OMG it has been a crazy few weeks.
First, the gal I was training (on Tuesday and Wednesday) at the nursery turned out to be a total liar on her resume about her experience in accounting, so the owners fired her Thursday morning. Good for them for being so proactive.
Then they put La-Monica into my place and I trained her on Thursday and Friday. She is a 24 year old (amazingly beautiful young women) who wants to be a farmer but said she could help. She already worked at the nursery so it wasn't an outside person. I tried my damndest to tell her everything I could think of to make her successful and happy in the job. She has a degree in literature and is no dummy but her focus has never been accounting or numbers. She is a super awesome kid.
Monday I show up for work at the Property Management company and spent the whole day keying some mundane work orders and utility bills. Then Tuesday more of the same. Then Wednesday there was filing....lots of filing. Not meaning to sound above it all BUT this is crap I did when I was 20 years old; before I had a degree. This is basic A/P and totally clerical in nature. I was starting to really worry about how this job was going to pan out. Not to mention the days were LOOOOONNNNGGG and my back was killing me.
On Tuesday, or maybe it was Wednesday, I overheard the front desk girl, Diana, ask the boss a question and he snapped at her and stormed off. The gist of it was that she was dumb to ask and he was above such BS....like she was wasting his time. Then on Thursday I heard him tell the office manager that if the front desk girl didn't clear her desk he would. I asked her what that meant??? and she motioned (didn't say out loud out of fear I assume) that he would physically swipe all her stuff off her desk. He is a bully and runs the office with fear and micro management. NOT A GOOD ATMOSPHERE AT ALL!!!
(Still can't believe that my amazingly awesome friend Julia is married to this guy!)
I found myself in the conference room watching instructional videos for Appfolio and hiding from him. He triggered me and I knew it and I wanted out. I started to plan my exit strategy.
Friday he promised to train me on something more important.....but all he did was show me how to make up the deposits for the bank. Accounting 101 at best. Still struggling with how this was all going.
At worst, he is a dick and treats his employees like crap....at best, he doesn't understand what happens in normal office and has no idea what A/P and A/R jobs entail. At the end of the week I had no doubt I had made a huge error and I wanted to go back to the nursery.
MEANWHILE....Kevin is still dealing with the local company he works for being acquired by a national firm. He was used to running the show and making the decisions so that his office made money and sold shingles. Now, he finds himself a pawn in a bureaucratic nightmare of a big company with rules, procedures and processes that are turning him into a desk monkey who is doing nothing but kissing corporates ass. I get this, he hates it, he won't last long. I don't blame him.
AND, if that weren't enough, Julia found a house that she knew I would love. It is FUCKING amazing. It is 1/2 way between where Kevin and I live now (we LOVE this area) on a dead end street. A private wooded 1/2 acre lot with a custom home that has a huge vaulted ceiling, a spiral staircase and floor to ceiling windows overlooking a totally wooded private back yard smack dab in the middle of town. I absolutely love it. It is, of course, more than we wanted to spend. It has not hit the market yet and we are getting the insiders scoop. It will sell with no problem if we pass on it. I am so excited about it that I feel we can't pass it up. ( Hopefully I can get some pictures soon.) But, it isn't cheap....it doesn't have a garage!! both issues to be addressed. It won't be ready to move into until spring which is actually good since my lease is until the end of March.
So this morning I went to the nursery and talked to Jacob (my boss, the owner)....he said I could come back and seemed happy about it. I am thrilled, BUT, this winter I will only be allowed to work 10 hours a week!! That is all they can afford....which could be an issue. I need to work on some more ways to make money this winter. I think I might become a QuickBooks consultant. I am going to look into what that entails.
This afternoon I went to Beanie's school and did the Halloween "trunk or treat" thing with (x)Husband. Of course it was totally depressing to be around him and hear about all the fun things he is doing with the new girlfriend. I will say this over and over again until the day I die....WHY COUDN"T HE DO THAT STUFF WITH ME SO WE COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED!?!?!?!?!?!?
Then I came home, called my new boss at the property management job, explained that I care deeply for him and Julia but on a professional level the job is not for me. He said OK and we got off the phone quickly. It wasn't so bad. Now lets just hope it doesn't mess up our personal relationships going forward.
SOOOO...........tomorrow I head back to the nursery which makes me happy. I am really trying to do more of what makes me happy than fixating on what is most logical or practical. I won't have as much money but I will have peace of mind and time for my family.
You know, millions of people, everyday, make decisions that are what they need emotionally rather than financially and they survive. I can too!
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
HOW TO TOTALLY FUCK UP TUESDAY MORNING
I was getting ready for work…..thinking about the fact that I would be meeting and training the new girl. I showered so I would smell good and made sure to brush my teeth and gargle. While I was getting ready Friss called and I tried to talk to him at the same time.
I left the house forgetting to bring my lunch…..too much on my mind.
When I pulled up to the attorney’s office I was still on the phone with the boy, why not talk as long as I could? I saw Emily, the attorney’s assistant, walk into the office, a large Starbucks drink in her hand.
Soon Husband pulled up, parked and marched into the building, very purposefully ignoring me. I signed off with the boy and shoved my glasses into my pocket and followed behind him up to the office suite.
At the top of the stairs, Emily was on the phone so we stood in awkward silence waiting. He would not make eye contact or speak to me. He was trying to push my buttons but I am pretty much immune at this point.
She got off the call and I told her we were there to sign the forms. She produced them and I signed on the line while Husband wrote me a check for $115,000…………my equity in the house.
I took the check and thought to myself how simple this tiny piece of paper seemed given its value. I carefully folded it in half and then half again and placed it in my jacket pocket.
Emily made a copy of the quit claim deed and we headed for the door. Still no talking….no he was mad at me because he saw Kevin leaving my house Sunday afternoon when he was about to drop off our daughter.
