WOW - Exaclty what I needed to hear!!!

Did anyone check out Chump Lady today?

Today's post was the shot in the arm I really needed.  I have too much life to live and too much love to give to ever let JDK drag me down to the pits of .....well the pits.   You know what I mean.

I am an ass for all the hours and heartache I wasted on this man.  He is not worth it!!  I am TOO GOOD FOR HIM! He is a DISORDERED and SELFISH P.O.S.

My new mantra is going to be "Don't let him steal another moment of my life!"

I am still coming out of the fog that this long term destructive relationship had me living in.  I am just started to put my life together and really feel like the real me again.

I felt I needed to update my blog to reflect where I am at in life now.  The old colors and pictures are in the past, this is a new chapter.  I am ready to bloom and keep becoming a better version of the me I once was before life shit on me.  I am finding myself under the layers and layers of bullshit that I accumulated in the past 15 years.  The old me is in there; it just needs to wake up and want to get out!

I used to be a strong and vibrant women with a lot of confidence.  Rocco knocked me down so far and then the tragedy with Friss just crushed my soul.  It has been a long LONG time coming but I think I am finally getting back to the surface where I can really live and not just exist. 

Kevin's support has been key.  Sometimes you just need some loving support to find yourself. 

Last week I went to see George and it was nice.  One thing I have learned from him is that I need....no I crave affirmation.  When he says to me "I don't care if it is right or wrong, if you feel it, it is real to you and it is valid."  And he means it and it brings me to tears!!  Just being heard and accepted.....so simple, yet so important.

To him, all my feeling are real and of value.  I am not crazy or stupid or mentally effed up.  I am not just a burden to be put up with or a tool to be used.  I am a real person who has value just because I exist!  I am a real person with real struggles who needs to be heard and accepted.  It is really that simple!

There are people in the world that will love you and "get" you even when you are just being yourself; the good self, the bad self and the ugly self.  It is OK to be yourself and expect others to love you just the way you are.  YOU DON"T NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED!!

I say these things because I need to hear them, believe them, live them. 

I think all this running is the best thing I could have done for myself this Christmas.  Somehow the physical punishment that you push through clears your brain and makes you so much better.  I hate running (I am a cyclist), but the physical and mental stress of this challenge has been very good for me.

I am a winner cause I keep on going no matter how much it hurts!