The Tablet

His iPad is how I first found the evidence that proved beyond any doubt that he had sex with his 23 year old manager-in-training and that he was constantly texting her lovey dovey crap even though she has since moved all the way to Australia.

One of the first things I did when I found out, as I was crying and wondering about the house in horror, was go in the closet and hug his clothes.  I know that sounds weird but I thought he was leaving me and they would soon be gone.  Been there before and I know how it goes.  I get told they don't love me anymore and they move out as soon as they can find a couch to sleep on.  I come home and the closet is empty.

Then he threw me off with his 100% complete groveling and begging me to forgive him saying he couldn't bare to lose me, etc. etc.  He took all the blame!

I went back and forth on it day to day, hour to hour.  Should I give him another chance?

In his favor:
Other than this incident we have gotten along so well.
I do not want to move again.
Dating at 50 years old sucks!
I don't want to uproot the poor kid.
The OW is not even in the country.  It's not like he can sneak off to have sex with her.
I really don't want to work full time and pay ALL the bills myself.  He is willing to pay 2/3 of the bills.  This allows me more time for my family.
I like his friends and family.
I just moved into this house and I like it.  I have worked so hard on it.  I want to stay.
I mean at times it just seems silly to chuck the whole deal because he was foolish and got carried away with a young gal that we all know in the long run would NEVER work out.  He even knows that.

Against him:
You gotta wonder about his thought process.  I mean, how stupid was this crap?!
Will I ever really trust him again?
He keeps bitching and moaning that he hates his job yet has barely made an effort to get a new one.
He spends way too much time complaining that he is old, tired, broke down, sore, on and on.  It wears me out.  His testosterone test came back fine so THAT is not the issue.  Now I worry that he is just lazy and depressive.
Sex.......  Well he did get the pills so now we can now have sex but still sex seems all messed up now.  I can't forget that he got it up for HER!
He won't go get his shoulder fixed.  Simple surgery and it would be fine.  He says he is scared.
On some level this guy seems like a big baby these days!

Anyhow....I hadn't firmly decided anything but I was actually leaning towards giving him a chance and giving it all some time to "mellow" and then seeing how I felt.  I mean the simple solution is to basically pretend it didn't happen and get on with plan A; cautiously of course.

But, there was one problem that I couldn't get over.  The tablet.  On D-Day he took it with him when he went back to work.  For the next few days he didn't bring it in the house.  He left it in his truck.  Finally one day last week he went off to work and left it in the usual spot on his night stand.  I assumed he had finally cleared all the trace of the OW from his tablet and that is why it was back to it's old location.

Then I noticed he was using a new passcode to get into it.  Out of the corner of my eye one night I saw him enter the code.   I only caught the first 3 digits but assumed I could get the last one if I tried.  The next morning after he left I tried the code with different last digits with no luck.  So I just decided to watch him some more and get the whole thing next time. 

Yes....I wanted to see for myself that she was not still in contact with him.

The next night he put in a totally different code.  The next day it didn't work either.  The third day he put in another code.  This time I saw him enter it right before he was about to leave; finally my chance.  Then, just as he was about to leave he grabbed the tablet and headed to the couch.  He put it back but of course he had changed it again.  So I was now certain he was changing it each day right before he left for work.

I was PISSED!!  I mean really if he has nothing to hide why change it....right?  I called Julia and she agreed and she advised me to ask for the code outright; that he owed me that transparency under the circumstances.  So I did.

He balked for a moment but then gave it up pretty quick.  Once in the table I saw he was signed out of the message app and his Gmail.  There was no way for me to see his messages.  I was even more pissed.  I told him that it was stupid that I was trying to gather more evidence against him since he had already proven that he didn't honesty love and respect me.  I told him I was done and that he needed to move out!

I did find the girls contact information and kept a copy just in case.  I also found a photo of her in with his pictures.  It was from yesterday!  It looked like a screen shot from them chatting on facetime.  She was laying in bed on a pillow.  I knew they were still in touch and this proved it.  He was still lying to me and I was finally angry enough to take a stand and call it over.

I wanted to walk in the closet and put ALL of his clothes in big black garbage bags and pitch them out in the garage where his stupid fucking red work truck used to park.  You know, the truck he had sex with her in.

He sucks!