Back in the car I checked my phone and texted Julia back. I started to drive to work and thought to call Husband’s mom regarding some future plans that he was somewhat elusive (as normal) about.
Grandma and I had a nice chat and then I decided to stop at McDonalds for a coffee and a pee on the way to work. Have I told you how the nursery has only an outhouse for a restroom which is currently at the bottom of a hill and surrounded by mud thanks to days and days of rain?
When I got to McDonalds I shoved a few dollars in my pocket and headed for the restroom. Then I went to the counter and ordered a coffee and paid with cash. I proceeded to the car where I called Kevin to update him on how it was all going. I was feeling accomplished for finally settling this last matter with the X. I was not even feeling bad about the fact I would be about 5 minutes late to work.
Then I decided to put the BIG check in safe place since I didn’t have time to go to the bank. I reached in my pocket to find NOTHING THERE!!!! The check was not in my pocket!!!! I checked the other pocket, maybe I was just on the wrong side, but, NO FUCKING CHECK!!
Slow down, calm down, it must be here. I felt the pockets again, nothing. Wait, try again it has to be there…..NO THE POCKETS ARE EMPTY!!! Then I checked in the pocket of the door where I had put my driver’s license after I left the attorney’s office. No, no check there.
Maybe I shoved it in my purse with the left over cash from my coffee. I’m now rooting in the bag as I near work. Still nothing. Panic is setting in so I pull over. Surely it fell off my lap onto the floor or is under my seat. Stupid car loves to eat important shit to taunt me. (Remember the missing key?)
Still nothing and the panic is increasing. Dig some more it has to be here. How could I lose $115,000? HOW COULD I LOSE A CHECK FOR $115,000?!?!?!?!
Maybe it fell out at McDonald’s????
I drive to work because I know I am late and the new girl, Pam, is probably waiting on me. I park in the mud and start trudging to my barn and see Jacob my boss. One look at me and he says “do you need to NOT be here today?” I tell him I lost a check for $115,000 and I am not even joking; that I need to go back to McDonalds and see if it is there. He tells me to go, cause he is so awesome like that. I leave as I fight back the tears and start beating myself up for being so fucking stupid.
Self-talk at this point is a new all-time low!!!
I start to think that I need to call the X and have him do a stop pay….I need to tell him what is going on. I am crying and upset and in a panic so I phone him a bit prematurely in hindsight.
I sob to him on the phone “I lost the check, I FUCKING already lost the check. I stuck it in my pocket and then I had to pee so I got coffee and now it is gone! I am headed back to search for it.” He was not kind but he was not a jerk. He knew I was in panic so he was *contained*.
Back at the restaurant I searched the parking lot as the rain poured down on me. Nothing but an old napkin and a soggy receipt.
Maybe it was inside? I headed in searching the floor with lazar focus. I check the bathroom stall and still nothing. Then to the counter. “Did anyone turn in a lost check?” The clerk looked at me confused. I held up my hands to form a small rectangle and said “a personal bank check made out to me”….she said no and assumed I was crazy. I went back outside and looked around the parking lot some more. Still nothing. By now I am soaking wet and I don’t care at all.
I call the Husband back and sob that it is really gone. I tell him if he has the check number he must do a stop pay ASAP. He says to calm down and that it will show up and I tell him NO you must do a stop pay…I will pay for it. Call the bank. He then, unbeknownst to me, he leaves to go the bank.
I drive back to the office just balling my eyes out and in total disbelief that I could be so fucking stupid. I pull back in the nursery and think to call Husband again and beg for a new check today. The sooner I get another check the sooner we can all forget that this happened. Back on the phone he says “no, I don’t have time, maybe tomorrow or the next day.” SO I FREAK OUT cause I want to fix this so bad and make the problem disappear. I need a new check today. He says to call him later. I sign off just as the phone rings.
EMILY
My phone shows that Emily is calling. That is the attorneys’ assistant.
I answer, still sobbing, and she indicates that they found the check and I sob with gratitude and relief. I quickly call husband and tell him I found the check. He grumbles that he will turn his car around and go back to work…like he is so put out by me and I am such a pain in his ass. I actively try to not let his attitude affect me and I head into the office to train that new girl!
I left the house forgetting to bring my lunch…..too much on my mind.
When I pulled up to the attorney’s office I was still on the phone with the boy, why not talk as long as I could? I saw Emily, the attorney’s assistant, walk into the office, a large Starbucks drink in her hand.
Soon Husband pulled up, parked and marched into the building, very purposefully ignoring me. I signed off with the boy and shoved my glasses into my pocket and followed behind him up to the office suite.
At the top of the stairs, Emily was on the phone so we stood in awkward silence waiting. He would not make eye contact or speak to me. He was trying to push my buttons but I am pretty much immune at this point.
She got off the call and I told her we were there to sign the forms. She produced them and I signed on the line while Husband wrote me a check for $115,000…………my equity in the house.
I took the check and thought to myself how simple this tiny piece of paper seemed given its value. I carefully folded it in half and then half again and placed it in my jacket pocket.
Emily made a copy of the quit claim deed and we headed for the door. Still no talking….no he was mad at me because he saw Kevin leaving my house Sunday afternoon when he was about to drop off our daughter.
Back in the car I checked my phone and texted Julia back. I started to drive to work and thought to call Husband’s mom regarding some future plans that he was somewhat elusive (as normal) about.
Grandma and I had a nice chat and then I decided to stop at McDonalds for a coffee and a pee on the way to work. Have I told you how the nursery has only an outhouse for a restroom which is currently at the bottom of a hill and surrounded by mud thanks to days and days of rain?
