Letting Go of Resentment

One of the things I think I have figured out in the past few weeks is that I have a lot of built up resentment for my husband (and a few other people as well) for things he has done to me in the past AND these old resentments are interfering with me actually accepting his kindness now and letting our current relationship be all that it might be.  I realize I am harming no one but myself with this resentment that I am holding on to.  I get that!

Today I found this article that I really like:
How to Let Go of Resentments 
and I am looking forward to reading more of Dr. Orloff's blog.

I completely understand WHY I should let go of my resentments, but that doesn't necessarily mean I CAN let go of them.  This is my new project.....to really let them go.  Tomorrow I will see if my therapist George can help me.

I am not sure how much I have blogged about how my husband treated me the first few years we were together and I don't really want to drag it all up again now, but believe me, he said and did many terrible, disrespectful things to me and I have never forgiven him.  I am honestly embarrassed to even tell you, it was that bad.  I really should have walked away and had nothing more to do with him.  BUT, I was pregnant and thinking of more than myself.

The key to this is......if he has changed his ways and his feelings for me, it is in my best interest to believe that, except that and move on so I can enjoy my marriage.

If he has not changed his ways, and everything nice he does now is just a huge act, then he sure has put an ENORMOUS amount of time and effort into faking a life for the benefit of our daughters.  (Which is not completely selfish now is it?)

You see, he excuses all that he did by saying he was in a terrible situation and acted poorly because he was desperate and didn't know what else to do.  I can except this answer to a point, but at some point, one has to say "wow your moral compass swing way farther than mine ever would!"

I just look back and think, if he was really capable of behaving so poorly, the man has no limits or boundaries....he is a ticking time bomb of potential disaster for me.  I guess I would like to think that people are only capable of stooping so low.

Other times I can look back and think maybe he was freaking out and it was a one time deal that he can't take back and he is smart enough to put it in the past and I should wise up.

I don't know.......but I am pretty sure I am on to something here.

(thanks Jane of the Midwest)

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

A freind of mine on Facebook posted a link to this list of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.

I read the list and thought it was really good advise.
I also realize that I do almost ALL these things to myself, ALL the time. 
and for the most part I have no idea how to stop. 

I think the only one i have licked is #9....I know you can't buy happiness and I don't think I try to.

So I guess I have 29 things that I need to work on.  Ugh!