When you have 4 kids, you have a lot of appointments!
This morning, I rounded up the girls and put them in the car. I took the toddler to daycare and the teen to her dad’s house. I went into to work to check my planner for the times of all the appointments that I had forgotten to check before I left work yesterday. I actually told my boss that I would just take a vacation day so I would not have to feel guilty for being gone more than I was at work.
First stop was the orthodontist. Ramone gets her braces off next week so this week they want to make a mold so they can make her retainers. As soon as she was done, she started to nag me for breakfast. I directed her to my glove box where I keep many a portable snack for just such an emergency. She wanted no part of my glove box goodies…….I think she wanted me to take her to Waffle House or something more exotic, but I am feeling broke so NO MORE EATING OUT!
I then went to Target, dashed in while she waited in the car (her choice) and purchased a 12 pack of Coke Zero, some hair color and some sugar free drink mix.
As I drove Ramone home, I tried to locate Monster since he had a dentist appointment at 10:15. It was now ten to ten and the boy was not answering his phone. I tried again, still no answer, mommy is getting angry now. At their dad’s house I found the boy fast asleep. I woke him up and barked orders in the hopes we could still manage to get to the dentist on time. I found out he had skipped football practice as well, slept right through it. I told him to not even bother to ask me to give his coach an excuse. After I checked him in at the dentist, I waited until they called him back and then I left.
I decided to grab some lunch and go home and read for a bit. This was the part of the day where I would steal a few minutes for myself. I went to New York Deli and got a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich. They are $7 each, but worth it…….num, num, num. I drove home and ate my sandwich with a diet coke and read my book for a while. The house was quiet except for a pesky fly that had snuck in and I really enjoyed my down time. I even took a short nap.
At 1 p.m. I got ready and headed out to pick up the boy for yet another appointment. He needed a school physical which is an annual requirement for kids who play sports. In the car he told me the dentist advised him that he needed 4 cavities filled and he needed his wisdom teeth removed. Can you see the $$ signs flying out the window!?!
I sat around the doctor’s office just in case I was needed to pay or sign a form, but no one ever asked me to do a thing. The boy came out with his form in hand and I took it from him before he could lose it.
Next stop was the tire store because the boys front tires are slick a Kojak's head. We found the lot to be fairly empty and the bays to be completely empty so we thought we would breeze in and out of the place. But once inside we found a line of people all looking frustrated and some rather incompetent folks in red shirts running around accomplishing nothing. After watching this scene for about 20 minutes and no one ever getting their business completed, we left and agreed to just go to Wal-Mart some other day.
By now it was about 3 o’clock so I went into the office to be sure everything was cool for payroll, month end, etc. (and to write this blog entry)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Good Husband / Bad Diet
Last night I arrived at the gym to find my class had been cancelled. That makes me 0 for 3 for my last 3 scheduled weight lifting work outs. Not a good trend.
Then I decided to buy the kids some dinner since I did not have time to go home and eat before I took the older daughter to pottery class. I stopped for Chinese carry out thinking it would be wise to get something with vegetables in it.
I was totally regretting that decision when the bill ended up being $25. I can think of so many things I would rather spend $25 on! My budget has certainly taken a beating lately; Friday $30, Saturday $30, Sunday $130 and now Monday $25. That’s a lot of money in just a few days. Not the way I am accustomed to operating. All things I would normally not buy. And, to top it all off the food was not very good.
However, that did not stop me from consuming way more than my allotted calories for the day therefore ruining my diet plan for Monday. (Recently I put on a few extra pounds and I am desperate to get rid of it again. After all, it is bikini season.) I was very disappointed in my performance.
Back home, the husband arrived from his bike ride around eight p.m. and was in a good mood. We had a very pleasant family evening. The toddler was tired and cranky but the adults were in fine spirits. I felt good about the husband tonight.
Then I decided to buy the kids some dinner since I did not have time to go home and eat before I took the older daughter to pottery class. I stopped for Chinese carry out thinking it would be wise to get something with vegetables in it.
I was totally regretting that decision when the bill ended up being $25. I can think of so many things I would rather spend $25 on! My budget has certainly taken a beating lately; Friday $30, Saturday $30, Sunday $130 and now Monday $25. That’s a lot of money in just a few days. Not the way I am accustomed to operating. All things I would normally not buy. And, to top it all off the food was not very good.
However, that did not stop me from consuming way more than my allotted calories for the day therefore ruining my diet plan for Monday. (Recently I put on a few extra pounds and I am desperate to get rid of it again. After all, it is bikini season.) I was very disappointed in my performance.
Back home, the husband arrived from his bike ride around eight p.m. and was in a good mood. We had a very pleasant family evening. The toddler was tired and cranky but the adults were in fine spirits. I felt good about the husband tonight.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Feeling Alone
This morning I arrived at work ON TIME. Rare for me, I’m usually running late. Not because I am lazy or slow but because I over schedule. For example this morning on the way to work I went through the car wash and did some shopping at Wal-Mart.