When I got to McDonalds I shoved a few dollars in my pocket and headed for the restroom. Then I went to the counter and ordered a coffee and paid with cash. I proceeded to the car where I called Kevin to update him on how it was all going. I was feeling accomplished for finally settling this last matter with the X. I was not even feeling bad about the fact I would be about 5 minutes late to work.
Then I decided to put the BIG check in safe place since I didn’t have time to go to the bank. I reached in my pocket to find NOTHING THERE!!!! The check was not in my pocket!!!! I checked the other pocket, maybe I was just on the wrong side, but, NO FUCKING CHECK!!
Slow down, calm down, it must be here. I felt the pockets again, nothing. Wait, try again it has to be there…..NO THE POCKETS ARE EMPTY!!! Then I checked in the pocket of the door where I had put my driver’s license after I left the attorney’s office. No, no check there.
Maybe I shoved it in my purse with the left over cash from my coffee. I’m now rooting in the bag as I near work. Still nothing. Panic is setting in so I pull over. Surely it fell off my lap onto the floor or is under my seat. Stupid car loves to eat important shit to taunt me. (Remember the missing key?)
Still nothing and the panic is increasing. Dig some more it has to be here. How could I lose $115,000? HOW COULD I LOSE A CHECK FOR $115,000?!?!?!?!
Maybe it fell out at McDonald’s????
I drive to work because I know I am late and the new girl, Pam, is probably waiting on me. I park in the mud and start trudging to my barn and see Jacob my boss. One look at me and he says “do you need to NOT be here today?” I tell him I lost a check for $115,000 and I am not even joking; that I need to go back to McDonalds and see if it is there. He tells me to go, cause he is so awesome like that. I leave as I fight back the tears and start beating myself up for being so fucking stupid.
Self-talk at this point is a new all-time low!!!
I start to think that I need to call the X and have him do a stop pay….I need to tell him what is going on. I am crying and upset and in a panic so I phone him a bit prematurely in hindsight.
I sob to him on the phone “I lost the check, I FUCKING already lost the check. I stuck it in my pocket and then I had to pee so I got coffee and now it is gone! I am headed back to search for it.” He was not kind but he was not a jerk. He knew I was in panic so he was *contained*.
Back at the restaurant I searched the parking lot as the rain poured down on me. Nothing but an old napkin and a soggy receipt.
Maybe it was inside? I headed in searching the floor with lazar focus. I check the bathroom stall and still nothing. Then to the counter. “Did anyone turn in a lost check?” The clerk looked at me confused. I held up my hands to form a small rectangle and said “a personal bank check made out to me”….she said no and assumed I was crazy. I went back outside and looked around the parking lot some more. Still nothing. By now I am soaking wet and I don’t care at all.
I call the Husband back and sob that it is really gone. I tell him if he has the check number he must do a stop pay ASAP. He says to calm down and that it will show up and I tell him NO you must do a stop pay…I will pay for it. Call the bank. He then, unbeknownst to me, he leaves to go the bank.
I drive back to the office just balling my eyes out and in total disbelief that I could be so fucking stupid. I pull back in the nursery and think to call Husband again and beg for a new check today. The sooner I get another check the sooner we can all forget that this happened. Back on the phone he says “no, I don’t have time, maybe tomorrow or the next day.” SO I FREAK OUT cause I want to fix this so bad and make the problem disappear. I need a new check today. He says to call him later. I sign off just as the phone rings.
EMILY
My phone shows that Emily is calling. That is the attorneys’ assistant.
I answer, still sobbing, and she indicates that they found the check and I sob with gratitude and relief. I quickly call husband and tell him I found the check. He grumbles that he will turn his car around and go back to work…like he is so put out by me and I am such a pain in his ass. I actively try to not let his attitude affect me and I head into the office to train that new girl!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Tuesday Perfect Weather
Today was a great day at work....at the Nursery. The sun was shining, I had the windows open and the ceiling fan on. My little barn was the perfect place to be doing some low-pressure QuickBooks clean up. And then I left at 3:15 to pick up my Beanie from school. I love that I can do that now.
Today I figured out how to properly add sales tax to invoices which was fun. It was not set up correctly and I knew this all along but I wanted to get more caught up before I tinkered with such a global setting. I love to problem solve and make things work, it gives me a sense of accomplishment and reassures me that I am smart and capable. You have no idea how much clean up work I have done there. It was a big mess.....almost everything had never been recorded properly. The place is in pretty good shape now. If I were staying, I would say in about two more weeks I would have it 100% in order.
I am just now getting to the point where it is not overwhelmingly messed up and behind. The day to day stuff goes smoothly and cleanup projects are fun because I do them when I feel like it. For example Monday I got frustrated with payroll taxes and put it down. I instead worked on reconciling the credit cards which had never been done. That went surprisingly well which made me feel awesome.
I have really enjoyed my time at the nursery. My boss, Jacob, is a great guy. He is very smart with a mind like a steel trap but he is easy going and leaves me to do my thing. He is supportive and kind and not bossy at all.
His wife is a bit annoying but she doesn't come around but twice a week. She shows up for an hour or two, is bossy while trying to be helpful, and surprisingly accomplishes very little. I think she mostly "cleans up" Jacob's desk (re-stacking his papers) then sweeps and mops all the while complaining that the place gets dirty. Hey, news flash, it's a nursery and everyone but me works outside in the dirt! Anyway, no one likes when she shows up because she just disrupts our day. I know she means well though.
Working around all the plants is nice too. So pretty at times. The outhouse is a bummer but it's not so bad. I always loved camp so no indoor plumbing doesn't freak me out.
I really wish I could stay but I just can't pass up the chance at a (real) job that will pay me enough to cover my monthly expenses. Especially since Kevin's job is still up in the air. He signed a no compete clause for a huge bonus and got a raise, but staying on for the new company, (I told you his company got bought out by a large national firm, didn't I?) at this point, is causing him to work 12 hour days and weekends. He is not happy about it and if it doesn't improve shortly he will find another job. But, finding another job quickly around here will be like me jumping to the nursery. He will go from making around $100k per year to more like 40k.
