burden to be put up with or a tool to be used.  I am a real person who has value just because I exist!  I am a real person with real struggles who needs to be heard and accepted.  It is really that simple!

There are people in the world that will love you and "get" you even when you are just being yourself; the good self, the bad self and the ugly self.  It is OK to be yourself and expect others to love you just the way you are.  YOU DON"T NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED!!

I say these things because I need to hear them, believe them, live them. 

I think all this running is the best thing I could have done for myself this Christmas.  Somehow the physical punishment that you push through clears your brain and makes you so much better.  I hate running (I am a cyclist), but the physical and mental stress of this challenge has been very good for me.

I am a winner cause I keep on going no matter how much it hurts!

12 Days of Christmas - The Runners Version

My local runners, well actually one of them in particular, Shawn (ultra runner, cancer fighter and all around amazing person I feel lucky to know), have headed up a running challenge for the last 4 years.  It goes like this...........12 days before Christmas you run 12 miles.  Then the next day you run 11 and the next day you do 10 and so on until Christmas eve you run one blessed mile and the mission is accomplished.  That's a total of 78 miles over 12 days!!

In years past I never even toyed with the idea of doing this challenge.  I had a full time job and a small child and it was just not something I had time to accomplish.

Then, this year I find myself almost unemployed, so I think......... "WOW, I might actually have the time to do this!?!"

So I signed up and last Saturday I ran an easy 12.  I ran 8 of it with Stina to keep me company and then finished up on my own.

Sunday was a lonely 11 all by myself.  But, much to my surprise I didn't feel bad at all.  I got out early and watched the sun rise and Kevin watched my Bean for me.  It was unseasonably warm so I got to run in shorts BUT unfortunately I grabbed a short sleeved top that I never run in which ultimately resulted in some really severe armpit chafing.  Other than that it was a great run.

 

 

Monday morning I worked at the nursery and it was raining and cool.  Also, the construction guys started the renovations at Kevin's house that he chose to make so he could sell the house faster.  It was a busy day and I didn't hit the trail until 2 in the afternoon.  I chose a trail I don't usually run because I thought the diversion would be good for me.  But I found out that the trail was in poor condition and it was very hard on my feet.  The first few miles I struggled but by the last 2 miles I knew I was going to make it and I was feeling really pumped up.  It was a hard run but I pushed through and got my 10 miles done.  I was over joyed.

Tuesday I joined my normal running group and globbed on to Bob for company.  I was certain that social distraction was the only way I would survive.  Low and behold, I did the run and actually went sub 10 with my pace.  There were hills and traffic and everything.  I was quit pleased with these results!

Today I eeked out my 8 miles all by myself.  By now my legs are toast and it's just a mental game.  I play the game to win.  I finish with my last mile my fastest.  As I climb back into the car the sun disappears and the clouds roll in.  Snow is on it's way.  I can't believe my time is the fastest yet!!

Weekend Recap

My dog running along side the 4 wheeler.  Note she is on the left side....trained to heel properly!

Friday after work:
Drove the Bean to the meeting location and passed her to the grandparents. Then I headed to my friend Brent’s farm for some good old fashioned outdoors fun. We grilled, drank beer, rode the 4 wheeler and let my dog go nuts. FUN

Saturday:
Picked up Uwe and met 8 of our friends at a winery about an hour from home. From there we did one hell of an awesome 62 mile bike ride; beautiful countryside and some big old hills. When the ride was over we all had some wine and relaxed outdoors and enjoyed this amazing July weather.

Elevation chart recorded on our bike ride.  see that dagger at the end....that was a killer hill!

Sunday:
Met about a dozen of my running buddies to run some single track. Had the pleasure of running with my ultra running buddy Shawn who is one heck of great guy. I brought my faithful pooch along and she attached herself to Uwe and they had so much fun. I found them after my run wading in the creek together. After the run we all lingered in the parking lot for over an hour. The weather was just so damn nice we could not leave. Eventually we all went to the bagel restaurant for breakfast. I didn’t get home until noon.

new railroad tie retaining wall is on the right >>>

Husband was just finishing up his project, this retaining wall. It looked good and he said he was about to come in and take a shower. I had every intention of jumping in the shower with him until I figured out he had already “taken care of business” while I was gone. That actually made me angry so I took my shower real fast before he came in so I would be sure to get the hot water.