Two Sucky Choices

Saturday morning at like 3 am Kevin and I laid in bed talking.  We cuddled and talked about all kinds of things.  It was like the OLD Kevin was back.  It felt so good to see him!

 He has been doing nothing but taking total blame and begging me give him another chance.  He has said "I didn't mean to hurt you." so many times it is actually starting to make me mad.

He says he loves me and will never talk to her again.

I think on some level if it was a one nighter or if there were SOME logic behind it I could almost look past it.  But the truth is he risked EVERYTHING, his job, his home and his family (me and Beanie) so he could have a quick tryst with his 23 year old assistant who was leaving the country anyway.  I mean seriously...WHY?

And then, after she moves he is all "smoopy woopy I wuv you" day and night via text.  GAG!  That shit makes me madder than the sex does!

Saturday I met up with an old friend that knows me as well as anyone.  She and I talked.  She encouraged me to give him another chance.  Her logic:  a) wont have to sell the house and move AGAIN  b) wont have to uproot Beanie AGAIN.  c) dating at 50 sucks especially since I still have a small child.  I just don't want to be single for the rest of my damn life.

She had me convinced.  I was starting to think that I would be crazy to upheave everyone's life at this point.  I mean it is not like this girl is anywhere near here so he can't sneak out to be with her.  So on some level I am grateful that she is half way around the world!  I will just worn him that he will NEVER get another chance.  This is it buddy...don't fuck up again.

Then, last night, well actually 3 am today.  We are there in the dark talking again and he starts talking about how his job is the issue and he hates it so much and he needs to quit.  I reminded him that new jobs would suck too and I didn't think his job was so awful.  Yes he works late, until 6 pm, but he never works weekends and he goes into the office at 8 or later frequently.  Seriously I don't see that it is so bad.  I have worked worse...much worse, because I wasn't in a financial position to quit. Not to mention that if he isn't flirting ALL DAMN DAY LONG with his distance girlfriend I bet he could get more done. 

I'm just going to call it like I see it.....he is being a total pussy about his job.  Boo-hoo, he has to actually WORK all day!!

But here is the gem of the night; he asked me if he could take 2 months off once I find a job.  He wants to quit and have a little rest and relaxation before he gets another job.  I told him that I didn't think that was sound thinking and he once again told me I was unsupportive of him being happy and that I was just being money hungry.

All I could think was "wow dude...you just punched your ticket out of here!"

I don't have a job right now BUT I was let go, I didn't quit.  Then because I knew we were moving and I would be busy as hell I didn't jump out there and look for another job.  Then I realized school would be out soon so why not take the summer off to be with my kid.  Not to mention I had $200,000 in the bank this all started.   I don't just lounge around all day.  I am busy watching my daughter all day long and still putting the finishing touches on the house. 

Lets say I get a job by end of August (I applied for 3 jobs on Friday).  By then the house will be done, the kid will be back in school and there will basically nothing to do here.

I asked him what he would do while he was off work and he said ride his motorcycle, travel and get to know himself better.  Basically have fun and be free!

Fuck that!!

The Deets (Details) of D-Day

Thursday morning on July 9th I was sitting in bed watching TV with my 7 year old daughter.  She reached over and plucked my boyfriends tablet off his night stand and asked if she could talk to Suri.  My first reaction was to say...."NO - Not yours - Don't touch!" then I softened and thought to myself he doesn't care if the kids touch it...he's let them play with it before so I punched in the pass code and started to hand it to her....when....I saw a message pup up from Melissa.

Melissa is a girl that Kevin's employer (which had recently purchased his old company) hired as a M.I.T. (Manager in Training). A recent college graduate she relocated here from Chicago to "shadow" Kevin in his job so she could, after a period of time, become a manager of another branch of the company.  He was chosen to mentor her because he is good at his job.  She was fresh out of college, ambitious, young and cute in a quirky way. 

I don't recall exactly when she started working with him but I know it was sometime last winter, maybe January or December?  I first met her back in April when she came to our house to deliver a flower arrangement that she had made in a class she was taking.  Seems young girls in strange towns need hobbies and flower arranging was her choice.  She showed up and we marveled at her arrangement and then she hung out for a while watching TV and socializing.  She seemed nice.  He said, being new in town, she was lonely.  I didn't mind at first.

