Crabby

Seems like when I am crabby I want to write a post.
Maybe it's just a way for me to release the pressure?
Isn't that what this blog is for?

Then I think to myself......... "self, don't just be bitchy over and over again on the blog, that's not cool, that's not who you are." 

So, of course, I don't post.
Feeling judged is something I spend way too much energy on.
Brene Brown needs to do a Vulcan Mind Meld on me!

At this point....I am pretty sure there are very few people reading this so that is good
....or is it bad?

Maybe I overthink everything?????

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This morning I forced JDK to trim his dog, Olive's, toenails (after weeks of nagging and reminding...again...it's a constant and recurring issue.) They were so long that she was having problems walking on the tile floor. 

As part of the process I had to hold the dog down so he could do her nails because no one trained this dog that nail trimming is a thing you have to do every month or so and they just need to comply.

I'm laying on the dog, I'm holding her feet still so he can trim, I'm wishing I had 3 hands, and I am in so much pain.  I had a bike wreck about a week ago and I think I broke a rib.  I'm trying to lay on this 80 lbs. dog so it will be still and it freakin' hurts LIKE HELL.

Eventually, the dog rears up in a fit of rebellion and I clamp down, trying to do my job of holding her still, and the pain in my chest is overwhelming. 

I strengthen my hold on the dog and declare out-loud, cause it fucking hurts like hell,  that it hurts me like hell and I am loosing my cool.

Yes, I verbalized my pain and struggle instead of just sucking it up and swallowing the pain.

So...of course, everyone is then mad at me.  JDK and Beanie start hating me because, you know, I am not a constant ray of sunshine that spends all my energy being the upbeat awesome person they want me to be.  You know how they deserve my unconditional love and support.  How dare I not make them feel happy and supported 24/7.

Meanwhile the dog actually realizes how pissed I am and settles down a bit.   GRRR

The whole thing is ridiculous.  Think about it.  I am on my broken rib holding down a dog for it's own good, even though it doesn't want to, making the owner be responsible even though he doesn't want to be and then they are all mad at ME because I am upset that my broken rib is retching ME with pain. 

And people wonder why I am crabby. 

They both left the house angry at me.