Also, I remembered to bring a sweater.....good for me again. It is always too cold in the office. I sit by a space heater all morning so I am not suffering. The 50+ year old, overweight men always turn the AC down to like 70 degrees. At home we keep the house around 77 or 78. I will turn it down to 75 if I am cleaning or cooking or doing something physical. But, for just sitting still, I think 77 degrees is plenty cool in the summer time. Besides, I like to be acclimated to the season because it makes getting outside to work out a lot more pleasant.
Last weekend my husband and youngest daughter were out of town so I had a lot of time to myself which is very unusual. I certainly tried to make good use of my time. I went out to eat with friends. I visited 3 new establishments down town. I completed a 32 mile road ride with lots of hills and I also went for a mountain bike ride. I talked to Friss on the phone until the stupid prison phone system cut us off (they limit you to one hour). I even worked on my wedding photo album…..a project I started and never finished. Overall I had a good time doing whatever the heck I wanted mostly.
Then Sunday rolled around and the husband and toddler returned. The husband was tired and mostly wanted to nap. I dropped everything and played with the toddler a lot at first, but after a few hours I was running out of activities and she was not as interested in me any more either.
By dinner time I was bored and feeling trapped in my own home. You really can’t read or watch a movie or do much of anything interesting because the toddler will interrupt, demanding your attention every few minutes. So usually I kind of just hang around and watch TV (that I have no interest in at all) just because there is nothing else to do. I wanted to take her for a walk, but thanks to the sweltering, it’s almost July, heat our road is leaching out tar and way too gross to walk on. I tried to coax her out into the wading pool on the back deck but she wanted no part of it. I had already finished my laundry and cleaning and didn’t feel like doing any more cooking. I ate raw chocolate chip cookie does just because I was bored.
My husband chatted with me some when he first got home, but mostly he just wanted to rest or do his own chores. He is really not a very good companion and I am becoming more acutely aware of this every day. It dawned on me over the weekend that the way to describe him is not selfish……but self absorbed. He really just functions in his own world and rarely thinks of others. It is not intentional, he does not set out to do others wrong. He is an only child and a man and just not too keen on interacting with others.
So, in an odd twist, I was actually more bored and lonely when they came home. It is really kind of sad isn’t it?
This week, the high temperatures are not supposed to be above 90 so I am plotting to take the toddler to the pool after school tomorrow. That should be fun for both of us. I get out of the house and she gets to visit a new place.
Also, I remembered to bring a sweater.....good for me again. It is always too cold in the office. I sit by a space heater all morning so I am not suffering. The 50+ year old, overweight men always turn the AC down to like 70 degrees. At home we keep the house around 77 or 78. I will turn it down to 75 if I am cleaning or cooking or doing something physical. But, for just sitting still, I think 77 degrees is plenty cool in the summer time. Besides, I like to be acclimated to the season because it makes getting outside to work out a lot more pleasant.
Last weekend my husband and youngest daughter were out of town so I had a lot of time to myself which is very unusual. I certainly tried to make good use of my time. I went out to eat with friends. I visited 3 new establishments down town. I completed a 32 mile road ride with lots of hills and I also went for a mountain bike ride. I talked to Friss on the phone until the stupid prison phone system cut us off (they limit you to one hour). I even worked on my wedding photo album…..a project I started and never finished. Overall I had a good time doing whatever the heck I wanted mostly.
Then Sunday rolled around and the husband and toddler returned. The husband was tired and mostly wanted to nap. I dropped everything and played with the toddler a lot at first, but after a few hours I was running out of activities and she was not as interested in me any more either.
By dinner time I was bored and feeling trapped in my own home. You really can’t read or watch a movie or do much of anything interesting because the toddler will interrupt, demanding your attention every few minutes. So usually I kind of just hang around and watch TV (that I have no interest in at all) just because there is nothing else to do. I wanted to take her for a walk, but thanks to the sweltering, it’s almost July, heat our road is leaching out tar and way too gross to walk on. I tried to coax her out into the wading pool on the back deck but she wanted no part of it. I had already finished my laundry and cleaning and didn’t feel like doing any more cooking. I ate raw chocolate chip cookie does just because I was bored.
My husband chatted with me some when he first got home, but mostly he just wanted to rest or do his own chores. He is really not a very good companion and I am becoming more acutely aware of this every day. It dawned on me over the weekend that the way to describe him is not selfish……but self absorbed. He really just functions in his own world and rarely thinks of others. It is not intentional, he does not set out to do others wrong. He is an only child and a man and just not too keen on interacting with others.
So, in an odd twist, I was actually more bored and lonely when they came home. It is really kind of sad isn’t it?