Humor me while I bitch for a minute. You see, when I took the nursery job I was hoping to stay for a year or two, to have the luxury of a part time job so I could have more time for Beanie and quit frankly just have more free time. I have worked full time my whole life. I missed so much of the other kids lives because I HAD to earn a paycheck. There were some years there where I was really working 60-80 hour weeks. When Friss was little I worked full time and did night school. I am tired of working!!! This was my chance to have it all; time with my kid, a supportive man who didn't mind paying more than half, a chance to work for fun not because I had no choice. And then, his job had to go and get all messed up. I am pissed. I had so hoped I would finally get to slow down a bit and relax.
But instead this week I am going to finish up helping the old construction company. (SO SICK OF THAT PLACE) Next Monday the new girl starts at the nursery and I will train her all next week. Then on the 20th I start my job at the property management place. I already know that I will be expected to be there by 8 am and not 8:15, Don frowns are tardiness. They have promised me a flexible schedule but also that I can work from home if my child is sick. I mean there is way more work to do and I will have to do it....oh and I am salaried.
At the nursery, I show up around 9, well when ever I feel like it actually. I am paid hourly so no one cares. I drop Beanie at school around 8:05 and then usually run an errand or Friss calls. I don't rush in the morning, I take my time and do what feels right.
Anyway, I am not looking forward to the new job at all. I am actually dreading it. And I am pissed that the nursery deal didn't last longer. I really never got to enjoy being 100% caught up.
Today I figured out how to properly add sales tax to invoices which was fun. It was not set up correctly and I knew this all along but I wanted to get more caught up before I tinkered with such a global setting. I love to problem solve and make things work, it gives me a sense of accomplishment and reassures me that I am smart and capable. You have no idea how much clean up work I have done there. It was a big mess.....almost everything had never been recorded properly. The place is in pretty good shape now. If I were staying, I would say in about two more weeks I would have it 100% in order.
I am just now getting to the point where it is not overwhelmingly messed up and behind. The day to day stuff goes smoothly and cleanup projects are fun because I do them when I feel like it. For example Monday I got frustrated with payroll taxes and put it down. I instead worked on reconciling the credit cards which had never been done. That went surprisingly well which made me feel awesome.
I have really enjoyed my time at the nursery. My boss, Jacob, is a great guy. He is very smart with a mind like a steel trap but he is easy going and leaves me to do my thing. He is supportive and kind and not bossy at all.
His wife is a bit annoying but she doesn't come around but twice a week. She shows up for an hour or two, is bossy while trying to be helpful, and surprisingly accomplishes very little. I think she mostly "cleans up" Jacob's desk (re-stacking his papers) then sweeps and mops all the while complaining that the place gets dirty. Hey, news flash, it's a nursery and everyone but me works outside in the dirt! Anyway, no one likes when she shows up because she just disrupts our day. I know she means well though.
Working around all the plants is nice too. So pretty at times. The outhouse is a bummer but it's not so bad. I always loved camp so no indoor plumbing doesn't freak me out.
I really wish I could stay but I just can't pass up the chance at a (real) job that will pay me enough to cover my monthly expenses. Especially since Kevin's job is still up in the air. He signed a no compete clause for a huge bonus and got a raise, but staying on for the new company, (I told you his company got bought out by a large national firm, didn't I?) at this point, is causing him to work 12 hour days and weekends. He is not happy about it and if it doesn't improve shortly he will find another job. But, finding another job quickly around here will be like me jumping to the nursery. He will go from making around $100k per year to more like 40k.
Humor me while I bitch for a minute. You see, when I took the nursery job I was hoping to stay for a year or two, to have the luxury of a part time job so I could have more time for Beanie and quit frankly just have more free time. I have worked full time my whole life. I missed so much of the other kids lives because I HAD to earn a paycheck. There were some years there where I was really working 60-80 hour weeks. When Friss was little I worked full time and did night school. I am tired of working!!! This was my chance to have it all; time with my kid, a supportive man who didn't mind paying more than half, a chance to work for fun not because I had no choice. And then, his job had to go and get all messed up. I am pissed. I had so hoped I would finally get to slow down a bit and relax.
But instead this week I am going to finish up helping the old construction company. (SO SICK OF THAT PLACE) Next Monday the new girl starts at the nursery and I will train her all next week. Then on the 20th I start my job at the property management place. I already know that I will be expected to be there by 8 am and not 8:15, Don frowns are tardiness. They have promised me a flexible schedule but also that I can work from home if my child is sick. I mean there is way more work to do and I will have to do it....oh and I am salaried.
At the nursery, I show up around 9, well when ever I feel like it actually. I am paid hourly so no one cares. I drop Beanie at school around 8:05 and then usually run an errand or Friss calls. I don't rush in the morning, I take my time and do what feels right.
Anyway, I am not looking forward to the new job at all. I am actually dreading it. And I am pissed that the nursery deal didn't last longer. I really never got to enjoy being 100% caught up.
Monday, October 6, 2014
The Dark Ages
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| DWST is a whole lot of eye candy! |
So when I switched jobs I lost access to my computer that I had been using for years. I knew that computer inside and out. I knew how it worked and how my stuff (IPod, camera, phone) worked with it. I could dump a video into YouTube and then post it on my blog if I wanted to…………and I could do it rather quickly and efficiently.
I have now owned my new computer at home for a few months. I am figuring it out slowly but surely. It is windows 8, it was not set up by a tech guy at the office but has instead been set up by me, and every god damn thing I do is different than the old PC. It makes me a bit crazy and annoyed. I don’t have the time or the energy to relearn so much crap.