Next he went to pick up our daughter and I just puttered around the house doing my weekly chores. Overall it was a pretty great weekend!

***the new photo at the top of my blog was taken at the winery with my phone!

Good Busy Weekend

I am so sick and tired of running alone that I got up Saturday morning at 4 am so I could meet some friends for a 5 am run.  However thanks to poor communication I was at the wrong starting location and ended up all by myself anyway.  It was dark and I was lonely and I could only manage to eke out a few miles before I decided to go home and get the dog. 

Once I got the dog, I “ran” six slow pathetic miles and it was all I could stand.  So my total for the day was only 8 ish miles.  NOT GOOD.  I have a half marathon on May 25^th and I need to get my act together.

Next I went to the office so I could work on our taxes.  My husband was self employed for part of 2012 and our taxes are a bitch.  I tried to finish them last Thursday evening but instead left the office in tears because nothing was going right.  We still owed $7000 and I was just overwhelmed.

As soon as I sat down to start working on the taxes again, Friss called so I ended up talking to him for the next hour.  As usual, he and I had a great talk.  We connect on a deep level and share almost all our intimate thoughts.  Being mom I obviously try not to talk about my sex life but other than that, we share EVERYTHING.  It is cathartic to be so open with someone and I really need it because right now, Friss and George are the only people I can “really” talk to.

Around noon I finally finished up our taxes and printed them out.  I owe all the credit to the large hazelnut latte from McDonalds!  I don’t think I would have made it without one.  We still owe $7000 but now I am confident that is correct and in fact, it was even MY fault.  Even better....I don’t care that we owe so much money because we are now done with the self employment income.  Next year our taxes will be easy and will be done by mid February.

On my way home, I swung by the ex husband’s house to pick up Ramone’s Polly Pocket toys for Beanie and to have him sign his state taxes that I should have mailed a month ago.  He was in a good mood because he now has the whole house to himself.  He said it is so peaceful.  Ramone moved her stuff to her apartment Friday night. 

This made me think….I have the time so I will stop by and see how her bedroom furniture fits in that tiny attic bedroom.  I had the presence of mind to call and warn her I was on my way.  I really wasn’t in the mood to be shocked and appalled by what I might find should I arrive unannounced.  (Which I used to do on purpose all the time when she was at home.)  When I got there, the place was kind of a pig sty and there was a boy asleep on the couch.  (At 1 pm.)  There were 3 other boys sitting on her bed watching a movie on her laptop.  She was cooking some pasta.

Looking for something to feel good about, I noted that the boys were all polite to me and the house didn’t reek like smoke, pot or cigarettes.  But still, I just felt sad that she was in a dumpy apartment with a bunch of worthless 18-20 year old boys hanging around.  You know what I mean.

As I left she requested I buy some metal rings for under the electric stove top burners.  She showed me the old ones and they were super gross.  I also noted she had her bathroom throw carpet in front of the kitchen sink and offered to buy her a proper mat to stand on while doing dishes.

Next stop was the grocery store where I purchased a bottle of (not cheap) wine to celebrate my income tax success and headed home.  I queued up Game of Thrones because I had dozed off Friday night while husband stayed up watching.  Once again I needed to catch up.  I often get behind because I do fall asleep early.  In my defense though, I get up early! 

It wasn’t long before Beanie returned home and we cuddled and took a nap together.  After dinner, Daddy and I watched more Game of Thrones.  It is the one thing we do together on a regular basis.  I rent a series from Netflix and after it gets dark outside we pile in bed together and watch it.  (We recently finished Downton Abbey which I highly recommend.)

Sunday morning I made everyone breakfast and Daddy put up the new temporary fence to divide the back yard into two separate areas.  He then spread grass seed all over the side that is to be the dogs. There is rain in the forecast for the rest of the week and he is hoping the grass will take hold.  I am not optimistic and have started pricing sod. 

Around 9 am Daddy went in to work and I took Beanie shopping.  First stop was Wally World where we got supplies for Ramone and purchased some cheap workout tops for Daddy.  He wears size small so I snatch them up if I find them.  Most stores do NOT even carry men’s small because most American men are so overweight.  I spent $50 and nothing was for ME.

Next stop was Kohl’s where we purchased 2 adorable dresses for Beanie; grand total $11 and some change.  SCORE

At noon Ramone came over to babysit so I could do a bike ride with “The Boys”.  I have an old group of cycling buddies who I am trying to network back in with for rides this summer.  These guys are a few years younger than me and darn good riders and right now, I can keep up.  If I continue to ride with them I will be smoking fast by the end of the summer!

