I just popped into the man cave to tell JDK something and saw porn on his "training" computer. This is the one he has set up in the basement for his bicycle training. It is a computer that no one else in the house would use or mess with. So I guess the chances of my daughter seeing are low.
However, I was rather shocked. I thought he had given up the porn. He has led me to believe he gave it up. I didn't realize there was any in my house. I didn't realize that he might be watching porn when I thought he was downstairs tinkering with bikes or lifting weights.
Just when trust was starting to grow....bam....
I feel like I was just punched in the gut. It truly makes me ill at this point.
Oh I'm not some big prude. I have watched porn in my lifetime and I have enjoyed it, but he has issues. He is so preoccupied with sex. Isn't he getting a little old for this crap?
And seriously, as long as he watches porn and craves that kind of sex there is no way i will feel comfortable being a middle aged, chubby, mom having sex with him.
He always wants the light on. He always wants to watch. He never seems thrilled to be having sex (like most men do) because he is a porn addict and I am not a porn star.
The whole time we are doing "it" he is probably thinking about all the cool things he saw in his movies that he wishes i would do. Fuck that shit. I'm not going to beg to suck his cock or tell him how great it tastes.
It makes me sick. I am so sick of sex being turned into a fucked up production meant to turn men on and get men off not something that is intimate and special between two people who want to share love and closeness with each other.
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