Even getting used to a new keyboard can be irritating because the spacing is different so you miss-stroke more often.
There are still some things I can’t even get to work. Like I can’t get the dang thing to show me what is on my phone. It says “no files found”. I mean it sees my phone and shows it is attached but won’t show the files. My new job has a new PC also and it has windows 8 and it DOES work with my phone. So I am at a loss as to why my home PC will not. So one day I was going to figure it out…… I spent 2 hours googling idea and trying things. Nothing worked. So damn frustrating. Still can’t do it. The Memphis photos were offloaded at work and then carried home on a jump drive.
Even if I can get a picture to my new computer, the picture editor I was used to, that was quick and efficient, is gone so if I want to do something simple like crop a photo it seems like a big deal. GAH!
I have this adorable video of my daughter and her best friend dancing to the “Happy” song. I want to post it so badly but it would take like days to figure out how. I don’t have time to do that. So you all will have to take my word for it that two 7 year old girls dancing to “Happy” are so stinking cute.
And another thing, I am acutely aware that with every computer change in my life from now on this will probably be the case. I mean I will eventually figure this one out and be used to exactly how I have it set up, what is does, how it works and then BAM, they will update the operating system or the software, or heaven forbid it will die and I will buy a new PC and l have to learn all this shit again.
Sometimes I just hate technology.
PS – but I do love the fact that I can Google “how tall is Derek Hough” during DWTS and find out in about 2 seconds.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Beanie's Big 7th Birthday Outing
Saturday I got up at 5 am to prep for a long run. I met Stina at 6 and we ran 12.5 miles at about a 10 minute pace. Then I dashed home to shower so I could meet Husband and girls at 9:30.
In the Toys-R-Us parking lot by the highway we all loaded into Daddy’s car; two WAY OVER EXCITED first grade girls in the back seat and me and Husband in the front. He was in a good mood and we chatted pleasantly for the two hour drive. The girls played with the IPad, the DVD player and each other and were really good except being too loud at times.
Once we got to our destination he started to search for free parking. I said I would pay the $5 to park close and have a guarded lot. I also gave him some money to cover my entrance to the museum and my food for the day. He didn’t ask, I just handed him some cash and said here you go, you buy everything from now on.
It was around noon when we arrived and the girl immediately started climbing into holes and tunnels and we followed in an effort to not lose them. Sophia, Beanie’s best friend, is fearless and would just take off if she saw something of interest so we were on high alert. Wouldn’t want to lose someone else’s kid you know! Beanie is more “stay safe and close” minded, but then prone to a meltdown if she can’t find you easily. I did remember to bring my knee pads so crawling through concrete or metal tunnels wasn’t so awful bad. We crawled through some CRAZY small places. Good thing we are relatively fit and thin.
As you can imagine, my legs and feet were angry at me for doing this to them AFTER a long run! LOL
All day long the girls were thrilled when they spotted a slide. We found many many slides and attempted to do every one at least once. The best one is the 10 story tall slide which we did twice! The girls were just barely tall enough to ride it but Daddy made a big deal to stand them at the line on the wall and pronounce loudly that they were indeed tall enough. I am sure Beanie was about an inch shy and I am sure he did this “display” so the attendant would overhear and not hassle us. Smart Daddy!
Next they wanted to go outside where the sun was shining and it had warmed to a beautiful fall day. We, again, followed them as best we could in an attempt to properly supervise. Fearless Sophia had us crawling through the wire mesh tunnels between the airplanes which are perched about 5 stories into the air. No, there are not safety nets. Yes, they were welded by some stoner artisan types. OMG it was freaking me out but I did it.
Around 3 Husband was itching to go already which surprised me. Then I realized he probably was due home by 7 to see his GF. I also realized that I am starting to get used to Kevin who would have stayed for twice as long and would have made it his goal to be sure the girls did everything and had the FULL experience. I, personally, if left to my preferences, would probably fall in between. I wouldn’t bust my butt to show them a good time as much as Kevin would but I would stay for more than 3 hours after driving two. Then again I am sure the girls were satisfied, tired and hungry so we left in search of some dinner.
We had a nice sit down dinner at a café on the way home. Husband had fish and chips which is a common thing for him to order when eating out. He then told me all about the best place to get fried fish in town. I am sure he was frequenting this local eatery while we were married and never telling me about it. I think he was a regular at happy hour on Friday too and never would admit it to me. But I digress.
We were back at my car by 6:30 where he shuffled them into my back seat and dashed off to do his own thing. Husband was unencumbered for the balance of the weekend, as usual ….which I am sure was not by accident.
I was happy to bring the girls with me to continue the big birthday weekend. I was also happy that Husband was very pleasant and nice all day. It really wasn’t bad at all. He can be a real charmer if you only see him for measured periods of time. He just can’t keep up the act 24/7.
Poor Kevin had to work all day but was happy that I texted him regularly during the day, got home so early and didn’t tell him how much fun we had but instead told him how much I missed him. He came over for cake and presents and Beanie was super glad to see him which always makes him happy.
Really I had a fun day and it all worked out well. BUT OMG I was exhausted by 8:30 pm and luckily the girls were asleep by 9 and slept until 6:30 Sunday morning.
In the Toys-R-Us parking lot by the highway we all loaded into Daddy’s car; two WAY OVER EXCITED first grade girls in the back seat and me and Husband in the front. He was in a good mood and we chatted pleasantly for the two hour drive. The girls played with the IPad, the DVD player and each other and were really good except being too loud at times.
Once we got to our destination he started to search for free parking. I said I would pay the $5 to park close and have a guarded lot. I also gave him some money to cover my entrance to the museum and my food for the day. He didn’t ask, I just handed him some cash and said here you go, you buy everything from now on.