We cycled a total of 32 miles at an average speed of 16.1 mph.  It was SUPER windy out so I was very pleased with the ride despite that fact that I may have forgotten to put on sun block and burned my arms a bit.  Oops.

Back home Beanie was really enjoying the new (used) toys and I cooked up some food to pack up for Daddy’s lunches.  After dinner, we went over to Uwe’s for a while.  It was nice to see him.  I just don’t see him much lately and that makes me sad.

Daddy didn’t get home until close to midnight because his boss has some deadline looming.  Poor guy worked all weekend.

Ramone in her apartment bedroom.  Good thing she is only 5 feet tall!

  

Steller Bad Mood

Last night we watched Game of Thrones.  We finished the last disc of the first season.  We also watched a little Antiques Road Show on PBS.    When it was time to sleep I didn’t feel sleepy, but I turned off the lights because I was bored and ready to be done with the day.

I didn’t sleep well.  At one point the dog woke me because she seemed to be choking.  I sprung from bed and found her sound asleep in her bed next to mine.  She seemed to be asleep and coughing in her dreams?  I tried to wake her and she stopped making the hacking sound.

I climbed back into bed and realized I had been dreaming about antique maps at an antique show.  They were fine old pieces of parchment and people were lovingly admiring them and marveling at their value.  I knew I had combined the two things I had watched on TV.

It was around 2 am and I dozed off again.  I think I slept sounder for a while.   Then I heard the dog throwing up.  I looked over and she was in her kennel.  GOOD, it wasn’t on my carpet.  I pitched her out of the house so she could barf all she wanted.  It was now around 4 am.  I figured there was still time to go back to sleep.

I may or may not have gone back to sleep.  At one point I stretched and my ankle hurt.  It was cold and icy outside and I am so sick of winter.  I started to wonder about my morning run.  Would it be icy?  Should I wear my Yaktrax? Would I be better off to run a different route?  Would the dog be a bad idea since the roads will be crowded?  All of a sudden I decided I didn’t fucking want to run in the snow and ice AGAIN.  I decided to blow off my morning run; something I rarely do.  (Like maybe 3 times in 9 years have I just not gone when I wasn’t sick or had some major issue to stop me.)

At 4:45 the alarm went off and I got up and walked to the bathroom to get dressed for my run.  I had already changed my mind again……that yes, yes I must go run.  I know I will feel guilty and fat and lazy if I don’t go.  Then all of a sudden I just felt angry and depressed and said fuck it and climbed back in bed.

I started to go back to sleep ….I so wanted to just escape to dream land.  Then I thought I had better wake husband so he could go to the gym.  I shook him gently and told him I was skipping my run and he could go to the gym.  He said I should go to the gym.  I didn’t feel like it.  I told him to go.

Then, of course he spend the next 15 minutes pawing me so I never got to go back to sleep.  I finally told him to give it up that I was far too grumpy to have sex.

I spent the whole morning feeling angry and sad and on the verge of a breakdown.  Like nothing is right and never will be.  Like my life is just a cruel trick that someone has played on me.  Really I go through all the motions but I am not HAPPY.

I suppose yesterdays post is the root of this funk.  I hate the fact that Rocco, the most important relationship of my life, the person who changed everything………could care less if he ever speaks to me again.  I suppose I was just a rebound thing for him when his wife left him.  I was just a springboard to get him to where he is now.  He doesn’t look back.  I am sure he rarely thinks of me.  I am still just baffled how two people can be so close and end up so far apart. 

Whatever.  I am not going to go on about all that.  I am just surprised that after over 10 years things are not notably better……they are faded but things are NOT all OK now.  My life still just feels like such a disappointment every time I turn around.

Sometimes I think….maybe I am just a depressive person.  Maybe I am just and idiot that I can’t wake up and be happy like other people do.  Then I remember I used to.  I used to feel normal.  I just want to feel normal again; like I did for the first 35 years of my life.

Priorities

Ever since last fall I have been running with Stina on every run, even though she is pregnant and doesn’t want to push her pace.  She has been getting slower and slower too, and I just keep staying with her even though it is really not good for MY training.

