On July 4th, my 16 year old daughter totaled her car. The wreck was not that bad, the car is just not worth that much. I was not shocked or upset when this happened as I fully expected it from her. This is why she was driving the worthless car! Ramone is a dreamer with her head in the clouds. She is not a responsible mature teen.
The following day I just had to get my car washed because it had been filthy for days if not weeks. At my house, the spray nozzle for the hose was broken and the sponge was left wet in the wash bucket to mold (thanks to my husband) so I had no choice but to head to the car wash.
At the car wash, I asked the little attendant girl if it would be OK to go though the wash with my bike rack on the back of my car. (I can’t get it off and did not want to wait for the husband to do it at his leisure.) She assured me it was no big deal. At the same time, there are signs all over the place that say they are not responsible for damage to your car if you have modified it or have things sticking off it.
So I proceeded into the wash and when I pulled out the other end I went to see how the back of my car was and found the rack was down and my car bumper was gouged up. Obviously a piece of equipment attached to the round brush had rubbed on it. It made my stomach churn and I stood there stunned. I actually thought “wow, I bet it will cost $500 to fix that!” (Later that was confirmed at the body shop.)
I quickly went to the booth and told the girl who didn’t even really apologize. She just repeated “I don’t know what to tell you.” Or something like that. I told her more than once to not let the next person with a rear rack drive in there. I guess they got paid so they don’t care.
I dried the car and inspected the rack and it seemed fine. As I drove off I called the husband and had a meltdown. I’ve just had WAY too much bad luck in the car department lately. He was sweet and supportive and assured me we would get it fixed. I felt a bit better………a very small bit.
A few days later, Ramone took one look at it and told me I was bat shit crazy if I wasted $500 fixing the bumper. That it didn’t look that bad and it would not rust and there was no reason to fix it.
At first I thought “she is just like her father, not caring if her belongings are torn up and trashy”. But, she got me to thinking……….really why do I want to fix it so badly? Why do I have the overwhelming urge to get it fixed as quickly as possible?
I stewed on the answer for a while and came up with this: I want to hide my mistake, take back my error, and make the ugly truth disappear. I want to turn back time and make everything back new again.
On a deeper level, does this not mirror how I feel about life? How I hate change, how I try to preserve things. How I want things to be perfect all the time…..unblemished. But really, is not the real world imperfect and blemished? Why can’t I accept that?
Why can’t I just exist and let things be as they are? Why do I have to try and control things all the time? It just leads to constant frustration. Why can’t I just except that things are fucked up in the world and move on. It won’t hurt me to leave my bumper looking like this. It makes no difference in anything important. I just need to except it and move on.
