Missing Out on Nice Weather

What an amazing fall we have had.  I can't remember the last time we had so much beautiful weather.  It makes me wish I didn't have so much work to do so I could get outside and ride my bike more.

This spring Beanie got a new bicycle with gears and all.  She was very excited when she received it and we did some fun bike rides.  But that didn't last long and she started being very negative every time we wanted her to go for a ride with us.  The fantasy that her father and I had of us taking leisurely fun family bike rides together was quickly fading.

Over the summer we forced her on a few rides all the while she complained incessantly that she was tired, itchy, had a head ache, etc. etc.  It was so draining.

Then a few weeks ago her father announced that whether she liked it or not we were going to get out on our bikes and enjoy this amazing fall weather.  As we all three drove to the trail head she bitched up a storm in the back seat.  JDK and I just maintained a happy attitude and forged ahead hoping that she would get tired of complaining.  She then managed to continue to gripe, acting miserable for fully three quarters of a 7.5 mile slow bike ride on the flat pedestrian trail that our city so dearly loves.  At some point JDK lost his chipper smile and started to get angry. I can't blame him, she is ridiculous and eventually it suck the joy right out of you.

Last week we decided to try tennis.  She did go out and participate after minimal complaining so we had a good time.  We usually offer her a variety of outside activities but (probably much like most of today's youth) getting outside and using her body is just not something that she enjoys.  All she wants to do is play on her tablet or watch TV.

We don't do this to her because we are selfish or want to torture her; we just want her to be a happy, healthy, active person.  Also, in the past year or so she has gotten a bit chubby because she does love to eat.  I don't want her to battle weight issues her whole life like so many people do.  I want to model good behavior and show her how to take care of herself properly.

Last night I got done working at 5 pm and stepped out front to let the dogs go potty.  The weather was amazing so I told Beanie we were all going to go for a nice long walk around the neighborhood.  I gave her one dog and I took the other and we started down the sidewalk.  The bitching started immediately but I wanted to be outside so badly that I told her she was going and it wasn't negotiable.  She ratcheted up the complaining and I walked ahead of her as Olive tugged my arm off.  And then I snapped.  I just couldn't stomach the thought of spending the next 45 minutes with a dog that can't properly walk on a leash and a kid that is bound and determined to make my life miserable at all costs.  I knew she wouldn't settle down and change her mind.   I knew she would just harp at me the whole time about how much she hated walking.  I knew that what I wanted to be a pleasurable activity was going to be a miserable drudge.  So, less than a block from home, we turned around and went home.  I told her she would have to go to bed but then I remembered she still had homework to do.  We got home and I ordered her to do her homework and then I just sat there feeling like a prisoner of her crappy mood.

I can't tell you how sick I am of her complaining and how tired I am of trying to be happy and positive all the while people are complaining at me and treating me like crap.  I want to enjoy my life but it seems like the world conspires to make it a constant uphill battle.

I don't want to sit here and wish away her youth, but I can't help but think that in just a few more years I will have a lot more freedom to just go for a walk and leave her home alone if she doesn't want to go.  But really why can't we have fun as a family doing healthy activities?  Why can't she participate and be pleasant?  I would like to have fun with her and enjoy her company! I wish I was smart enough to manipulate her instead of her manipulating me.  It is so frustrating!

I have just 30 minutes to type!

Just a quick update before I start working.  Been too long since I last blogged!

My new laptop arrived way before I expected it.  Yippy

The new job, for the sandwich shop (Gourmet Café), is going well.  I work from home which is, for the most part, totally awesome.  I love the efficiency of it on both a personal and professional level.  The company is saving a lot of money by not paying for office space and the insurance, utilities etc. for an office.  I can drop my kid off at school and come home and get right to work.  I don't need to get dressed or drive anywhere; what a time saver.  I also save the cost of gas. And, if I am to be perfectly honest, I like being home alone and not having all the stress of relating to coworkers, attending meetings, etc.  Also, it is pretty cool to take a quick break and throw in a load of laundry or something like that.  So efficient.  The only draw back would be that sometimes it is a little harder to communicate with co-workers.  But mostly we can figure things out via email, text or phone.  And if I need to I can go over to Tara's house (the girl who is training me) and work with her in person.

It is however keeping me very busy....there is plenty of work to do and things to learn!

I am still helping out part time at the construction company too.  So now I am feeling a little pressed to make it up to their office and get my work done for them.  Not a big deal though.

Oh...and the pay is pretty good.  I was super happy to see my first check.  I still can't believe I am managing to cobble together enough money to pay all my bills!  Insurance is still an issue that I will have to deal with soon though.  Bummer.

I keep in touch with some co-workers at the bus depot and this week things are really terrible there.  Looks like 2 of the office staff are going to just up and quit. SOOOOO glad I got out of there!

JDK and I have had a few bad days lately.  But ultimately we are talking things through and BOTH being very conscious of it when we feel old bad habits creeping in.  He is totally making an effort to do better and make things happy and healthy for all of us.  That is all I ever wanted from him.  I am 99% confident that we can figure it all out and have a good life together.

I really want to blog in more detail about all the interpersonal stuff we are going through and how we are dealing with it all.  I promise I will make time for it....just not today.