I keep running with her because she is my friend and I really enjoy her company…..we usually chat the whole run.  Also, since she is pregnant and a bit nervous about it, I feel somewhat protective of her so I tag along to make sure she is safe and not alone.  We often run predawn in the dark and I know she would be nervous if she were to find herself all alone.

When I started this “staying with her for every run” thing, I really didn’t think she would still be running at 6 months along.  I assumed she would get bigger and decide she didn’t feel up to it and I would be off to do my spring training at my own pace.  I thought it would last a month or two, not five months.

So last weekend I did yet another super slow not so long “long run” with her.  We jogged with my dog for about 5 miles and then did another 3 miles without the pooch, so a total of 8 miles.  I really need to be running 10 to 13 miles on the weekends.  Our pace is now consistently slower than a 10 minute mile.  For my training, I should be running sub 9 minute miles at least …on my easy runs.

Yesterday I was mentally beating myself up for not training harder and running longer and ditching her so I would be getting stronger and not weaker.  Seriously my running ability is at an all time low right now……I have lost all my conditioning (almost as bad as when I started back after having Beanie).   I keep feeling terrible for letting myself go so much.

Then it occurred to me that I am putting our friendship and my friend before my own selfish running goals and instead of feeling terrible about it, I should be proud of it, or at least cool with it.  I mean really, what is more important, my super good friend Stina or my own personal running goals that really amount to nothing in the ranking of what matters in life.

So now I can beat myself up for being so hard on myself when it really is ridiculous of me!!

********************
update:  this morning Stina ran with another girl and I went it alone.  I only did 5 miles and my pace was an embarrassing 9:10 average.  BUT, it's a start.  I need to get back to work.  It felt good and bad at the same time.  Hopefully, it won't take me too long to get back into a groove.

Sunday with Deer Guts and Evil Bugs

This morning I got up at the normal 5 am and prepared to go for my long run. Husband appeared from the bedroom and snapped some comment at me about how it was so ridiculously early.  Now this was odd because we both usually get up early and 5 was not normally considered too early.  Not sure what that was about.

On my way to the trail, I was driving on a two lane highway when the car next to me (in the fast lane) just ran right over a dead deer that was in the road.  It looked freshly killed and was already busted up into big pieces.  I was slightly horrified that the car did not even attempt to slow down but then, before that all sunk in, there was a spray…. and a huge splash on my windshield as the guts of the dead deer splattered all over my car.  I was now in full freak out mode and wanted to drive immediately to the car wash.  My car is covered in deer blood, pee, bile, meat juice, whatever….GROSS!!!  I thought for a second and realized I should turn on the spray and wipers and at least get the windshield clean so I could see.  After that I knew I could not do the drive through carwash because the bike rack had to be removed first.  YUCK . YUCK.  YUCK.   I would have to just leave it until I got home. 

At the trail head I had to remember not to touch my car.  The whole front end had large brown sports of dried deer guts on it. YUCK

I did a 10 mile run all by myself, just an out and back on the flat trail.  Happily my legs were not very sore   from yesterdays 85 mile bike although I did feel a bit tired overall.  It was cooler with temps in the upper 50s so that was a pleasant change.  I took some time while running to work on focusing on form and breathing, even when I was tired and running the last half of my run.  I always have to remind myself that even when I am exhausted I can keep running well and I should not mentally give up like I was doing this spring.  (Running is a huge mind game for me.)

After my run, I had to get gas and I stopped for some juice and then Friss called and I stopped at the top of the hill to chat with him before I headed home. When I arrived home husband was giving off an aggravated vibe, no doubt because I was gone so long.   Of course we didn’t discuss it….that not allowed.

He had however started unloading the pantry for me.  This was good because I was planning to clean it out anyway.  Seems we got a bad load of rice and then got a weevil infestation.  (Notice the word evil is in their name!) Me being busy and distracted did not react quickly at the first signs of bugs so the darn things morphed into moth like creatures and then proceeded to die all over the whole pantry.  Big cleaning project.  No fun.

I told husband I needed to wash car first and foremost.  He told me he would do it so I could work on the panty.  That was super cool of him.  Mommy was happy.

After he washed the car he piled the girl in the car and took her to the gym.  I worked on the pantry for at least two hours.  THEN it was time to start on my regular weekly chores and I was not in any mood to do any of it.  I wanted to just sit down for a freakin’ minute.  BUT I did not.  I knew I would not get up.  I finally decided I needed some calories so I ate some food and felt a bit better. 

