Valentines Day

Last weekend JDK and I spent hours putting all his household decor items up/away.  We hung art work, moved tables, discussed the plan over all for making the basement into a media room.  It all went really well and when we work together like this it makes me feel so good.  Two people that are supposed to be a couple should be able to discuss their needs and wants regarding how the house is decorated and agree on how to make the house a happy place that they both love to live in.

Last weekend the weather was icy and I didn't want to drive so JDK carted to the kid to a sleepover and a birthday party Sunday afternoon.  Saturday night (while the kid was at the sleepover) we stayed home and cooked together.  It was good.  We had a nice weekend except I ended up working 13 hours.  Man I hate working on the weekends.

This morning I finally went to the doctor for my knees.  I'm so glad I did.  I loved the doctor that my friend recommended and I am confident we know what is wrong and what to do.

this shows that I have really good cartilage for my age!

My knee caps out of alignment......and that can be fixed with P.T.

The good new is my knees look very healthy for my age.  The bad news is I have some muscle imbalances that are causing my knee caps to track incorrectly.  It should line up better with the bone there.  So In early March I will go see the physical therapist and learn all the fun exercises that should help fix this problem.  Maybe some day I will be able to do 150 wall balls without killing my knees!!

Valentines Day was a mix.  Beanie was super sweet and excited to make cards and her box for school.

This is the card she made me....on the fly....which basically says I'm not pregnant.  LOL

box for collecting cards at school...her own concept.  I didn't help at all.

JDK came home and was not particularly friendly.  At one point he says hes going downstairs because I want to be alone.  This is his way of excusing himself when HE wants to go downstairs alone and can't figure out how to say it....make it sound like he is doing me a favor.  RIGHT...grrrr

Later he came up and wanted to watch TV so we turned on a very cool documentary about the National Parks.  I was enjoying the show and he was watching me like a hark to see if i would fall asleep.  He likes to lull me to sleep so he can go off and do something without me.  I was very attune to his attempts and even asked him why he was watching me so hard, etc.  He denied of course.  I didn't fall asleep.

As soon as Beanie went to bed we climbed in bed where he read his tablet until he declared he was sleepy and rolled over and went fast asleep.  No kiss good night...nothing romantic or fun.  I sat up for a few hours fussing cause i was mad.

We had a bottle of champagne in the fridge that we had planned to open but he didn't bring it up and I didn't either.  I wasn't going to push him into paying attention to me.  He really didn't seem like he wanted to.  Just like the old days....my boyfriend doesn't seem to really like me much.  Sad

Looking At It Another Way

Last night I went out to dinner with an old freind.  We talked and talked and had the best time.  It was a much needed break from my family, my job and my house.

At one point we were discussing the cold icy winter we are having and I mentioned how I always look forward to spring and then bam, my allergies kick in and I think "crap, why was I looking forward to this?".  My friend laughed at this story.  It is one of those ironic things we do that is certainly funny if you choose to see it that way.  Then my friend says "oh oh and then as soon as your allergies pass it's 105 degrees and you're cooking to death!!""  YES!!  And we both laughed out loud.

Just a few days ago I said the same thing to JDK.  He gave me the "well aren't you a ray of sunshine" look.  He loves to point out how I am such a negative person.  But last night the same story elicited laughter.  So maybe it's not me.  Maybe it has something to do with the person listening!

I'm telling you, I am a fun person, when I am with fun people.  However, I am not so good as to be able to lift the mood of a down room or bring some people out of a funk.  I can try....but it's not my forte.

So, I need to remember, next time he starts to be down on me for not being light and fun enough, I will just keep in mind that maybe it's him not me that is the glum one.

_________________________

This morning I went and ran with my new running buddy Jamie.  We are developing a good "running" friendship.  She will never replace Stina (irreplaceable!)  but, she might turn into a great companion for running.  She is about 10 years younger than me so I am a little worried that if she gets in shape before I do I won't be able to keep up.  But, for now, we are both chugging along out there and exclaiming that we WILL get back in shape!

Communication and Moods

This house suffers from poor communication and way too many crappy moods.

I desperately want to fix both of these problems.  It is NO FUN to live like this.  If JDK isn't grumpy then Beanie is.  I try to keep my chin up and be positive but when the kid is being a total ass it is hard not to get aggravated.

Im going to start logging the ups and down so I have a record of what is really going on.

This morning (before Beanie was awake) JDK and I sat in bed and talked about what we wanted to do today and this weekend.  It was GOOD communication and made me feel happy.

Then Bean got up and was in a decent mood until her father told her that bread and cheese wasn't a great idea for breakfast.  She pushed and he finally gave in but then she said she didn't want breakfast and wallowed on the floor and balked at getting ready for school until the very last minute.  She actively bitched and tried to push our buttons.  SO FRUSTRATING. 

I feel that she acts like this most of the time.  Maybe I can find a pattern if I keep this log.

So this morning.....some good and some bad.

Now, I have to work!

I Once Owned 20 Wooded Acres

So it finally happened.  He closed on his house today at 8 am.  It's gone.  It feels weird.

I purchased that house, with it's woods, in the fall of 2002.  I had decided to shed the house that Rocco and I had bought together and move to something nicer.  I wanted a little land and a big screened in porch.  I accidentally stumbled upon the 20 acres with a fairly new home (no porch) just 4 miles from town on a paved road. The house wan't my style or what I would have built but it was only 6 years old so it seemed new and fancy to me.  The woods though....that was the thing.  They were amazing.  20 acres of fully wooded land, on a road that was literally a tree tunnel in the spring when the trees were thick with leaves.   It was my quiet paradise.  It cost more than I ever dreamed of spending but they happily loaned me the money (I have excellent credit) so I threw caution to the wind and bought it.