The weekend in Little Rock was great. I actually won 3rd place in my age group.  Being old has it's benefits.  But most of all it was so wonderful to spend some time with Stina.  Man I miss her!!!!  Husband was a bit moody but did all the driving which was very much appreciated.  I hate to drive and my legs would have totally ceased up if I had to drive back after running 13.2 miles as out of shape as I am.  Husband also brought a book on tape along that we listened to in the car.  That really helped pass the time on the approximately 6 hour drive each way.

Friss is doing awesome.  But they changed how you can put $ on his phone account so now I am realizing that I spend about $40 a month to talk to him on the phone.  I am happy to do it for him, but really it is like robbery making me pay that much for phone calls.  The system stinks.  We are also working on getting him transferred to a different camp.  The one he is at now has to be the worst in the state so hopefully we can get him out of there soon.

Monster is still in the basement but he is looking for a place to move to.  I told him I plan to sell the house so he is working on his next move.  Nina's dog is still here which is not ideal but Monster has been doing a better job of being home and taking care of the dogs.  AND he doesn't let them upstairs.  Yeah.

I called CenturyLink to see if I could move my internet service to JDK's house since I want to move back up there sometime in the next few months.  Transferring the service is not a big deal but the fiber optic cable that they put to his house is not up and running yet so I can't move yet.  Hopefully soon they will get it functional and I can move.  I sure hope that it isn't 6 months or something ridiculous like that.  I need internet to work and I want to get this house on the market early next spring!

BUSY!

I just ordered my new laptop for my new job with the Gourmet Café.  I am really optimistic that this may be a good long term fit for me.  The stupid computer, however, won't be here for at least a week which is a little stressful.  The price was so good I couldn't pass it up so I am going to have to make do until it arrives.

Today I am headed in to the Bus Depot for my last day.  Really excited to just be done with the place.

Yesterday I worked at the Construction company and updated / fixed their cash forecast spreadsheet.  I have to brag that it turned out fantastic and I really enjoyed the project.

Tomorrow we leave for a family trip to Little Rock Arkansas where on Sunday I will run a half marathon with my old running buddy Stina.  I am really excited to see her and have a little vacation. 

Tonight Beanie has swim lessons but I have arranged a ride for her.  I also need to get dog food and pick up a prescription and start packing for the trip.

Lots of good things happening!!

Sleep

Why the hell would I be up this early on a Saturday morning after not getting much sleep at all last night?  Well the main reason is because I had to come back to my house to let the kid's dogs out to pee. That's right Monster went out of town with his janky ex-girlfriend to go camping.  They're not back together, they're still broke up, but they planned this trip for a long time and they're meeting friends so I got stuck dog sitting.  On top of that, Nina was out of town all last week at her new job and the boy could hardly be bothered to come home and let the dogs out so I did it a few times in the hopes they wouldn't shit all over my basement.  I don't think he slept here even one single night.  I am not happy at all with how they don't take care of their dogs!

Tonight is Beanie's birthday party at her dad's house so I'm going to have ten little girls sleeping over to supervise.  So probably no sleep tonight either.  UGH
Oh and I will have to come back here again to let the dogs out again all weekend.  GRRRR

Yesterday was a busy day.  I ran errands and got tons done before I went to my class at the gym at 11.  After that I went into work and spent all afternoon working on a huge spreadsheet that forecasts our cash flow.  It was fun but it was mentally taxing.  After work I grabbed a beer with a few friends and then came home to let the dogs out.  Next I went to Hubby's house where we continued to prepare for the birthday party.  By the time we hit the bed around 9 p.m. I was exhausted and fell asleep before husband could get his beloved sex.

I woke up a couple of times to go pee, cause stupid beer does that to you and then later husband kept waking up and getting up and making noise in the kitchen and then he let Olive in and she was snoring at one point and it sounded like a little girl wining so I had to wake up enough to figure out I was just hearing the dog.  Around 3:30 the flickering lights of the TV in the living room were shining in the window and that woke me up.  So basically I was awake a lot but even worse I got woke up OVER and OVER again all night long.  I asked him why he couldn't sleep and he didn't have a good answer.  I finally decided that I would have sex with him if it would settle him down but he fell sound asleep the minute he climbed back in bed. 

The sex thing drives me crazy.  Basically if he gets sex every day he is the happiest guy alive.  So sweet so loving.  But if he doesn't he gets moody and quiet.  I HATE when he is moody and quiet and it certainly doesn't make me feel MORE like having sex.  And although no contract has been written....he pretty much expects to make love when we go to bed and if we are too tired for that then he expects it the next morning.  He would certainly be happy if we could do it every morning AND every night but there is no way in hell I could muster up that much enthusiasm for the activity.  Don't get me wrong, I like it and I am more than happy to participate knowing how much it means to him but GOSH it just feels like a never ending chore / expectation.  It is worse than dishes or laundry.....it is always hanging over my head. 

The only thing worse than not sleeping is getting woke up constantly.  I feel like total crap now and I need to get out and do my long run. 

Oh and the drive home this morning from Hubby's house was adventuresome; first there was a raccoon in the road I had to go around then I saw at least 5 deer in the middle of the road.  Imagine 10 glowing eyeballs all looking at your head lights.  They scattered as I got closer.  Farther up the road a kitty darted off the road and finally near my house something scuttled across the street in front of me and I have no idea what it was.  It looked like a bird but moved like a lizard and quit frankly it was dark and I am tired and we will never know what the heck it was.

Seriously I am exhausted and my whole body aches.  BUT....I better go get dressed and hit the road.  I hate running in the daylight!