For my own amazement, I kept a list.  You ready?

1)      Make the bed

2)      Empty small trashcans

3)      Boil eggs

4)      Clean rabbit cage

5)      Feed rabbit

6)      Water plants

7)      Write check to day care

8)      Cook my lunches and package them up (peel fresh carrots and cook, green beans and veggie burgers)

9)      Empty the dishwasher and reload it.

10)   Finish a load of laundry and put it away. 

11)   Sweep the kitchen floor

12)   Refill my weekly pill sorter

13)   Pack Beanie for school on Monday.

14)   Put recycling out in garage

15)   Cut up a head of lettuce to keep salad ready for hubby

16)   General tidying and picking up

When that was all done, I finally crawled in bed with Bean for a MUCH needed nap. We both were sound asleep in no time. It was 4 when we woke up and hubby was home. He was being friendly and kept trying to get Bean to go outside with him. He was doing stuff in the yard and tinkering.  I was actually a bit bored.  I watched 60 minutes by myself.  He hates when I watch TV. I am glad he has been nicer to me lately, but he still doesn’t “connect” like I wish he would which makes me sad.

Labor Day Weekend

So my husband has either found my blog and never confessed or he has an incredible sense of timing.  I’m going to go with the second option.

Saturday was rainy and I went down to visit Friss.  Of course I took Beanie because husband could not be bothered with watching her all afternoon.  We had a great visit other than the fact that a 5 year old is incredibly good at interrupting, so the words “now what were we talking about?” were uttered so many times I can’t count.

On the drive home I phoned husband and he was working on installing a ceiling fan in Beanie’s bedroom.  I was thrilled!  He went and picked one out, purchased it and installed it and I didn’t have to do a thing.  What a nice feeling to have Daddy taking care of us!  (In hind sight he was no doubt waiting for a rainy day to do it and we all know it has been since May that we had one.)

Sunday morning I was supposed to do one last LONG brick before my race and Bob was supposed to join me; however in the wee hour of the morning he texted me that he was feeling under the weather and would not make it. SO I put my bike on the car and did it all by myself.  I wore my new GARMIN 910xt so there was some fun involved as I was trying out a new toy.  Overall it went well.  I started a bit late and rode the first 15 miles in some light rain but by the turn around it had cleared up and I had a tail wind for the last 28 miles.  Total time for my 56 mile bike was right at 3:15 hours.  I am happy with that and hope to do 3 hours in the actual race assuming it is not raining or super windy.

Next it was time to run.  I had planned a 13 mile out and back course.  I successfully switched my Garmin from bike mode to run mode (go me) and headed out.  At first I felt sluggish but figured I would feel better once I found my groove.  Later I decided that I had probably eaten TOO MANY calories.  I was being overly cautious about running out of fuel; lesson learned.  (Husband later told me no more than 300 calories per hour.) Then, around mile 3, there was a construction area that was super muddy thanks to all the rain from Hurricane Isaac.  I tried to pick my way through and not get too muddy but there was just no way.  It took me 10 minutes to scrape my shoes off so I could start running again.  Wow, was I losing steam.  As I kept running on the original course it occurred to me I needed a reroute so I did not have to traverse the mud pit again.  I mapped a route in my mind and switched direction.  At some point I figured out that the new route was not going to be long enough.  I fussed about not making my 13 miles for a bit and then decided I was too crabby, tired and sick of running tocare anymore and just ran back to the car.  It was 11 ugly miles at a 9:30 average pace.  I was hoping for closer to a 9 minute pace.  That is my goal for the race.

I spent the rest of the day puttering around the house.  I drank some beer, did some cooking and napped with my daughter.  I deemed it a successful day.

Monday was a holiday which was perfect.  I needed a day to do my weekend chores and as a bonus, I could actually join my friends for their normal Monday morning bike ride.  After the ride one of the participants always hosts a big home cooked breakfast.  This time it was my buddy who is a police officer so it was kind of fun to see what his place was like.  Also, we ate biscuits, gravy, eggs and bacon.  Wow, best breakfast I have had in years.

After enjoying the company of my friends for a long and digesting a bit I headed home and hubby disappeared down the road on his bike.  I did all my chores and got Beanie down for an early nap.  Around 2 I dropped her at a friend’s house for a play date and I scooted over to the lake to swim with my new Garmin on.  It was pretty cool to finally get a real reading on how long it will take me to swim 1.2 miles.  It was 48 minutes.  So I am estimating it will take one hour or less in the actual race.

