So, for the past month or more I have not posted an update for a number of reasons:
1) I have been super busy at work and have not had time to sneak in some blogging. I don’t blog at home because we don’t have internet and my husband doesn’t like to share his laptop. Besides, he can’t know what I write about.
2) I have SO MUCH I want to say I don’t even know where to start. Been thiking about this issue and I really would be doing myself a favor to do a short post everyday rather than let things build up.
3) HOWEVER I am not good at writing a short post. I always think the story needs details and background in order to convey the whole situation so I end up typing pages and pages of stuff which makes it so time consuming.
4) I have been spending my spare computer time working on taxes and federal student aid forms for the ex and the now 18 year old son as well as just relaxing and reading other blogs and Facebook and goofing off. Something I am just too lazy to type up a post.
Anyhow, I hope to start doing more daily posts and to do some fill in stuff for the month and a half I missed. So, look back once in a while and see if I added anything.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I Am Honest
Just left marriage counselor meeting #3 and recorded this message for myself:
"If I am honest about how I feel it just breeds negativity. He does not want to hear that anything is wrong or that my needs are not being met. Instead of wanting to fix it or make me happy he turns it around and makes it out that I am the bad guy for not appreciating him or that I am ungrateful for what he does do……or that I just have a skewed perception……..Or worse yet that I have a need to be unhappy and I am unwilling to let happiness happen."
Honesty seems to make for negativity and we don’t need more negativity!!
"If I am honest about how I feel it just breeds negativity. He does not want to hear that anything is wrong or that my needs are not being met. Instead of wanting to fix it or make me happy he turns it around and makes it out that I am the bad guy for not appreciating him or that I am ungrateful for what he does do……or that I just have a skewed perception……..Or worse yet that I have a need to be unhappy and I am unwilling to let happiness happen."
Honesty seems to make for negativity and we don’t need more negativity!!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Talk is Good
So my husband and I have been seeing a therapist……marriage counselor………what ever you want to call it. We have been to two visits at this point.
First I have to say that the fact that he was willing to go and not even grudgingly means a lot to me. It is a real and tangible sign that he wants us to be happy and he is invested in our marriage. He has been super good about it, showing up on time and taking it all very seriously.
After the first visit, I could tell my husband was trying to be nicer to me. He was making an effort to hang around and be more sociable, to answer me and talk to me more. He still seems like he is trying. I also think that maybe I am being less sensitive and needy so I am not paying as much attention to him so he feels a little more “free” and finds it easier to engage because the pressure is off.
At the first meeting, the therapist gave us a two part homework assignment. First we were supposed to spend an hour discussing our marriage, much like the councilor’s meeting but without the councilor; idea being to talk when we are not already upset about something. And the other homework assignment was to spend an hour a week doing something pleasant with each other; like holding hands or a date or something one on one without needing to talk. I liked these homework assignments and had high hopes that we would actually do them. Well, the talking one never happened. I asked my husband more than once to have our talk and he pushed it off so I gave up. The cuddling did happen one night kind of by accident. The toddler went to bed early because she did not get her nap so the husband and I had a whole evening to ourselves and made good use of it. We watched a movie and then made love. The best part was I felt like he was GIVING. Like he was making an effort to be with me and spend time paying attention to me because he wanted to. Not for sex and not because he was being nagged about it but because he wants us to have a good marriage. That was nice.
First I have to say that the fact that he was willing to go and not even grudgingly means a lot to me. It is a real and tangible sign that he wants us to be happy and he is invested in our marriage. He has been super good about it, showing up on time and taking it all very seriously.
After the first visit, I could tell my husband was trying to be nicer to me. He was making an effort to hang around and be more sociable, to answer me and talk to me more. He still seems like he is trying. I also think that maybe I am being less sensitive and needy so I am not paying as much attention to him so he feels a little more “free” and finds it easier to engage because the pressure is off.
At the first meeting, the therapist gave us a two part homework assignment. First we were supposed to spend an hour discussing our marriage, much like the councilor’s meeting but without the councilor; idea being to talk when we are not already upset about something. And the other homework assignment was to spend an hour a week doing something pleasant with each other; like holding hands or a date or something one on one without needing to talk. I liked these homework assignments and had high hopes that we would actually do them. Well, the talking one never happened. I asked my husband more than once to have our talk and he pushed it off so I gave up. The cuddling did happen one night kind of by accident. The toddler went to bed early because she did not get her nap so the husband and I had a whole evening to ourselves and made good use of it. We watched a movie and then made love. The best part was I felt like he was GIVING. Like he was making an effort to be with me and spend time paying attention to me because he wanted to. Not for sex and not because he was being nagged about it but because he wants us to have a good marriage. That was nice.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
How to waste a $50 Co-pay.