Then she stopped by the following Wednesday with more flowers and stayed longer.  Then more often and before you know it I felt she was here too much and I was a third wheel.  I sensed it was wrong / off.  But I chose to spackle.

Meanwhile she had decided to move to Australia and was just biding her time until she quit.  I probably would have made a stink about her spending so much time with Kevin but I knew she would be resigning and leaving the country so who cares....right?

I even teased him that she was his girlfriend and he responded with "oh please she is younger than my daughter!"

Well the last time she was here there was a certain tension in the air that was making me angry so I went to bed thinking...this sucks, but she is leaving the country so it will all end after this.

She quit and moved away (I think that was in May) and I kind of forgot about her until that text message came up that fait filled morning and my suspicions were once again raised.

I got on his IPad and realized that his text messages where on there.  (I have an Android so they only show up on my phone not my tablet.) I found the messages she had sent him and quickly scanned them.  They had been texting each other constantly since she left town and probably before but I didn't scroll back that far.  I finally found where he was professing his love for her and I was done.  That was it.  He told her he loved her.  My mind jumped off a cliff.  THIS was the moment that I knew my life was forever changing; that the road I was on had suddenly fallen into a ravine.

I put the IPad back down and left the room.  I tried to breathe and stay calm because my daughter was watching.  I was overwhelmed as a flood of thoughts hit me all at once.

OMG - we have to sell the house.
OMG - it is over
OMG - I am a fool.
OMG - life is so cruel
OMG - how could he do this...WHY? WHY? WHY?

I was tempted to phone him and just let loose but I knew it was a better idea to calm down and think of a plan.

Friss called and I snuck outside to talk freely where my daughter couldn't hear me.  I let the flood gate open and sobbed uncontrollably.  My hands went numb because I was hyperventilating.

After I got off the phone with Friss I knew that I would have to confront Kevin and I wasn't capable of pretending I didn't know.  I made arrangements for Beanie to go stay with her friend.

I also went back to the IPad.  At first I assumed that reading more would just be painful and I wasn't going to subject myself to it...but then I realized that if they had plans that might effect me I should figure that out.  I went back and read more.  My stomach turned.  They were Face Timing each other regularly (this is why he was so very late getting home from work.) and they had definitely had sex. He was messaging her "I Love You" all the fucking time.  Love bombing her like he did to me when we first started dating. There was no denying the seriousness of his transgression.  It was an ongoing, concerted effort.

Kevin was scheduled to come home and pick up his motorcycle to have it serviced.  He phoned me around 10:30 or 11 a.m. and requested that I come pick him up from work.  I told him I couldn't because I could not drive.  I have learned the hard way not to drive when I am this upset.  That is how auto accidents happen.

He asked me why I couldn't drive and I said "I know about Melissa".....he was calm and acted like I didn't have a clue "what? ... don't be silly!"  I reiterated that I KNEW about Mellissa.  His tone changed to mad and he said he was on his way home. 

I sat on the couch waiting; my heart beating so hard that it hurt.  I didn't know what he would do when he got here.  I just knew that this was it.....we were going to confront the situation.

He walked in and sat in front of me on the ottoman and started apologizing and begging me for forgiveness.  He said he loves me and that he doesn't want to lose me.

An hour of talking/crying in summary:
he did it and he has no good answer as to why except he is stupid and makes bad choices.
He didn't have a plan......he just thought it would piddle out and I would never know.
He never meant to hurt me!
It's not my fault!  (Meaning I did nothing wrong.) Thank you for recognizing that asshat!
He knows they have no future because hey she is only 23 and would want kids.  UGH
He begged me not to leave him but told me he would totally understand if I did.
He offered to leave and not come back unless I wanted him to.
He said he would do anything...ANYTHING to make it up to me.

He finally had to leave to meet a client.  I was relieved that he left.

I guess the Karma bus has hit me so I deserved this.  I no doubt need to be single for a while (if not for forever).  This sucks and hurts and it breaks my heart that my Hero is now a fucked up middle aged piece of shit loser.

And poor Beanie will lose her dream purple bedroom.  That poor kid.  She doesn't deserve this either.

I want my money and I want out.  Now if I can just contain my growing anger as my shock fades and I grasping the total reality of how much this fucks up everyone's life!