So let’s add this up:

Swim – 1 hour

Bike – 3 hours

Run – 2 hours

Total = 6 hours  = BEST CASE!!  If I do this thing in anywhere near 6 hours I will be THRILLED.

I will be disappointed if it takes me more than 7 hours.  So that is the goal, under 7 hours.

Running On Empty

I woke up and checked the clock.  I was supposed to meet Stina to run at 6.  I told her I would be there.  She doubted my legs would still work after yesterday and I told her as long as we keep about a 10 minute pace I can chug out any old run she offers me.

The clock said it was ¼ past.  The alarm was set for ½ past.  I decided to go ahead and get up…..i was  worried I might be moving a bit slow.  I made some toast.  I got dressed, used the bathroom and fed the dog.  I headed to the car at about 10 till which would get me to her house right on time.  I pulled out of the driveway and started my Garmin so it would find a signal.  I then looked at the clock in the car……..it was almost 5 o’clock.  FIVE!!!

Holy shit I got up an hour early…….AFTER I went to bed like 4 hours late.  I am such an idiot!  I turned the car around, pulled back in the garage, and jumped back into bed with all my running gear on.  I was going to sleep a little more by golly.

Next thing I know it is almost 6 am and Stina texts me that she is sick and it is rainy so she is bagging the run.  Now I regret getting up early even more!  Then again…..I can once again go back to sleep.  I pull off my running clothes and climb back into bed one more time.  I slept until 6:30…or was it 7.  Late for me.

Once I got up I did my weekly chores, finally talked to hubby on the phone and then headed over to Uwe’s to hang out.  At his house I had lunch and a nap on the couch.  I then ran to the grocery store and got some stuff that was on sale.  Prices too good to pass up.  I finally arrived home around 3:30 and Husband and kid were there waiting for me.  Husband was pissed that he had to wait because he wanted to go to the gym.  He said something sharp at me as he marched past me and out of the house.

I put my groceries away and cuddled with my Bean.  I showed her the big old cantaloupe I bought for her and she was happy to see me.  Thank God someone loves me.

The rest of the night I played with my daughter and watched the Olympics closing ceremony.  Husband returned home at some point but never spoke to me all night.  Whatever.

Biking, Birthdays and Electronic Failures

Friday I picked up Beanie and headed straight home.  Husband arrived right after me with groceries and a 6 pack.  I think he was willing to share, but I am not drinking because I am trying to take my training VERY seriously as this point.  Thing to note is he came right home which is a nice thing and doesn’t seem to happen very often.

I am not sure if I mentioned it here on this blog yet, but I DID actually sign up to do the Half “Ironman” distance triathlon at nationals.  That will consist of a 1.2 mile swim, a 56 mile bike and then a 13.1 mile run.  The race is September 22 and now that vacation is behind me and husband is on the mend, this race is my focus for the next seven weeks.

Anyway Friday we had a good evening.  I don’t remember the details but I do remember thinking Husband was fairly pleasant.  I should also point out that he got his stitches out last Tuesday and he got his case off on Wednesday and they cleared him for normal activity as long as it doesn’t hurt

Saturday first thing I ran 10 miles with Stina and then biked 51 miles with Uwe.  It got really steamy by the end and Uwe was whining like a girl.  As soon as we finished I went home to eat and see my Bean.  We tried to nap but I failed to get her to sleep.  She was a wreck the balance of the day.

Husband however was pretty agreeable and interactive so again I was happy about that.  I kept thinking “if he was like this all the time and a romantic once in a while I would be perfectly satisfied with my marriage.” 

Then I had to go and push my luck.  Around 6:30 I asked if he would mind if I rode my bike again on Sunday morning, just for a couple of hours, I would be home by 9 a.m. at the latest and I even promised to clean the basement floor which is something he had mentioned was past due.  He then became cold and distant and avoided me the rest of the night.  I asked him several times what was wrong and even offered to skip the ride if it would cheer him up.  He had no interest in discussing it and forged ahead in full asshole mode, so I just ignored him back after my initial attempts at being a good wife and discussing what I viewed as a sudden mood change I might have created. 

I thought about what was really wrong and I decided he was just jealous because he can’t bike due to his broken wrist still being tender.  I also decided that it is ridiculous that he is so childish and selfish that he has to go pout because I am training.  He has to treat me coldly because he can’t have all the fun he likes AND, he is the one that wrecked the motorcycle causing the injuries so I don’t think I deserve any of it.