I moved in over Thanksgiving weekend and did 95% of the moving by myself with the borrowed company minivan.  It was miserable.  I swore that should I ever move again I would hire movers to do it for me no matter what the cost.

I remember the first night; I laid on my mattress on the floor looking out the window at the trees and cried because I was so sad and missing Rocco.  The windows didn't have curtains (they never had).  The stars shone bright in the sky.  I used to crack my window at night...so I could hear and feel my woods close to me.

That first winter I started making trails in the woods.  I loved it.  I would walk the woods and get a feel for the lay of the land and then I would plot a course that took rain drainage and tree placement into account.  I would clear the trail by hand with an ax, tree trimmer and hand clippers.  It was absorbing and just what I needed to funnel my grief into.  I had lost my son, my grandson and my soul mate.  My heart was soooo very heavy.  Some days I would cry all day as I worked alone in the woods.  It felts good to just pour it all out.

Some days I would wake at dawn and pull on my mud proof boots and just head out for the WHOLE day.  I remember standing in MY woods and swearing I would never leave them. 

--------
Flash forward to 2007 when I tried to sell the house/land.  I was expecting Beanie and had moved to be with her father.  I was ready to shed the responsibility of a large house on 20 acres.  When i purchased it I assumed that I wouldn't be single forever and that one day a nice fellow would join me in my wooded paradise.  But sadly it never happened and i wasn't up to it all on my own any more. 

Unfortunately I chose to try to sell my house just as the housing bubble burst and NO ONE was buying or selling shit.  Eventually JDK decided to sell his house, so we keep the house in the woods.  His starter home sold fairly quickly and I found myself giving the old house in the woods a make over so we could make it into our family home.

The colors we chose went with his belongings.  I was never much of a decorator.  His house was red, dark green and gold.  I'm not a fan of red so we used burnt orange at my house.  He painted the legs of this coffee table the color i chose to match our new home.  We worked hard and it looked good.  We even installed curtains.

Over the next few years he made the woods his territory while I watched our little girl who didn't care to spend much time outside.  I missed the woods but my heart was with my daughter now.

Last Tuesday I went and walked the woods one last time.  I remembered the hours / days I had spend in them alone....with their healing power.  I also remembered how JDK seemed to take them from me when he moved in.  I didn't feel they were mine anymore.  It sounds weird but my special place wasn't familiar to me anymore.  It was still beautiful.  Anselle and Brie are buried there.  So many memories over so many years.

He sold his furniture with the house.  He left that coffee table that he made himself (not store bought) behind.  It was a such a nice sturdy piece of furniture and I really did like it.  It doesn't go with our new house...and we don't have room to store it.  Sometimes it's good to let go of the past even if it feels weird and kind of sad.

Sleep In Peace Tikka

See how pretty and sweet my baby rat is!

This morning I said goodbye to my baby Tikka.  She was such a good little rat.  Always friendly and happy.  We got her around Christmas 2 years ago because we already had Brie (see picture below) and rats are social animals and I wanted them to be happy.

When we got them they were supposed to be Beanie's pets and she was supposed to take care of them and play with them, but as children do, her interest faded quickly and I was the one who feed them and let them out of their cage to explore.  They would always find Beanie on the couch and climb on her and she didn't like it.  I always enjoyed their company, passing them snacks to run back to their cage and stash for later.  Rats love to scavenge for food.  Ha - Imagine that!

Early last spring Brie passed away.  She was always a little "off" from the time we got her.  It think she was handicapped.  Once she was full grown her head had a funny tilt and was less active than Tikka.   Daddy buried her on his land at his house.

Tikka soldiered on but was lonely and i knew it.  It wasn't too long before Tikka got an ugly rash on her side.  I watched it, hoping it would go away on its own but it didn't.  Eventually it spread and so I took her to the vet.  We treated her for mites/parasites but her skin still didn't clear up.  The vet said she was chewing and scratching on herself so it was all self inflicted wounds.  At times she would bleed and it was so sad.  Then she got a tumor on her chest.  The vet said she was not in good enough health to operate.  We tried antibiotics to get he skin fixed and it didn't work.  In the long run she was suffering so we had to put her to sleep.

Rest in Peace baby Tikka.  We loved you so much.

Tikka and Brie

Let There Be Light

At my age you start to get fussy about having good lighting.  You want to be able to see shit and your eyes aren't as sharp as they used to be so good light makes a huge difference.

One of my favorite things about this house is the under cabinet lighting.  (I know I have mentioned it before.) It's awesome....I will never live without it again.

However, it has been a never ending project to keep the light bulbs in those under cabinet lights all on.  Seems one burns out every few weeks....and I hear they aren't cheap.  (Kevin used to be in charge of the light bulbs and now JDK is.)

JDK is a smart guy and he is a huge fan of LED lights.  Evidently they are expensive to buy but they use very little energy and last forever.  So instead of paying for new bulbs and electricity you pay up front for the LED bulb and then forgetaboutit.

So....my sweet "husband" JDK changed all the bulbs in the under cabinet lights to LED.  They are brighter and I can leave them on all the time and not feel bad that they cost $ or will burn out!!

This is one reason I think he is awesome!!

******
And last Tuesday I had an electrician install these bad boys in my bedroom. 

new LED can lights ON

new LED can lights off

When these suckers are on it is brighter than a thousand suns!!! You can find your earring in the carpet....You can sort your socks in the wee hours of the morn.  Lets just say it is all the light an old hag could ever want. 

GO ME!!!