This week, the high temperatures are not supposed to be above 90 so I am plotting to take the toddler to the pool after school tomorrow. That should be fun for both of us. I get out of the house and she gets to visit a new place.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
How I spent my Mini Vacation
When I left work on Friday I had no idea what I would be doing the rest of the evening. All week long I thought my husband and child would be home and they would leave at bed time so I had made no effort to round up an activity to keep me busy. I drove to the grocery store and purchased a bottle of my favorite wine and a cheap six pack. I wasn’t sure what I was in the mood for so I figured I had my basis covered and would be stocked for the whole weekend. As I left the grocery store I reflected how on a normal Friday ALL I wanted to do was to go home and relax with my family, but now that they were not there, I really had zero interest in going home. I got in the car and started to drive home when I realized I had a message on my phone. It was Julia and she was headed to Tellers for dinner and invited me along. Yippee, I now had something to do.
I did not want to drive all the way home, but I had a few minutes to kill and wanted to “freshen up” before I went downtown. I decided to drive to the kid’s house. It was only 5:15 and Zoe was away at a volleyball tournament so I assumed no one would be there. I pulled in the drive way, found my key, grabbed a beer and went in the front door. As I stood in the door way a rather startled ex husband appears around the corner carrying a laundry basket. He said “Well, hello” and I apologized profusely for just walking right into his house when he was home. He works at least 30 minutes away so I had no idea he would be there yet……he must have gotten off early. He said he would forgive me if I gave him a beer. So I dashed back to the car and happily passed him a cold one.
We sat in the front room and chatted for a bit sipping our beers. Every once in a while we have a really good conversation and this was one of those times. I lingered to enjoy the positive interaction. The ex is a super nice guy, and we never fight, but usually we are both busy and headed in separate directions and we don’t really interact much. After 20 minutes or more, Julia called wondering what was keeping me so I politely excused myself and drove to the restaurant.
Once there I found Julia with Patrick, Matt, Matt’s fiancé and a boy named Chris. Matt and Patrick are both Engineer geeks and I really do like them. The new guy Chris is a self employed custom cabinet maker. He was equally geeky as best I could tell. Matt’s fiancé was pretty cool too. We all had a few drinks with dinner and some really good conversations. I ordered a spinach salad for dinner and it was delicious.
After dinner, the boys all had things to do but Julia and I decided to go to Sparky’s and get ice cream. We walked down the side walk stopping to chat with people we knew as we ran into them. Sparky’s was super packed so we ended up walking all the way down at YoGoLuv which is a place I had never tried before. It is self serve soft serve yogurt that you top yourself and then pay by the pound at the checkout. I ate $4 worth of desert!
From there we wondered the streets down town some more as I ate my cold concoction. Again stopping and chatting with anyone we knew. This town is rather small so you can bet you will see someone you know when you are out and about. When we walked by the Brewery I told Julia I had never been there before. She insisted we pop in and check it out. She knows the owners and all the people that work there. It was really fun being a VIP customer. Around 9 we walked back to the car and then lingered on the sidewalk chatting in the comfortably cooler night air. I finally tore myself away to drive home around 10:30. I got in the car and saw that my husband had called so I called him back and woke him so he would know I was alive, having a good time and headed home. Staying out until 10:30 is really late for me!
Saturday morning my alarm went off at 4:45 am. I had not slept well since I am not used to being in bed alone or going to bed so late. I got up and stuffed my road bike in my trunk, let the chickens out and fed them and put on my new Etxeondo cycling jersey that I love so much (and got for way more than 50% off the original price). I met Terry at Dunn Bros. and we did a 32 mile road bike ride with lots of hills thrown in for good measure. We were wiped out by the time we got back.
Then, I got to go in the coffee shop and hang out instead of rushing home to relieve my husband of our toddler. This is a treat for me. AND, I ordered a blueberry muffin to eat which I would normally NEVER do since they are like 600 calories each. I gave Terry a third of my muffin and thoroughly enjoyed my decadent treat.
On the drive home I called my toddler at Grandma’s house and chatted on the phone with her. Of course she was thrilled to be at grandmas and not too concerned about me. She is pretty good at talking on the phone these days.
When I got home I pondered what to do next. I decided I might want to get a little nap in since I was WAY behind on my sleep. I watched some TV in bed but found I had drunk too much coffee to actually relax. I ate a ½ ham sandwich and loaded my mountain bike in the car and headed out to the state park. I figured since I was free to do anything I might as well do it all. I assumed that a leisurely lap would not be too hard on me since I was all amped up on caffeine anyway.
Once on the bike I found my legs to be more tired than I expected. The extra oomph needed to get over big roots and rocks was killing me. I kept riding for a while hoping I would warm up and feel better. Once I got down by the creek I was expecting a relaxing winding trip on level ground, but found instead that the trail has not been maintained. There were trees down and weeds up and it was just a great big mess. The weeds whipped my sweaty legs and stung like crazy. I had to carry my bike over downed trees at least 5 or 6 times. I was so disappointed that my favorite part of the trail was no fun at all. I finished a lap and then happily put the bike back in the car and drove home to drink some of my beer.