Sunday morning I showed up for the group ride and no one was there.  My rotten cell phone texting was not working or I would have known that the ride had been cancelled.   However, since I was out anyway I decided to do hill repeats on my own.  I went to my favorite hill and rode up it several times drinking in the fresh morning air as the sun rose up over the rural countryside.

I went ahead and wore my iPod (which I rarely do on the bike) because it was so early and remote I knew there would be very little traffic.  I really enjoyed my “me time” on my bike and my legs are pretty darn sore this morning.  Good sore of course.

After the ride I threw on my running shoes and headed out to run…..I was about a half a mile into it when my iPod froze up.  It was playing but the controls quit working.  I stopped to tinker with it and turned it off then it would not come back on.  I wasn’t in the mood to hear myself breathing and my feet hitting the pavement so I only ran 2 miles and then called it a day.  Why are all my electronics crapping out on me?

On the way home I stopped at Target and purchased a new iPod.  It makes my runs so much more pleasurable to have some peppy music.  I have been advised that you are not allowed to wear music in a triathlon or they will disqualify you.  This makes me sad since I know it is going to make the half tri in September even harder on me.

Sunday afternoon me and Beanie took naps and then attended a birthday party/pool party for one of Beanies classmates.  It was lots of fun.

 

We arrived back home around 6 p.m. so I watched 60 minutes and then the Olympics.  Husband was not bad but not good.  He was pretty much doing his own thing until around 9 when he came and watched TV with me until 10 and then he went to sleep.  You know he does not kiss me good night unless I ask him to.  I hate that.

Tuesday

Last night Husband was grumpy because he had completely worn himself out going to work.  He didn’t sleep well either.  He was up and down a lot.  He got mad cause he couldn’t pull the covers up at one point.  I told him I would help and that made him mad too.  He is already trying to wean himself off the pain pills and that is just making things worse.

I did manage to get out of the house for an hour or so this morning to attend my running groups “World Record Run”.  Once a year we put out the word to see how many people we can get to show up for a 5:30 am run.  We even serve a pancake breakfast.  Here is a picture of all the attendants this morning.

But, thanks to all the hoopla of the special run day, we started our run late and I only had time to do four miles because I had to get back home and change bandages and drive Husband to the office.  However, it all worked out fine because, to my sheer delight, I had one of the fastest runs EVER.  Here is my average pace per mile: 8:29, 8:12, 7:53, and 7:43 for an overall average pace of 8:05!  I am still just grinning.

But then I went home and husband was grumpy and in pain.  Then Beanie had a meltdown in the car because she changed her mind about which shoes she wanted to wear to school.  That child can be so mean and rotten when she tries.  I finally had to pull the car over and climb in the back seat, get in her face and order her to put her shoes on and be quiet.  AND she was still being sassy even after that.

By the time I got to the office I was done for the day and it was only 8:30!!   (I was late.)

A good family friend of ours, Lauren said she would pick the “kids” up for me so I could go ride my bike like my normal Tuesday after work schedule.  Her timing was perfect; I needed a break and was more grateful than ever to do a nice bike ride after work.

When I arrived home later in the evening I found that the UPS man had left two brand new motorcycle tires on the front porch.  Evidently Husband had ordered them last Thursday.  I walked past them and went to bed.  Husband said he didn’t even want to look at them.  I don’t blame him.

Rather than Sit at Home Alone Worrying

I woke up before the alarm went off and just laid there in the dark.  Everything was strange and I had barely slept a wink.   I don’t think I actually climbed in bed until almost midnight.  Then all night long the air conditioner would cycle on and make a lot of loud noises and then cycle off and it would be so quiet it was eerie.

I knew I needed to eat something if I was going to be able to run at all.  All day yesterday I never felt like eating but did eventually choke down some McDonalds as I passed my daughter off to her Grandparents at the rendezvous location an hour west of home.  His parents were, of course, concerned but I assured them Husband was fine and that it was just a few scrapes and bruises and they should not worry a bit.

I knew the hotel served a free continental breakfast so I put on my sandals and wondered towards the front desk.  All was dark and quiet and I could not find anything that looked like food.  I asked the front desk and they said breakfast starts at 6:30 am.  It was now around 5 am so that was not going to work for me at all.