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| You really can't imagine all the spaces to crawl in this place. Mind blowing! |
It was around noon when we arrived and the girl immediately started climbing into holes and tunnels and we followed in an effort to not lose them. Sophia, Beanie’s best friend, is fearless and would just take off if she saw something of interest so we were on high alert. Wouldn’t want to lose someone else’s kid you know! Beanie is more “stay safe and close” minded, but then prone to a meltdown if she can’t find you easily. I did remember to bring my knee pads so crawling through concrete or metal tunnels wasn’t so awful bad. We crawled through some CRAZY small places. Good thing we are relatively fit and thin.
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| There is a whole underground cave area. |
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| Beanie started to count steps but then got distracted. My legs were SCREAMING! |
All day long the girls were thrilled when they spotted a slide. We found many many slides and attempted to do every one at least once. The best one is the 10 story tall slide which we did twice! The girls were just barely tall enough to ride it but Daddy made a big deal to stand them at the line on the wall and pronounce loudly that they were indeed tall enough. I am sure Beanie was about an inch shy and I am sure he did this “display” so the attendant would overhear and not hassle us. Smart Daddy!
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| YES - I CLIMBED IN THAT TUNNEL....UP THERE.....YIKES!! |
Next they wanted to go outside where the sun was shining and it had warmed to a beautiful fall day. We, again, followed them as best we could in an attempt to properly supervise. Fearless Sophia had us crawling through the wire mesh tunnels between the airplanes which are perched about 5 stories into the air. No, there are not safety nets. Yes, they were welded by some stoner artisan types. OMG it was freaking me out but I did it.
Around 3 Husband was itching to go already which surprised me. Then I realized he probably was due home by 7 to see his GF. I also realized that I am starting to get used to Kevin who would have stayed for twice as long and would have made it his goal to be sure the girls did everything and had the FULL experience. I, personally, if left to my preferences, would probably fall in between. I wouldn’t bust my butt to show them a good time as much as Kevin would but I would stay for more than 3 hours after driving two. Then again I am sure the girls were satisfied, tired and hungry so we left in search of some dinner.
We had a nice sit down dinner at a café on the way home. Husband had fish and chips which is a common thing for him to order when eating out. He then told me all about the best place to get fried fish in town. I am sure he was frequenting this local eatery while we were married and never telling me about it. I think he was a regular at happy hour on Friday too and never would admit it to me. But I digress.
We were back at my car by 6:30 where he shuffled them into my back seat and dashed off to do his own thing. Husband was unencumbered for the balance of the weekend, as usual ….which I am sure was not by accident.
I was happy to bring the girls with me to continue the big birthday weekend. I was also happy that Husband was very pleasant and nice all day. It really wasn’t bad at all. He can be a real charmer if you only see him for measured periods of time. He just can’t keep up the act 24/7.
Poor Kevin had to work all day but was happy that I texted him regularly during the day, got home so early and didn’t tell him how much fun we had but instead told him how much I missed him. He came over for cake and presents and Beanie was super glad to see him which always makes him happy.
Really I had a fun day and it all worked out well. BUT OMG I was exhausted by 8:30 pm and luckily the girls were asleep by 9 and slept until 6:30 Sunday morning.
Friday, October 3, 2014
I Over Analyze...It's What I Do
Last weekend Husband brought my daughter home rather late and was a bit intoxicated. He had spent the day at a music festival with his GF and some other friends. He was kind of mushy and seemed genuine enough.
Lately he has been pretty "normal" and behaves nicely to me. He still seems sad to have lost his wife and he really has no reason at all to keep up the act.
I think I have been a bit too harsh in my judgment of him as so disordered. Lately he just seems rather sad and pitiful.
I asked him once again how he can go from being so completely unsociable to having a very active social life and he really has no good answer.
However, I do feel like I am getting a better understanding of what was REALLY going on in our relationship with each other. It's one of those deals where some distance gives you a better perspective.
He always said that we got off to a bad start and we never got past that. What he means is this...when I got pregnant and he didn't want to deal with it but had to because, well, I was pregnant with his child, he resented me for putting him in that position. He decided that he was not going to let me "win" and that he would do his best to do right by the child, but he wasn't going to let me force him into a relationship. So, I moved in so he could be there for the child and he had sex with me but mentally he was not committed to me in any way. He was just using me because I was there and in the way of what he really wanted (which was that married girl he was dating behind my back.) Such a dick.
Anyhow, he planned to stick around until the baby was about 1 year old and then he figured he would dump me and be free to go back to the other woman. Also he would then have established a bond with the child so he could be a good part-time daddy from then on.
I guess things got off track when the OW got tired of waiting on him since she didn't see him at all for months as far as I know (I was living there)....and I was easy to get along with (doormat) and the baby bond was more than he anticipated. At some point his fantasy about leaving me and getting back to his real life bumped into his real life he was living that wasn't really all that bad. So, he baulked at making a change......at really getting rid of me. Maybe it was solely because OW dumped him IDK. But for a long time he was rather mean and distant because he was in a place he didn't want to be in and then over time I think we did get used to that interpersonal dynamic where he was moody and selfish and I just put up with it.
Later he would marry me to keep me happy and shut me up not because he loved me.
Then I would try to make a better more REAL marriage and he would resist my efforts falling back on his original goal of not letting me "win". On some level, throughout the whole 8 years it was his goal to not to be in a relationship with me .....he wanted to be free and worked hard to be that way. He didn't communicate or do things with me because hey, he was "single" and I was not the boss of him.
Even when I told him I wanted a divorce, his reaction was "fine I will start dating". I know on some level he was relieved cause the gig was up and he could go back to a normal life where he didn't have to live on the defense of his freedom anymore.
Then one day after the dust had settled and he had put down his defenses he realized he REALLY did miss me and his family and what we had. But it was too late.
It really was a case of him being a jerk to another until it finally just bit him in the ass. In the long run he got back what he gave out.