Around 4:30 my older daughter called and said she wanted to go out to dinner. I owed her a special birthday dinner and it was time to pay up. I showered and picked her up at 5:30 and we went downtown to a new sushi restaurant. We were not impressed. With time to kill I suggested we get some YoGoLuv and she was totally up for it. We got our frozen treat and then sat at the corner and chatted as we watched all the activities in the heart of downtown on a Saturday evening. After some time, she suggested that we go up to the Thai restaurant and say hi to Monster who was working. Great idea! So we walked up there and chatted with him as he sliced onions. Then we chatted with the owner; she is such a nice lady. I told her we tried the new place and it sucked. She was happy to hear it.
My husband called and told me he was still driving back from his boat race to his parent’s house so he would not make it home as planned. I figured this was probably going to happen so I was already expecting another night alone. Older daughter decided to spend the night at her dads and I went home assuming I would be so tired I would fall into a coma once I hit the pillow. But, instead, I waited up for the chickens to go to bed and then could NOT fall asleep. I tossed and turned and watched TV off and on until well after midnight when I finally did get some decent sleep.
Sunday morning I got up around 5:30 and made coffee and watched a little TV as I mulled over how I would spend my solitary morning. I phoned the husband at 7 and he said my toddler was still not awake and I suggested he just drive home at nap time. Friss called me around 7:30 and I talked to him as long as possible. They limit you to an hour so we were chatting away when a voice interrupts and says you only have one minute left. Geez………A five minute warning would be nice people.
Next I went to Wal-Mart for the weekly groceries. I spent $130 that I had not budgeted for. Husband is supposed to buy the groceries and I knew he would never pay me back. I was a bit aggravated that he was off doing a boat race and hanging with family and I was doing the work and paying his bills. I decided to just enjoy the peace and not think about it. But truly my wallet took a beating this weekend.
In the kitchen I cooked up a big pot of veggies with some elk meat for our weekly stew. Not caring what time it was I even drank a few glasses of wine as I puttered around in the house. I also had the wedding photo album all spread out on the kitchen table and was sticking pages together when there was a lull in my cooking activity.
Around noon I finished my kitchen projects and decided to try and take a nap. I knew I was way behind on my sleep. Again I lay down and just could not seem to doze off for long. At around two or so the husband and toddler arrived and I hugged my baby girl for the longest time.
I did not want to drive all the way home, but I had a few minutes to kill and wanted to “freshen up” before I went downtown. I decided to drive to the kid’s house. It was only 5:15 and Zoe was away at a volleyball tournament so I assumed no one would be there. I pulled in the drive way, found my key, grabbed a beer and went in the front door. As I stood in the door way a rather startled ex husband appears around the corner carrying a laundry basket. He said “Well, hello” and I apologized profusely for just walking right into his house when he was home. He works at least 30 minutes away so I had no idea he would be there yet……he must have gotten off early. He said he would forgive me if I gave him a beer. So I dashed back to the car and happily passed him a cold one.
We sat in the front room and chatted for a bit sipping our beers. Every once in a while we have a really good conversation and this was one of those times. I lingered to enjoy the positive interaction. The ex is a super nice guy, and we never fight, but usually we are both busy and headed in separate directions and we don’t really interact much. After 20 minutes or more, Julia called wondering what was keeping me so I politely excused myself and drove to the restaurant.
Once there I found Julia with Patrick, Matt, Matt’s fiancé and a boy named Chris. Matt and Patrick are both Engineer geeks and I really do like them. The new guy Chris is a self employed custom cabinet maker. He was equally geeky as best I could tell. Matt’s fiancé was pretty cool too. We all had a few drinks with dinner and some really good conversations. I ordered a spinach salad for dinner and it was delicious.
After dinner, the boys all had things to do but Julia and I decided to go to Sparky’s and get ice cream. We walked down the side walk stopping to chat with people we knew as we ran into them. Sparky’s was super packed so we ended up walking all the way down at YoGoLuv which is a place I had never tried before. It is self serve soft serve yogurt that you top yourself and then pay by the pound at the checkout. I ate $4 worth of desert!
From there we wondered the streets down town some more as I ate my cold concoction. Again stopping and chatting with anyone we knew. This town is rather small so you can bet you will see someone you know when you are out and about. When we walked by the Brewery I told Julia I had never been there before. She insisted we pop in and check it out. She knows the owners and all the people that work there. It was really fun being a VIP customer. Around 9 we walked back to the car and then lingered on the sidewalk chatting in the comfortably cooler night air. I finally tore myself away to drive home around 10:30. I got in the car and saw that my husband had called so I called him back and woke him so he would know I was alive, having a good time and headed home. Staying out until 10:30 is really late for me!
Saturday morning my alarm went off at 4:45 am. I had not slept well since I am not used to being in bed alone or going to bed so late. I got up and stuffed my road bike in my trunk, let the chickens out and fed them and put on my new Etxeondo cycling jersey that I love so much (and got for way more than 50% off the original price). I met Terry at Dunn Bros. and we did a 32 mile road bike ride with lots of hills thrown in for good measure. We were wiped out by the time we got back.