I went back to my room and found some quarters, located a vending machine and bought a bag of Cheeze-its.  I pulled out my cell phone and called my husband’s hospital room number.  A curse lady answered and told me the rooms were on *do not disturb* for the night.   For a split moment I wanted to crumble again but I regrouped knowing they meant well not letting phone calls ring through 24 hours a day.

I went back to my room and put on my running clothes all the while thinking I would just head down to the starting line to watch and cheer on my friends.  I tidied my room up a bit decided to drive down there a bit early in case I should get lost…or better yet, find a snack so I could eat more.

Arriving early gets you a good parking spot!   I wondered down to the hotel and met up with Uwe and some of our running buddies.  We headed to the starting location and I told them I had not slept much and that I was feeling really out of it.  On top of that, the forecast was for record heat again today.  My friends encouraged me to run anyway and I then decided I would just think of it as a normal Saturday morning training run only much shorter.  (Usually I run 10-13 miles on Saturday and this would only be a bit over 6.)  How could I go wrong, the course is out and back so if I feel too terrible I can just turn around and come back.

They started the 5K and 10K together and I took off at a leisurely 9 minute pace.  EVERYONE was passing me.  I didn’t care at all.  I was going to relax and just jog this one.

The course is fairly hilly and because I was taking it easy, I just paced myself up the hills; never walking, just slow and steady up up up.  At the 5k turn around almost everyone made the corner.  No wonder they were all so fast, they were only running 3 miles!

At the 10k turn around I realized I wasn’t doing too badly compared to most and that I was in fact feeling a bit better.  I picked up my pace knowing I was at least going to finish instead of turning back like a loser.

This race has a little jaunt up and then back down a road called Lovers Leap.  I had never seen it but had heard tell that it is the nastiest hill you will ever encounter.  I knew I would turn onto it around mile 5 but then after I made it to the top; it was downhill for the last mile to the finish.

As promised, lovers leap was too steep to run so I walked it as fast as I could.  There were people everywhere all walking either up or down the narrow road.  (The race had a 5k walk option as well.) I spotted Uwe coming down and we gave each other a high-5 as we passed and that pumped me up.  At the top I took a drink of water at the aid station and then, determined to finish strong, I blasted down that hill, past all the walkers, turned right onto the main road and ran my very hardest that last mile to the finish; “Balls to the wall” as they say.

View of finish from top of Lover Leap!

By now the temperature was up to about 80 and I was soaked in sweat.  I felt pretty good though as I passed most everyone else walking or running darn slow at this point.  It was a tough course and I was feeling pretty proud that I didn’t let it beat me down!

Shortly after I finished, Uwe found me and told me I looked great and that I had surely placed. I was shocked considering how bad I had felt at the start.  We both got some water to drink and started to look for the others in our group.  We checked results as they were posted and I saw that both of us had placed 4^th; just missing a medal.  Bummer.

Everyone stayed for the awards presentation but I went back to the car to make phone calls.  During the race I had been thinking of tons of things to discuss with Husband.  Husband answered but quickly said he could not talk.  OMG-he’s killing me.  I spoke to Grandma and Beanie and they were doing well but wanted to know how Daddy was.  (ME TOO) I promised I would call them back as soon as I heard anything.

By the time I got back to the awards area the crowd had thinned and they were announcing the last (oldest) age groups.  To my delight they called my name.  Evidently I ended up with 3^rd because one of the other women got the “masters” award.  So, I ended up with some nice hardware, a bronze medal for my effort.

Next everyone was headed to lunch.  I phoned husband and he said that he would not be getting out anytime soon, in fact they may even keep him another day.  I asked him if they had cut his wedding ring off and he told me no, it was at home, he had not been wearing it that day.  I was glad for that.  I went to lunch with everyone which seemed to take forever.  I really wanted to get back and see him so I was getting really impatient.

On the drive back I called him and he said they had set his wrist and that he was cleared to go home anytime I could come get him.  With my awesome luck, there was a big accident on the highway and it took me an extra hour to get home.  BUT, I finally fetched him out of the hospital and he seemed in good spirits.  We got his pain medication prescription filled and went to Target and got him some sandals that would fit around his bandaged foot and then home for a relaxing evening just the two of us.

I finally geared down once we were both relaxing in front of the TV and I felt the tension I had been carrying for days now leave my body.  I felt such relief.  I was ready for a good night’s sleep.