Today I went to see the new orthopedic doctor for my rotten old feet. When I got there the place was enormous and busy; a huge doctor factory. They even have valet parking! I parked in the garage and walked over choosing to take care of myself and let those more helpless types use the valet service. After thinking it through I decided it was just plane decent of them to provide valet parking because so many people were there on crutches or in a wheel chair.
I went up the stairs and found the check in counter and was a bit amazed that there were 4 or 5 people just checking people in and lines for each clerk. The building is brand new, modern, state of the art. I waited for 3 or 4 minutes and was called back to a room. They quickly did my vital stats and escorted me down the hallway to get x-rays of my feet. The old doctor never even did x-rays!
Back in the room I waited and played Sudoku on my phone. The doctor finally appeared and was nice and inquisitive. He looked at the feet and felt the feet and basically told me that they were in pretty good shape from his perspective.
I guess I should have fussed more about how it hurts. I think they underestimate my pain level because I am active and refuse to give up because of the pain. I tried to explain that it is constant and at times VERY painful.
He definitely saw me as fit and active and NOT in need and pretty much said “you can walk and you can run….I would consider you a B+ outcome from your surgery.”
I am sure he thinks if I can run my pain must not be too bad. I am pretty sure that my pain is worse than most people would run with.
This is a huge disappointment as I was so hopeful that there might be something else that could be done so I am not constantly hobbling and wearing only my most comfortable shoes. In March I am headed to Italy on vacation and I know I will be doing tons of walking so I am already dreading the pain and stressing over which shoes will be best.
The only thing the foot doctor did was refer me to a company that makes custom orthotics for about $225 a pair. I am pretty sure that their pricey inserts will not be any better than my $25 home made ones so I will probably not follow up on getting them. The old doctor made me some too and they were no help at all and I was bold enough to return them and they were kind enough to refund my money. This new orthotics company assured me there was no return policy if they did not work.
Well, I followed up on one of my New Year’s resolutions! Good for me. It turned out to be a waste of time and money, bummer. But at least I tried.
P.S. The foot doctor also suggested I buy more orthopedic type shoes……..yuck!
I went up the stairs and found the check in counter and was a bit amazed that there were 4 or 5 people just checking people in and lines for each clerk. The building is brand new, modern, state of the art. I waited for 3 or 4 minutes and was called back to a room. They quickly did my vital stats and escorted me down the hallway to get x-rays of my feet. The old doctor never even did x-rays!
Back in the room I waited and played Sudoku on my phone. The doctor finally appeared and was nice and inquisitive. He looked at the feet and felt the feet and basically told me that they were in pretty good shape from his perspective.
I guess I should have fussed more about how it hurts. I think they underestimate my pain level because I am active and refuse to give up because of the pain. I tried to explain that it is constant and at times VERY painful.
He definitely saw me as fit and active and NOT in need and pretty much said “you can walk and you can run….I would consider you a B+ outcome from your surgery.”
I am sure he thinks if I can run my pain must not be too bad. I am pretty sure that my pain is worse than most people would run with.
This is a huge disappointment as I was so hopeful that there might be something else that could be done so I am not constantly hobbling and wearing only my most comfortable shoes. In March I am headed to Italy on vacation and I know I will be doing tons of walking so I am already dreading the pain and stressing over which shoes will be best.
The only thing the foot doctor did was refer me to a company that makes custom orthotics for about $225 a pair. I am pretty sure that their pricey inserts will not be any better than my $25 home made ones so I will probably not follow up on getting them. The old doctor made me some too and they were no help at all and I was bold enough to return them and they were kind enough to refund my money. This new orthotics company assured me there was no return policy if they did not work.
Well, I followed up on one of my New Year’s resolutions! Good for me. It turned out to be a waste of time and money, bummer. But at least I tried.
P.S. The foot doctor also suggested I buy more orthopedic type shoes……..yuck!
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