Then, I got to go in the coffee shop and hang out instead of rushing home to relieve my husband of our toddler. This is a treat for me. AND, I ordered a blueberry muffin to eat which I would normally NEVER do since they are like 600 calories each. I gave Terry a third of my muffin and thoroughly enjoyed my decadent treat.
On the drive home I called my toddler at Grandma’s house and chatted on the phone with her. Of course she was thrilled to be at grandmas and not too concerned about me. She is pretty good at talking on the phone these days.
When I got home I pondered what to do next. I decided I might want to get a little nap in since I was WAY behind on my sleep. I watched some TV in bed but found I had drunk too much coffee to actually relax. I ate a ½ ham sandwich and loaded my mountain bike in the car and headed out to the state park. I figured since I was free to do anything I might as well do it all. I assumed that a leisurely lap would not be too hard on me since I was all amped up on caffeine anyway.
Once on the bike I found my legs to be more tired than I expected. The extra oomph needed to get over big roots and rocks was killing me. I kept riding for a while hoping I would warm up and feel better. Once I got down by the creek I was expecting a relaxing winding trip on level ground, but found instead that the trail has not been maintained. There were trees down and weeds up and it was just a great big mess. The weeds whipped my sweaty legs and stung like crazy. I had to carry my bike over downed trees at least 5 or 6 times. I was so disappointed that my favorite part of the trail was no fun at all. I finished a lap and then happily put the bike back in the car and drove home to drink some of my beer.
Around 4:30 my older daughter called and said she wanted to go out to dinner. I owed her a special birthday dinner and it was time to pay up. I showered and picked her up at 5:30 and we went downtown to a new sushi restaurant. We were not impressed. With time to kill I suggested we get some YoGoLuv and she was totally up for it. We got our frozen treat and then sat at the corner and chatted as we watched all the activities in the heart of downtown on a Saturday evening. After some time, she suggested that we go up to the Thai restaurant and say hi to Monster who was working. Great idea! So we walked up there and chatted with him as he sliced onions. Then we chatted with the owner; she is such a nice lady. I told her we tried the new place and it sucked. She was happy to hear it.
My husband called and told me he was still driving back from his boat race to his parent’s house so he would not make it home as planned. I figured this was probably going to happen so I was already expecting another night alone. Older daughter decided to spend the night at her dads and I went home assuming I would be so tired I would fall into a coma once I hit the pillow. But, instead, I waited up for the chickens to go to bed and then could NOT fall asleep. I tossed and turned and watched TV off and on until well after midnight when I finally did get some decent sleep.
Sunday morning I got up around 5:30 and made coffee and watched a little TV as I mulled over how I would spend my solitary morning. I phoned the husband at 7 and he said my toddler was still not awake and I suggested he just drive home at nap time. Friss called me around 7:30 and I talked to him as long as possible. They limit you to an hour so we were chatting away when a voice interrupts and says you only have one minute left. Geez………A five minute warning would be nice people.
Next I went to Wal-Mart for the weekly groceries. I spent $130 that I had not budgeted for. Husband is supposed to buy the groceries and I knew he would never pay me back. I was a bit aggravated that he was off doing a boat race and hanging with family and I was doing the work and paying his bills. I decided to just enjoy the peace and not think about it. But truly my wallet took a beating this weekend.
In the kitchen I cooked up a big pot of veggies with some elk meat for our weekly stew. Not caring what time it was I even drank a few glasses of wine as I puttered around in the house. I also had the wedding photo album all spread out on the kitchen table and was sticking pages together when there was a lull in my cooking activity.
Around noon I finished my kitchen projects and decided to try and take a nap. I knew I was way behind on my sleep. Again I lay down and just could not seem to doze off for long. At around two or so the husband and toddler arrived and I hugged my baby girl for the longest time.
Friday, June 25, 2010
The Goal
The goal……..daily postings.
The plan…….post daily the WHOLE month of July……but starting today; so a bonus of a few extra days. I decided it would be interesting to post daily for a while and see what kind of thoughts I generate day to day. You know…….see if there’s a pattern over time.
(I generally don't have PC access at home so I may not be posting on the weekends.)
The plan…….post daily the WHOLE month of July……but starting today; so a bonus of a few extra days. I decided it would be interesting to post daily for a while and see what kind of thoughts I generate day to day. You know…….see if there’s a pattern over time.
(I generally don't have PC access at home so I may not be posting on the weekends.)
Thursday, June 24, 2010
My Fantasy Life
The other day I was fantasizing about what my life might have been like if I had not had children; not had any at all.
In real life, I have ALWAYS had children. My whole darn life! I had my first child when I was only 16 years old…….crazy I know. I suppose I was looking for a way out of my dysfunctional home. Of course, when you are 16 you don’t really understand all that. Later, when I was 30 and thought I was happily married and all grown up, I had two more children, on purpose! Not long after I realized that I still had no idea what I was doing; that I was not grown up nor happily married. We were divorced when the youngest was only one. Then God intervened when I was 40 years old and gave me one last shot at motherhood. I am still not sure if it is a blessing or a curse. My youngest daughter is now two and a half years old and quit a handful. I love her, but I certainly long for some time for myself; I fantasize about relaxing, reading or just going on a simple vacation.