I would feel really bad about not giving him another chance because I think things really could have been different if he did decide to really try to be my husband. I think he would be a good husband.
BUT there are a few things I still fall back on:
1) he was willing to cheat on the "love of his life" when he dated me behind her back. Can you say "poor character"? This was before i was pregnant so he can't blame that.
2) he was willing to marry a women he didn't love and carryout a lot of really inhumane treatment of another person. How many times did he step over my crumpled weeping body to go make a hot pocket?
3) All the time I was out doing my own thing he never once seemed to care where I was or what I was doing. It was just a relief for him that I wasn't up his ass. So really he didn't care about me that much.
Anyhow, I have made peace with it all.
There were too many lies and bad feelings between us to ever make a good marriage even if we had gotten back together and chances are we would have fallen into the same old bad habits.
Lately he has been pretty "normal" and behaves nicely to me. He still seems sad to have lost his wife and he really has no reason at all to keep up the act.
I think I have been a bit too harsh in my judgment of him as so disordered. Lately he just seems rather sad and pitiful.
I asked him once again how he can go from being so completely unsociable to having a very active social life and he really has no good answer.
However, I do feel like I am getting a better understanding of what was REALLY going on in our relationship with each other. It's one of those deals where some distance gives you a better perspective.
He always said that we got off to a bad start and we never got past that. What he means is this...when I got pregnant and he didn't want to deal with it but had to because, well, I was pregnant with his child, he resented me for putting him in that position. He decided that he was not going to let me "win" and that he would do his best to do right by the child, but he wasn't going to let me force him into a relationship. So, I moved in so he could be there for the child and he had sex with me but mentally he was not committed to me in any way. He was just using me because I was there and in the way of what he really wanted (which was that married girl he was dating behind my back.) Such a dick.
Anyhow, he planned to stick around until the baby was about 1 year old and then he figured he would dump me and be free to go back to the other woman. Also he would then have established a bond with the child so he could be a good part-time daddy from then on.
I guess things got off track when the OW got tired of waiting on him since she didn't see him at all for months as far as I know (I was living there)....and I was easy to get along with (doormat) and the baby bond was more than he anticipated. At some point his fantasy about leaving me and getting back to his real life bumped into his real life he was living that wasn't really all that bad. So, he baulked at making a change......at really getting rid of me. Maybe it was solely because OW dumped him IDK. But for a long time he was rather mean and distant because he was in a place he didn't want to be in and then over time I think we did get used to that interpersonal dynamic where he was moody and selfish and I just put up with it.
Later he would marry me to keep me happy and shut me up not because he loved me.
Then I would try to make a better more REAL marriage and he would resist my efforts falling back on his original goal of not letting me "win". On some level, throughout the whole 8 years it was his goal to not to be in a relationship with me .....he wanted to be free and worked hard to be that way. He didn't communicate or do things with me because hey, he was "single" and I was not the boss of him.
Even when I told him I wanted a divorce, his reaction was "fine I will start dating". I know on some level he was relieved cause the gig was up and he could go back to a normal life where he didn't have to live on the defense of his freedom anymore.
Then one day after the dust had settled and he had put down his defenses he realized he REALLY did miss me and his family and what we had. But it was too late.
It really was a case of him being a jerk to another until it finally just bit him in the ass. In the long run he got back what he gave out.
I would feel really bad about not giving him another chance because I think things really could have been different if he did decide to really try to be my husband. I think he would be a good husband.
BUT there are a few things I still fall back on:
1) he was willing to cheat on the "love of his life" when he dated me behind her back. Can you say "poor character"? This was before i was pregnant so he can't blame that.
2) he was willing to marry a women he didn't love and carryout a lot of really inhumane treatment of another person. How many times did he step over my crumpled weeping body to go make a hot pocket?
3) All the time I was out doing my own thing he never once seemed to care where I was or what I was doing. It was just a relief for him that I wasn't up his ass. So really he didn't care about me that much.
Anyhow, I have made peace with it all.
There were too many lies and bad feelings between us to ever make a good marriage even if we had gotten back together and chances are we would have fallen into the same old bad habits.
The Latest Drama
I want you all to tell me what you think. I am confused on this one.
A few years back, I took Ramone (husband didn't go of course) to a really awesome museum/fun house for kids. It is in a city about 2 hours drive from here. It is an old warehouse turned into an attraction and it is VERY cool. At the time I went Beanie was still just a baby but I was already looking forward to the day she would be old enough to really enjoy a trip the this amazing Museum.
About a month ago Husband (I know we are divorced but that is his name now damnit) proposed to Beanie that we take her and her best friend to the Museum for her birthday. I said that was a great idea since I had been wanting to take her and because I didn't have any better ideas of how to celebrate her birthday. Have I told you how much I am NOT a party planner person!?!?!
Husband assumed I would go along to help keep track of the girls and enjoy this special day. I assumed that would be OK with Kevin. I was WRONG.
A few weeks ago I told Kevin the plan and he was not happy. He said he felt left out. He was a bit of a baby about it. I tried to have a conversation about his concerns but was met with him being a bit too emotional. He raised his voice but was not really mean....just insistant that I was wrong to make plans with out him and that I had not been respectful of his feelings.
(Keep in mind this man wants to marry me....he isn't JUST a boyfriend.)
It was a bad way to spend the evening. I was torn and figured I would think about it more. Am I choosing my X over Kevin?
Later I just decided I want to go and Kevin will have to get over it. I tried to discuss it with him again and again he told me I was disrespectful for leaving him out of the plans and the minute Husband proposed the idea I should have considered how Kevin fit in. I apologized and explained this is all new to me at this point. I assured him he could go if he wanted. I just figured he didn't want to. Of course he didn't want to go with the X going.
