A long, long, time ago I stayed at home to take care of my infant son. I loved it and was happy to do so. Then my boyfriend, out of the blue, ran off with a neighbor’s wife and left me with our 3 year old son, no car, no driver’s license, no money and few options. I quickly applied for government assistance and got a job at the only place I could get one……working as a maid at a Sleep Cheep hotel. I didn’t mind the work and I was good at it, but it wasn’t enough money to really support two people. I also, mentally struggled with the idea that this man could just change his mind and we were suddenly destitute!
It didn’t take long for my mother to talk me into going back to school so I filled out a bunch of grant forms and started attending an inexpensive junior college. I was lucky enough to have my mother’s help or none of this would have been possible. She bought me a car so I could get to school and the government assistant offices and helped pay for child care so I could go to school.
When I graduated I got a job as an accounting clerk and finally had insurance and a decent paycheck. I still collected ADC because my ex did not pay any child support. We did OK on this rather small income because I know how to manage a budget; after all, I am an accountant.
Later I had a job that offered tuition reimbursement so I went back and got a BA in Accounting. For a few years, I worked full time and went to school in the evening. It was a lot of work and a huge undertaking, but I have never regretted getting that education. After I received the degree I got a job making twice as much money. I didn’t work any harder, just got paid more because I had a degree. Still, supporting us both we lived check to check.
A few years down the road, I got remarried. My husband was a social worker and did not make much money. He chose to have a profession where he was helping people rather than a lucrative position. I was doing pretty well at my job. When we decided to have kids, we worked it out so we would only need day care three days a week. He worked Wednesday – Saturday so the kids were home more than away. We considered dropping to one income but his income was not enough to keep our very small home (900 sq ft). We trudged on as part time parents and part time employees, sharing the burden, even though it would have certainly been great if we didn’t have to.
Later we got divorced so then we each had to work to keep our separate homes. So, once again, me being a stay at home mom was not possible. Did I really want a career? NO. Did I really want to work? No. Did I want to be with my kids? Hell yes. Did I have that option? No.
Finally, I find myself married and with a small child again. This time, obviously the last child I will ever give birth to and once again I don’t have the option to stay home. Am I angry? YES
My husband and I had both owned our own homes prior to getting married. We tried to sell the larger home for over a year and it would not sell. Finally, because two house payments were insane, we sold the smaller home. Now, we are stuck in the bigger home, with the bigger mortgage payment and we can’t sell it. I guess we could ruin our credit rating and let the house go into foreclosure to get rid of it but as an accountant that seems very drastic. I hope the market recovers and we can sell it. I hope to save up some money and be able to stay at home for a while. I just want to raise MY own child, not some day care or babysitter.
So, all you stay at home mothers who think all working moms don’t want to be home……please consider that you might just be wrong. Many, I would venture to say most, working moms would rather be stay at home moms but unfortunately the option is not available for one reason or another.
Also, all us working moms still do as much work at home as you do PLUS we have to put in 40 or more hours at our paying, away from home job too. So, don’t complain that you have it hard when you pick up toys all day. You don’t have it hard, you have it easy. If all I had to do was stay home in my PJs and watch my kids it would be a walk in the park compared to getting all that done in the evening or weekend and taking off work for doctors appointments, school conferences, etc.
And one last thing I have to rant and rave about. For God’s sake, all you stay at home moms, thank your husband’s over and over again for paying the bills so you don’t have to. Thank them and give them the credit for their contributions. You have the luxury of staying at home because you have someone to pay the bills for you. You are lucky and should acknowledge that!