I think children offer a lot in life, but they cost a lot too. It is a trade off most people are willing to make. It is a trade off that I never really made a conscious decision about. I certainly love my children and don’t know who I would really be without them. But it is fun to think about.
I think that you can have a great and fulfilling life without having children and I totally respect and understand people who choose to not be parents for one reason or another. What would I do if that were my choice........well let’s think about that. (Queue the dreamy music)
First, I would go to a cool university and study something I was passionate about. You know go live on campus in some exotic location like Palo Alto California or anywhere that is not in the mid-west. I think it would be so wonderful to live on campus and make a whole bunch of new intellectual friends. In my real life, I went to night school which is not a good place to make new friends; it is just a bunch of tired working stiffs and family men/women busting ass to get by in life. I would enroll in classes that I enjoyed even if they served no practical purpose in life. I could take writing courses knowing full well I suck at it but still enjoy learning about it. I would study what turned me on for the pure joy of it. In my real life I went to college to become an Accountant because I knew I had a natural aptitude for it and I figured the classes would be easy and it would ultimately land me a job to support my family. After all, I was a single parent raising a little boy and I had bills to pay. On the bright side, in my real life, I had most of my education paid for by tuition reimbursement from the company I was working for at the time which was certainly a blessing. I graduated debt free! And, since they paid 100% if I made an A in my class, I did just that…….I made straight As in college.
If I did not have kids, I would love to live in a great loft apartment in a trendy big city like San Francisco, Portland or New York; all places that are too expensive if you have kids and must have 3 or 4 bedroom home. I could live in any old school district since I would not have to worry about crappy public schools or paying for private schools if I wanted my kids to have a decent education. I could decorate this luxurious loft apartment with no regard for child safety or what my teens would be likely to destroy. Oh the freedom I would have!
Of course, I would be married to a wonderful man and we would do everything together. He would be my best friend and we would share everything. We would host lovely dinner parties and have tons of intelligent and exciting friends. We would know the guy that owned the coffee shop, the women who ran the art gallery and all the local significants. In my real life I hardly get out of the house because taking kids out is just more work than it’s worth.
In my fantasy life my husband I could have sex in any room of the house at any time that it felt right. No more longing for the child to go to bed so we can have “grown up” time only to realize we are way too tired to do anything other than fall into bed and drift off to sleep.
My fantasy husband and I would take many amazing vacations. We would tour the castles of Europe, drink in all the pubs of Ireland, ski in Switzerland. We could even go visit Eden in Australia! We would write a bucket list together and both make sure that we always managed to do something on our list. In my real life, I have not had a vacation since I became pregnant over 3 years ago and it is killing me. I sooooo need a vacation. Traveling is one of my all time favorite things in the world to do. And a good trip just seems to regenerate me and make me feel like a stronger, better and more creative individual.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Dogs have built in GPS!!
So last Monday night, my dog, who has not been my favorite for a while now, tried to kill another one of our chickens. She actually went into the fenced yard, into the hen house and plucked the big cream colored Buff Orpington from her box where she was quietly sitting, minding her own business. Luckily my husband stopped the murder in process before the chicken was seriously hurt. The chicken was obviously upset and has not been laying since, but she was not physically injured as far as we can tell although she lost a lot of feathers.
About 3 months ago, the same dog, killed all 14 of our young chickens we had been hand raising for months. She murdered every last one of them while we were not home. We came home to find dead corpses strewn all over the back yard. Many of the dead were in the hen house where they, no doubt, had gone looking for safety. The dog did not eat them or play with the bodies. At the time, I was so upset by the whole disastrous scene that I wanted to kill the dog with my bare hands, but my husband encouraged me not to do so. He said “there has been enough death for one day.” I knew he was right and I knew I was just blowing smoke about actually killing my dog.
We considered what to and decided not to get rid of the dog, but to just keep her separate from the hens and see if that would work. I knew the she would not be so happy being outcast, but I saw no other choice at that point. We also purchased some full grown replacement hen’s which turned out to be nice since they are producing eggs already.
Since then the dog had been living on the front porch mostly. She was banished from indoors since a dog running loose rolls in dead things and stinks so bad. I am sure she was not happy with her new living arrangement; but at the same time, I figured I was being nice to her by feeding her, giving her her twice weekly medication, regular vet care, shots, and flea and tick control. I would have tried to find her a new home, but I assumed no one else would want her since she does require regular medication for bladder control.
After last Monday, I knew there would be no more keeping her and I thought about what to do. I called the human society and they told me they would put her to sleep for $20. Problem was I would have to bring her in after 4:30 which left me concerned that I could be late picking up the toddler after school. Besides, getting out of work early lately is a bit touchy. So, I decided to just haul her ass way out in the country and let her go. I figure she might find a nice farm family to feed her and get a few more years of life that way. I knew that it was possible that she may get struck by a car and die in the ditch, but that is a risk she was already running at our house, since she was not penned up. I just decided that ditching her in the country was sort of a win win. She might get to live and I did not have to actually go through with the humane society plan.