Anyhow, it has been a sore spot for me and Kevin and I have assured him I meant no harm and I will not make plans that don't include him from now on. But golly I just got divorced. This is all uncharted territory to me. I mean I don't always understand where Kevin is coming from since I am not used to being with a person that WANTS to do everything with me; a person who doesn't want or need me to give them space.
To be honest I have 3 other kids and I am almost 50 years old and this type of issue has never come up. Friss' real father didn't give a crap so he was never involved in our lives and when Ramone and Monster were smaller, Rocco was insistant that he was not their father or step father and that he wasn't really interested in them much. He was nice if they were around but he certainly didn't want to be included in "family" plans like birthdays.
SO....Is Kevin being a baby? Am I just clueless on how to treat people who REALY care? Is husband being manipulative....I mean this was his idea I just went along with it. I didn't really feel I had a choice to say no once he told the kid about it and she was so excited.
The trip is tomorrow and I am going. Kevin has calmed down and is acting fine. He told me we just have to agree to disagree on this one. He called this morning and sang Beanie happy birthday on the phone. He really just cares so much. It always throws me off. Spent my whole life around selfish people who just used me.
I was thinking today and wanted to add this:
I quizzed a few of my friend who are remarried and have a smaller child with their ex. They all told me that pretty much if the kid has a game or an event, both parents go and they bring along their spouse/sig. other too. So I do foresee a day that Kevin will go when Husband is there and it will be no big deal. It's just too soon for that now.
ALSO...I have to tell you that Kevin never stays mad for more than a few hours tops. Then he busts his ass to make up. It is actually very cute. He seems to hate being mad as much as I do. Last "discussion" about this was about bed time but as soon as we went to bed he wanted to make up so we didn't go to sleep mad. Husband used to be mad for DAYS or even WEEKS and just shut me out. So refreshing to have a man that communicates so much and wants to get along!
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In other news, I took the new NEW job and will start Oct 20th. The job at the nursery is fun and I love it there, but I worry there just isn't enough to do to keep me with an income year round. I think new job will be more stressful and I have reservations about working for one of my best friends' husbands....but, it is more stable and more money. Still no health care coverage though.
A few years back, I took Ramone (husband didn't go of course) to a really awesome museum/fun house for kids. It is in a city about 2 hours drive from here. It is an old warehouse turned into an attraction and it is VERY cool. At the time I went Beanie was still just a baby but I was already looking forward to the day she would be old enough to really enjoy a trip the this amazing Museum.
About a month ago Husband (I know we are divorced but that is his name now damnit) proposed to Beanie that we take her and her best friend to the Museum for her birthday. I said that was a great idea since I had been wanting to take her and because I didn't have any better ideas of how to celebrate her birthday. Have I told you how much I am NOT a party planner person!?!?!
Husband assumed I would go along to help keep track of the girls and enjoy this special day. I assumed that would be OK with Kevin. I was WRONG.
A few weeks ago I told Kevin the plan and he was not happy. He said he felt left out. He was a bit of a baby about it. I tried to have a conversation about his concerns but was met with him being a bit too emotional. He raised his voice but was not really mean....just insistant that I was wrong to make plans with out him and that I had not been respectful of his feelings.
(Keep in mind this man wants to marry me....he isn't JUST a boyfriend.)
It was a bad way to spend the evening. I was torn and figured I would think about it more. Am I choosing my X over Kevin?
Later I just decided I want to go and Kevin will have to get over it. I tried to discuss it with him again and again he told me I was disrespectful for leaving him out of the plans and the minute Husband proposed the idea I should have considered how Kevin fit in. I apologized and explained this is all new to me at this point. I assured him he could go if he wanted. I just figured he didn't want to. Of course he didn't want to go with the X going.
Anyhow, it has been a sore spot for me and Kevin and I have assured him I meant no harm and I will not make plans that don't include him from now on. But golly I just got divorced. This is all uncharted territory to me. I mean I don't always understand where Kevin is coming from since I am not used to being with a person that WANTS to do everything with me; a person who doesn't want or need me to give them space.
To be honest I have 3 other kids and I am almost 50 years old and this type of issue has never come up. Friss' real father didn't give a crap so he was never involved in our lives and when Ramone and Monster were smaller, Rocco was insistant that he was not their father or step father and that he wasn't really interested in them much. He was nice if they were around but he certainly didn't want to be included in "family" plans like birthdays.
SO....Is Kevin being a baby? Am I just clueless on how to treat people who REALY care? Is husband being manipulative....I mean this was his idea I just went along with it. I didn't really feel I had a choice to say no once he told the kid about it and she was so excited.
The trip is tomorrow and I am going. Kevin has calmed down and is acting fine. He told me we just have to agree to disagree on this one. He called this morning and sang Beanie happy birthday on the phone. He really just cares so much. It always throws me off. Spent my whole life around selfish people who just used me.
I was thinking today and wanted to add this:
I quizzed a few of my friend who are remarried and have a smaller child with their ex. They all told me that pretty much if the kid has a game or an event, both parents go and they bring along their spouse/sig. other too. So I do foresee a day that Kevin will go when Husband is there and it will be no big deal. It's just too soon for that now.
ALSO...I have to tell you that Kevin never stays mad for more than a few hours tops. Then he busts his ass to make up. It is actually very cute. He seems to hate being mad as much as I do. Last "discussion" about this was about bed time but as soon as we went to bed he wanted to make up so we didn't go to sleep mad. Husband used to be mad for DAYS or even WEEKS and just shut me out. So refreshing to have a man that communicates so much and wants to get along!
___________________________
In other news, I took the new NEW job and will start Oct 20th. The job at the nursery is fun and I love it there, but I worry there just isn't enough to do to keep me with an income year round. I think new job will be more stressful and I have reservations about working for one of my best friends' husbands....but, it is more stable and more money. Still no health care coverage though.
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