Now, this morning, my husband called to say that the dog had reappeared at the house some 6 days after I dropped her on a distant country road. This is unfortunate because I had told everyone I actually took her to the human society…….even my husband. So add to my problems the fact that he is angry with me for lying to him.
Crazy thing is, the dog was dropped off some 30 miles away. How the hell did she find her way back to our house? It is like some wacked out movie or crazy tail you here. I am in complete disbelief! And to take it a step farther, I am angry…….I am angry that this did not work out how I had hoped and now I really will have to kill her. I wanted her to make a new life, not find her way home so I could get rid of her again!!
I mean really, it is sort of a cruel joke on me……isn’t it?
About 3 months ago, the same dog, killed all 14 of our young chickens we had been hand raising for months. She murdered every last one of them while we were not home. We came home to find dead corpses strewn all over the back yard. Many of the dead were in the hen house where they, no doubt, had gone looking for safety. The dog did not eat them or play with the bodies. At the time, I was so upset by the whole disastrous scene that I wanted to kill the dog with my bare hands, but my husband encouraged me not to do so. He said “there has been enough death for one day.” I knew he was right and I knew I was just blowing smoke about actually killing my dog.
We considered what to and decided not to get rid of the dog, but to just keep her separate from the hens and see if that would work. I knew the she would not be so happy being outcast, but I saw no other choice at that point. We also purchased some full grown replacement hen’s which turned out to be nice since they are producing eggs already.
Since then the dog had been living on the front porch mostly. She was banished from indoors since a dog running loose rolls in dead things and stinks so bad. I am sure she was not happy with her new living arrangement; but at the same time, I figured I was being nice to her by feeding her, giving her her twice weekly medication, regular vet care, shots, and flea and tick control. I would have tried to find her a new home, but I assumed no one else would want her since she does require regular medication for bladder control.
After last Monday, I knew there would be no more keeping her and I thought about what to do. I called the human society and they told me they would put her to sleep for $20. Problem was I would have to bring her in after 4:30 which left me concerned that I could be late picking up the toddler after school. Besides, getting out of work early lately is a bit touchy. So, I decided to just haul her ass way out in the country and let her go. I figure she might find a nice farm family to feed her and get a few more years of life that way. I knew that it was possible that she may get struck by a car and die in the ditch, but that is a risk she was already running at our house, since she was not penned up. I just decided that ditching her in the country was sort of a win win. She might get to live and I did not have to actually go through with the humane society plan.
Now, this morning, my husband called to say that the dog had reappeared at the house some 6 days after I dropped her on a distant country road. This is unfortunate because I had told everyone I actually took her to the human society…….even my husband. So add to my problems the fact that he is angry with me for lying to him.
Crazy thing is, the dog was dropped off some 30 miles away. How the hell did she find her way back to our house? It is like some wacked out movie or crazy tail you here. I am in complete disbelief! And to take it a step farther, I am angry…….I am angry that this did not work out how I had hoped and now I really will have to kill her. I wanted her to make a new life, not find her way home so I could get rid of her again!!
I mean really, it is sort of a cruel joke on me……isn’t it?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Another quote I Love
"Do you live to eat or eat to live?"
I had a college professor named Tom Dent who used to say this all the time as he would eat a can of tuna and an apple for lunch. He was a super neat guy!
I had a college professor named Tom Dent who used to say this all the time as he would eat a can of tuna and an apple for lunch. He was a super neat guy!
Friday, June 11, 2010
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"My dad always said it was harder to raise a NICE person than a smart one!"
I love this post that a friend of mine on Facebook posted to my wall.
I love this post that a friend of mine on Facebook posted to my wall.
Friday, June 4, 2010
My Horoscope
This just popped up on my home page and I really like it.
"You need to let someone off the hook, and you might find that in the process, you stop demanding perfection from yourself as well. It could mean a huge sigh of relief from everyone involved! It's much nicer to give yourself and your people the freedom to be imperfect. This makes your relationships much easier, but you might also discover that it gives you more room to grow. "
"You need to let someone off the hook, and you might find that in the process, you stop demanding perfection from yourself as well. It could mean a huge sigh of relief from everyone involved! It's much nicer to give yourself and your people the freedom to be imperfect. This makes your relationships much easier, but you might also discover that it gives you more room to grow. "
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Cycling IS Therapy
Last week, my husband rode his bike to work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday! On one of these days, he took the long way home which made his commute 2 hours long. He came in the house with a big smile on his face obviously feeling very happy. He proclaimed out loud that he “loves me so much more when he can ride his bike!” I was thrilled to see him so chipper.
Later in the evening I decided to ask more questions to better understand what he meant by his boisterous comment. He told me that he has to get his aggressions out to be happy and at peace. That cycling is where he can exercise his demons; that it is his much needed therapy. To a certain extent I can totally relate because cycling is good for my mental state as well.
It is true; when he does not get to work out, be it running, cycling or lifting, he is a moody, depressive person. He manifests these negative moods by not speaking to me, avoiding me and sending out a general negative vibe if I try to interact with him. If he does get to do his favorite things…..have his “me time” he is generally a pretty nice and agreeable person to live with.
So to sum it up, if he doesn’t get to have his fun time and do what he wants, he is mean and rotten to anyone who gets in his path. Thinking about this harder, I begin to feel like a hostage that has no choice. Either give him his way or pay the price!
This would all be a little bit easier to swallow except, if he bikes to work, I am solely responsible for transporting our toddler to and from school. So there is a lot more pressure on me to take responsibility for our daughter so he can do what makes him happy. (Guess who has way more than 50% of the responsibility!?!?!)
And don’t think I get equal time at a later date. I get my “me time” from 5:15 to 6:45 in the morning two, sometimes three days a week when I get to go for a run. She is generally still sleeping for most of the hour and a half he is “babysitting”. The rest of the day he is pretty much free to do anything he wants to.
Another element of this whole discussion is this; when I walk in the room after being gone, I don’t know what kind of a mood I will find him in. I never know if he will be a nice, normal person or a sulky, negative person who hates to interact. Generally, if he does pick up our daughter from day care so I can do something after work, when I arrive home I get the negative guy which pretty much ruins my evening. Usually I see the negative guy at least once a week or more. Sometimes he even changes moods for no reason that I can see in the middle of the evening. (I generally attribute this to just being tired.)
Not knowing what mood you will find him in gets old. And, try as hard as I will to not take it personally, it is really hard not to. When your significant other treats you like they are mad at you it is hard to just ignore it and wait for it to pass. And, if I try to discuss the situation with him when he is grumpy, I get met with his full on negativity. Mostly he tells me it is him, not me and I should not worry about it. But I still can’t help but wonder why he is in a bad mood because I usually don’t act angry at someone unless something in my head has triggered the mood. So, I assume he got triggered and I want to know why.
Another comment he loves to throw around is that he is so much better now than he has ever been before and he doesn’t think he is that moody anymore; that his ex wife had it so much worse, etc. etc. He will also tell me that the best way for me to respond is to ignore his mood and it will pass. He always assures me that I make him very happy and that everything is good and fine.
Later in the evening I decided to ask more questions to better understand what he meant by his boisterous comment. He told me that he has to get his aggressions out to be happy and at peace. That cycling is where he can exercise his demons; that it is his much needed therapy. To a certain extent I can totally relate because cycling is good for my mental state as well.
It is true; when he does not get to work out, be it running, cycling or lifting, he is a moody, depressive person. He manifests these negative moods by not speaking to me, avoiding me and sending out a general negative vibe if I try to interact with him. If he does get to do his favorite things…..have his “me time” he is generally a pretty nice and agreeable person to live with.
So to sum it up, if he doesn’t get to have his fun time and do what he wants, he is mean and rotten to anyone who gets in his path. Thinking about this harder, I begin to feel like a hostage that has no choice. Either give him his way or pay the price!
This would all be a little bit easier to swallow except, if he bikes to work, I am solely responsible for transporting our toddler to and from school. So there is a lot more pressure on me to take responsibility for our daughter so he can do what makes him happy. (Guess who has way more than 50% of the responsibility!?!?!)
And don’t think I get equal time at a later date. I get my “me time” from 5:15 to 6:45 in the morning two, sometimes three days a week when I get to go for a run. She is generally still sleeping for most of the hour and a half he is “babysitting”. The rest of the day he is pretty much free to do anything he wants to.
Another element of this whole discussion is this; when I walk in the room after being gone, I don’t know what kind of a mood I will find him in. I never know if he will be a nice, normal person or a sulky, negative person who hates to interact. Generally, if he does pick up our daughter from day care so I can do something after work, when I arrive home I get the negative guy which pretty much ruins my evening. Usually I see the negative guy at least once a week or more. Sometimes he even changes moods for no reason that I can see in the middle of the evening. (I generally attribute this to just being tired.)
Not knowing what mood you will find him in gets old. And, try as hard as I will to not take it personally, it is really hard not to. When your significant other treats you like they are mad at you it is hard to just ignore it and wait for it to pass. And, if I try to discuss the situation with him when he is grumpy, I get met with his full on negativity. Mostly he tells me it is him, not me and I should not worry about it. But I still can’t help but wonder why he is in a bad mood because I usually don’t act angry at someone unless something in my head has triggered the mood. So, I assume he got triggered and I want to know why.
Another comment he loves to throw around is that he is so much better now than he has ever been before and he doesn’t think he is that moody anymore; that his ex wife had it so much worse, etc. etc. He will also tell me that the best way for me to respond is to ignore his mood and it will pass. He always assures me that I make him very happy and that everything is good and fine.
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